Feeling lonely

Minou · July 17th, 2010, 11:03 PM

I am a social butterfly and everyone know me and likes me. People think I have everything I want and a loving husband that adores me. It seems that I have the best life every.

But as of late, my husband is very mean to me. He's not there for me, starts arguments and calling me names. When I come into the room, he makes an excuse to leave. He feels that I do things just to piss him off and that I enjoy doing those things.

That is very far from the truth! I love him and want to make him happy, but nothing I do seems to make him happy.

I felt happy and warm before this turn around. Now I feel very lonely. We live in the same house, but live separate lives.

He told me that he is thinking of retiring. My thought was -"oh my god, no! Then you are home all the time".

I love my husband, but now I feel very unhappy. I want my loving caring husband back.

Does anyone else have this in their relationship? How do you handle this?

amy4friend · July 27th, 2010, 01:18 PM

There is definitely something wrong and you need to know what. It could be that something is bothering your husband at work or it could be something else too. Men tend to not talk if they have issues. They rather be quiet and have their space.
What I would do is first give him some space and probably not talk much with him. Be there in a supportive way but not in a questioning way. Give him his space but even after a month of doing so if he still is bad with you. You really need to question him. You need to know. Also for how long have you been married? What are the times when he gets angry? It cant be all the time. See what triggers it. Analyze quietly.

Simply123 · August 30th, 2010, 07:16 AM

I have been in a relationship for 9 months and really love the man I'm with. As of late all we do is fight. He gets mad at every little thing and lately I crossed the line by overcalling and not allowing him space because I was anxious and needed reassurance. How do I go back to bring myself again? In control and allowing him to chase me. I'd it possible to get things back once they start to go wrong?

MsFlo · September 13th, 2010, 03:19 PM

I believe it is possible- if it is meant to be. I know that we can't force someone to love us or remain in love with us, since we all have free-will in this. So, I think it is important to first take care of ourselves. Just because someone may not feel the same- doesn't mean our worth is less. We are all important, regardless of what another may feel about us. Sometimes we need to stop, relax, let go, and reflect over our own behavior. Take a deep breath and begin again...

MsFlo · September 13th, 2010, 03:32 PM

Dear, Minou

Sometimes it is harder to get to the bottom of why men feel "blue" or for them to even admit depression. In fact, I heard just recently men can go through their own version of male menapause or a mid-life crisis. My thoughts would be to take it easy on him and try to talk about it with him slowly, without trying to force it. Sometimes it may take awhile to get the whole story- but if you are patient and he trusts you- it eventually surfaces. Sadly, it is common to take it out on the one you love most.

Minou · September 20th, 2010, 07:37 AM

Thanks MsFlo,
Thanks for your comment.
I've been reading a book about male meno-pause and it has helped a lot. In the past, when he'd get into a *mood* where he would see everything black, I would argue it and say something like: You're not like that. You know that's not true!. He'd get furious. Now I just go and do my own that I enjoy-like going for a walk with my dog, or go to another room to read my book in peace and quiet and let him sit. When I come back, he is over his dark mood. It's a lot more peaceful-even though it doesn't always work, there are a lot less arguments. I'm starting to realize that I cannot be responsible for his moods. Let him sit and brew. I also learned that it is okay to be angry at him for being such a shit-before I felt guilty about that. Now- let him sit and brew and I can be a angry at him as I want. Funny enough, I direct some anger to him, and I feel very peaceful away from him when he is in those moods.
A friend of mine talked to him in general about depression- and her having episodes of depression. He came back to tell me about it and said that person wasn't strong in life.

He would never get something like that. He doesn't see it. I hope he will at one point.
You are right, it is common to take things out on the ones we love- strange but true.
thanks again. It is good to know that I can *talk* about it and release some of the tension that I feel at times.

Wolf_angel · September 21st, 2010, 09:25 AM

That is what this is for! Trust me on this...I have been here many years and feel blessed to know if I come here with troubles there are those who will help me along my way. Have a great day!

October 2nd, 2010, 07:15 AM

Dear Minou,

I wrote you a private Message.

