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-   -   Question to All women (http://www.wowwomen.com/boards/showthread.php?t=1830)

unknown-ml January 22nd, 2010 12:40 PM

Question to All women
 
Hi, this is my first time here. I am single, never married, and still a virgin, im 45. I am not in nor have i ever been in a relationship. i may some day (which i doubt), and get married which requires sex. i am not looking forward to that, in fact im dreading it. now, my question is this: what was your first time like? how did you deal with the pain? what did you think about before, during and after? since it hurt, why did you do it again?:blue: my religious beliefs are keeping me from having sex till marriage. thank you for your time.

Wolf_angel January 23rd, 2010 11:37 AM

Well tis normal for the first time to hurt. Yet after a few minutes the pain is replaced with untold pleasure. Hence tis why you would enjoy it again. Dreading and the fear of it will only make things worse. Your spouse would put you at ease. Just a glass of wine sometimes helps as well to help you relax. Sex is one of life's greatest enjoyments! Especially with someone you love!
Have a great day!:)

unknown-ml April 9th, 2010 09:41 PM

thank you wolf angel for responding. i appreciate your in put. i also want to thank those who have read this and not responded, by not responding i feel that you agree with me that sex is really not worth the pain. i am still single and a virgin and unfortunatly may remain so till i die. thank you all very much.

Saucy Sabrina April 10th, 2010 12:18 AM

well that is your choice. no one can tell you what to do on that one. but i know its something that may with the right person is good. but again its your choice. be happy

crazymomma April 10th, 2010 11:20 AM

If you have dwelled on this for this long no wonder you are so scared. Wolf angel is right. when the time is right you will know it and it will be worth it.It may not be that the nonrespance was an agreement more that some of the ladies and men many not have believed that you were being honest with us. One thing I can tell you is this. Your first time sexual experince is a private thing that most of us at my age can't even remember cause it was so long ago. For me personally I think it has been almost as many years as you have been alive! So, it was not meant in my case as disbelief or not intress but just plan I don't remember.
Then again ask most who know me and I can't even tell you what I had for lunch yesterday let alone what I did so many years ago!

unknown-ml April 11th, 2010 10:20 AM

I am 46 yrs old now and have never had sex, because it is my belief not to have it til married. but lately my body is wanting it but my brain is telling me that it will hurt like hell. because there is no way that big thing can be forced into a womans small thing without pain. Thank you for your imput.

Lingerie Goddess April 20th, 2010 10:34 AM

Get in touch with yourself first
 
Before you can enjoy having sex with a partner, it might be fun to get in touch with your own body, explore your sensuality and see what turns you on. When the time comes to be with a partner, it will help you communicate your desires, your fears and express what you would like your partner to do to give you pleasure. You have a voice in the bedroom, you can tell your partner to take it slow and ease yourself into love-making that feels pleasurable for both of you. A loving partner should be compassionate to your needs and make sure that your experience feels good-no matter what the pace.

unknown-ml April 20th, 2010 06:35 PM

well Lingerie Goddess, i gave myself the first orgasim that i have ever had. and if that is what sex is like, i don't want it. i felt like i was having a seizure, my whole body got very cold and i shook all over and my body twitched. i did not like that feeling. thank you for your imput

Wolf_angel April 21st, 2010 08:43 AM

Sex itself is ok but with the right person is awesome. This person makes sure that their partner gets enjoyment out of it along with themselves. Sometimes the enjoyment of the other fuels their own. Just a thought!

unknown-ml April 21st, 2010 06:49 PM

I'm never going to find the RIGHT one, he does not exist for me. I am as ugly as sin and no fella wants that. I've given up hope. :blue: Thanks for your imput.

unknown-ml April 24th, 2010 09:24 AM

can anyone tell me what an orgasim is and what it feels like to have one? my 29 yr old niece has more experience in this than me and she said they are awesome but that is all she will tell me. i thought i had one, i got extremely cold and my body shook all over and my whole body twitched. it felt like i was having a seizure, i did not like that feeling. now was that an orgasim or not? how am i suppose to know when i have one if i don't know what they feel like? thank you for your time

eleanor5 May 18th, 2010 08:02 AM

Makes me all warm and fuzzy. Do not give up!

QueenEsther May 23rd, 2010 12:51 PM

UNKNOW, you have to first of all change your viewpoint about yourself. Second, you need to have a different view about sex, whether you chose to have it or not. Tell yourself that sex is great! Give yourself permission to think that way. It's natural and okay to engage in it under the "right" condition, being a religious person myself. Your posts sound like you think SEX is a bad thing. If that's the case, you won't desire it and would only think bad things about it. No matter what you look like, TELL YOURSELF that's you're beautiful. Futhermore, we can all improve what God gave us. We hold the key to that! Think of ways to feel good about yourself, man or no man, marriage or no marriage, sex or no sex. Stop focusing on the pain! The flip side is the pleasure... LOL

unknown-ml May 24th, 2010 07:09 AM

thank you queenesther and eleanor5 for your input. the only way for me to find out for sure is to become a slut and have sex with several men, ive been looking for a man to love me before i had sex but that is never going to happen. pain and pleasure are separate things they dont go hand in hand. when i feel pain i dont feel pleasure and visa versa. thank you for your time.

Gennie45 November 24th, 2010 10:24 PM

Unknown>> I had a very bad experience when I first had sex. (I was 20.) But, I was so starved for love and acceptance that I didn't receive from my family,(mother, father, etc.) It was the way that I was thinking inside my brain. I am now finding out that our brain is a remarkable tool that we use everyday, though our thoughts are ours, YOU are able to control what you think about yourself. I am not there yet with self-asteem, but my thoughts are working and practicing to ackowledge myself as a worthy person of loving myself, FIRST. Putting into practice what those positive, loving thoughts that YOU ARE, worthy of that love. Then by all means, share the love you have with yourself, it's not a selfish act to express love to yourself, (for yourself). I wasn't able to express love to anyone until I had changed my thoughts about myself. Until I did, I was abusing myself by having sex many times, when I didn't feel worthy. I wasn't being fair to myself or to my own body. I had to learn to express and feel the pleasures that only I would know about my own body. Everything about learning about my sexuality was learned over a period of years. Because it was many years, that I spent in the dark about what loving and accepting me for who I am. Noone can let you know, what you know about you. God knows you though.
Be Blessed, Unknown
Love, Gennie45

gina montagu January 22nd, 2011 06:41 PM

gina
 
I have read your thread , and the responses with interest , and in my response , please understand my only concern is to help you solve your dilemma . . As 0ther repondents have already suggested , you should step outside yourself for a few moments , and conside you as a detached person , study yourself mentally . Ask yourself some questions , honestly . Could it be possible that you feel more comfortable in the company of women ?. Many , many women seek the company of their own gender , and it is possible for you to reconcile this with your obvious religous beliefs .

unknown-ml January 23rd, 2011 09:38 PM

thank you gennie45, i am never going to have sex. according to men's standards i am too ugly for a relationship. and i beleive they are right. thank you for your input.

moniker February 14th, 2011 07:01 PM

The pain can be lessened with masturbation. To my knowledge, no religion speaks against female masturbation and some religions even encourage it even if they discourage male masturbation.

From your questions, I think you are focusing too much on the pain and forgetting that this is a bond between you and your future husband...sort of like if you have a child, yes it will hurt but you aren't just doing this for the heck of it. The vagina is also stretchy. It accommodates a penis and is made to accommodate an entire other human being (a baby), so certainly it can stretch! Even with some of the pain associated with first-time sex, there still is pleasure associated with it. The biggest problem women have is not relaxing. Like you, they freak out about stuff they've heard and think that it's not okay for a woman to enjoy sex so they clam up and try to think about something else until it's all over. That is not what nature or God intended! Plus, tightening up out of fear makes it hurt...it's when you relax that all the "feel good" nerves down there really get to do their job.

unknown-ml February 17th, 2011 01:35 AM

Its not going to feel good.

unknown-ml February 20th, 2011 09:49 PM

my psycologist told me that i dont have to love myself to be loved. how do you love yourself? that is impossible. God made me facially unattractive to men.

gina montagu February 21st, 2011 10:54 PM

gina montagu
 
UNKNOWN . My heart goes out to you in your predicament. I realise that your religion is of utmost importance to you , so the following thought keeps that fully in mind , and my only objective is to be of some assistance to you . forgive me for observing that many women find the companionship of another woman can be very fulfilling . perhaps you should explore and find if any / many of your friends are of like disposition .

unknown-ml February 21st, 2011 11:28 PM

gina i am not a lesbo and i dont have any friends

Elusive Unicorn February 22nd, 2011 11:41 AM

((( unknown-ml ))) eveyone needs friends. Most in here would be more then happy to be your friend. You just have to let us. :)

unknown-ml February 22nd, 2011 12:47 PM

unicorn, why would you want to be, im a very negative person, no one wants to be around that.

petrol head May 16th, 2011 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unknown-ml (Post 58793)
Hi, this is my first time here. I am single, never married, and still a virgin, im 45. I am not in nor have i ever been in a relationship. i may some day (which i doubt), and get married which requires sex. i am not looking forward to that, in fact im dreading it. now, my question is this: what was your first time like? how did you deal with the pain? what did you think about before, during and after? since it hurt, why did you do it again?:blue: my religious beliefs are keeping me from having sex till marriage. thank you for your time.


hi in my expereance it did not the man i was with was very gentle so just went very slow and it did not hert at all
dont think all girls have pain as long as the man you are with is slow and gentle with you there should be very little if any
good luck and i know religious beliefs are good but dont let them rule your life if you like the man and it feels right then dont let them rule you and stop you .

sistergirl May 16th, 2011 08:03 PM

unknown, I am curious as to how you went from being 45 to 46 in three months (according to your older posts) or was that a typo? May I suggest you remain in therapy, because you might find a way to accept you for you and beauty is in the eye

of the beholder. What makes you think you are ugly? Have people in your life told you this, or is this how you view yourself? This I believe is very important information. You

do come across as negative and in your own mind, hopeless. But unknown, no one is hopeless if they want to change their life. Do you work, go to school or are you involved in any activities, hobbies with others? Personality I believe plays a much more important

role in how a person is perceived by another and as long as you remain negative, honestly and as you said, no one will want to be around you. Read, listen, learn from

others, and a good therapist about how to improve your life, your feelings about yourself, your attitude about intimacy. May I ask what religion you are? Perhaps it's not about

not wanting sex so much as it might be about the fear of intimacy...something to ponder and maybe discuss with your therapist. I surely wish you well.

sistergirl May 16th, 2011 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unknown-ml (Post 62122)
unicorn, why would you want to be, im a very negative person, no one wants to be around that.

I would like to ask you to list something good about you.

sistergirl May 17th, 2011 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sistergirl (Post 62787)
unknown,May I suggest you remain in therapy, because you might find a way to accept you for you and beauty is in the eye

of the beholder. What makes you think you are ugly? Have people in your life told you this, or is this how you view yourself? This I believe is very important information. You

do come across as negative and in your own mind, hopeless. But unknown, no one is hopeless if they want to change their life. Do you work, go to school or are you involved in any activities, hobbies with others? Personality I believe plays a much more important

role in how a person is perceived by another and as long as you remain negative, honestly and as you said, no one will want to be around you. Read, listen, learn from

others, and a good therapist about how to improve your life, your feelings about yourself, your attitude about intimacy. May I ask what religion you are? Perhaps it's not about

not wanting sex so much as it might be about the fear of intimacy...something to ponder and maybe discuss with your therapist. I surely wish you well.

:)

sistergirl May 17th, 2011 05:38 PM

oops, I realized that is is possible to go from 45 - 46 in three months (haha) so tried to edit the post and instead it duplicated...so please excuse.

Jennifer23 May 17th, 2011 09:08 PM

unknown, I'm not in your shoes, so I don't know what you're going through. I get depressed sometimes and when I do, I think of this guy, Jim. He was in his early 70's when he closed his eyes for the final time. People called him "Bent over Jimmy" because he had to walk with his back at a severe angle because of a physical condition. Yet, he was always smiling and saying hi to people. I don't think that I could do that under similar circumstances. So, I guess we have to be Bent over Jimmies sometimes. I know this probably didn't help, but maybe it gives you another perspective on things.

sistergirl May 17th, 2011 10:22 PM

Hi Jennifer, that was beautiful and I will always remember that "bent over Jimmy". :) How inspirational. :)

unknown-ml May 29th, 2011 01:13 AM

gennie45, how does one love themselves? i now believe that love between men and women does not exist. sex is just lust. love has nothing to do with it.

GiaBella July 11th, 2011 02:18 AM

The reason why you don't love yourself is because of your looks. Would you love yourself if you were beautiful and had an awesome body? Think about it. Fix yourself up in order to reach your goal which is love, marriage and kids. Get to the gym or do some workouts at home and get some plastic surgery.

About the sex issue, you need to think outside of your religion bubble and step into the real world and have some great sex! Religion was created to set boundaries and to make people fearful of crossing those boundaries. No one is going to punish you for acting on your human nature. My first time was when I was 14 years old and I thought I was in love and that my partner loved me (of course it was just lust). It wasn't painful but more of a weird feeling because it was something different that I had to get accustomed to just like everything else in life. I've been with many others since then and have loved 3 more times after him and I can honestly say that I had the biggest orgasims with men that I didn't even have the slightest love for. Having great sex is based on your mental state of mind, attraction, and of course the size and shape of the males penis. You need to get over your fear and get out there!

unknown-ml July 11th, 2011 10:39 AM

hi giabella, i want the man that i have sex with to love me enough to marry me, i dont want to have sex wit just any man. if i did that i may as well stand on the street corner and charge for it. sex leads to babies and babies need a daddy, not just a father. i guess we can agree to disagree on this one. and besides, my baby factory is old and rusty it dont need to make babies.


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