Greetings
Sunflower52

sistergirl · April 30th, 2011, 03:36 PM

I agree with the depression and "man o pause" thing. This to him means he is getting closer to death and that seems to be something that men fight with...Would he be willing to talk to a counselor? Also it would be in both of your best interests to share a hobby together for coming retirement...something you both would truly enjoy.

sistergirl · April 30th, 2011, 03:41 PM

It also could be other things such as his job coming to an end soon. Men's jobs reflects who they are, it is their life, man hood. Whatever it might be, communication is the way to go. Best of luck!

entrepreneurweek · January 27th, 2012, 12:50 AM

I think you should have to spent some good time with your friends. This will relief you to some extent.

JANE20/20 · March 10th, 2012, 03:47 AM

Hi....Minou....I have been reading the post(s)...I feel warm and teary just reading and looking at the support for you from different people....I however can't really add much on the subject because I've never been married or had the experience of living with a man....yet....so for me my suggestions are from the outside looking in....but it does sound like there was or is something going on with your husband that he is not talking about......you sound like you love him....so I would say go to counseling...before you start building up resentment because of the name calling and the way that he is mistreating you during his dark moods....which will create more distance between you....and for times when your giving him space....what are you doing for you?....I would make sure that I stayed get pretty for me....meaning that I would get into myself...and workout,get the hair done...monthly if the budget allows....nails (fingers and toes done)....some new undies...or a outfit...nothing extravagant...but something that makes you look and feel good.....don't forget the new shoes or sandals...have some me time where you take care of and love you....that's what I would do....be the best that I can be.....for me......I hope that everything is working out for you and your husband......

maddiemondie · July 17th, 2012, 11:40 PM

Divert your mind into positive things and search for your own happiness.

July 17th, 2010, 11:03 PM	#1
Minou Minou Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Canada Posts: 7	Feeling lonely I am a social butterfly and everyone know me and likes me. People think I have everything I want and a loving husband that adores me. It seems that I have the best life every. But as of late, my husband is very mean to me. He's not there for me, starts arguments and calling me names. When I come into the room, he makes an excuse to leave. He feels that I do things just to piss him off and that I enjoy doing those things. That is very far from the truth! I love him and want to make him happy, but nothing I do seems to make him happy. I felt happy and warm before this turn around. Now I feel very lonely. We live in the same house, but live separate lives. He told me that he is thinking of retiring. My thought was -"oh my god, no! Then you are home all the time". I love my husband, but now I feel very unhappy. I want my loving caring husband back. Does anyone else have this in their relationship? How do you handle this?

September 21st, 2010, 09:25 AM	#7
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	That is what this is for! Trust me on this...I have been here many years and feel blessed to know if I come here with troubles there are those who will help me along my way. Have a great day! __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

July 27th, 2010, 01:18 PM	#2
amy4friend Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 5	There is definitely something wrong and you need to know what. It could be that something is bothering your husband at work or it could be something else too. Men tend to not talk if they have issues. They rather be quiet and have their space. What I would do is first give him some space and probably not talk much with him. Be there in a supportive way but not in a questioning way. Give him his space but even after a month of doing so if he still is bad with you. You really need to question him. You need to know. Also for how long have you been married? What are the times when he gets angry? It cant be all the time. See what triggers it. Analyze quietly.

August 30th, 2010, 07:16 AM	#3
Simply123 Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 2	I have been in a relationship for 9 months and really love the man I'm with. As of late all we do is fight. He gets mad at every little thing and lately I crossed the line by overcalling and not allowing him space because I was anxious and needed reassurance. How do I go back to bring myself again? In control and allowing him to chase me. I'd it possible to get things back once they start to go wrong?

September 13th, 2010, 03:19 PM	#4
MsFlo Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Suburb of Philly Posts: 6	I believe it is possible- if it is meant to be. I know that we can't force someone to love us or remain in love with us, since we all have free-will in this. So, I think it is important to first take care of ourselves. Just because someone may not feel the same- doesn't mean our worth is less. We are all important, regardless of what another may feel about us. Sometimes we need to stop, relax, let go, and reflect over our own behavior. Take a deep breath and begin again...

September 13th, 2010, 03:32 PM	#5
MsFlo Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Suburb of Philly Posts: 6	Dear, Minou Sometimes it is harder to get to the bottom of why men feel "blue" or for them to even admit depression. In fact, I heard just recently men can go through their own version of male menapause or a mid-life crisis. My thoughts would be to take it easy on him and try to talk about it with him slowly, without trying to force it. Sometimes it may take awhile to get the whole story- but if you are patient and he trusts you- it eventually surfaces. Sadly, it is common to take it out on the one you love most.

September 20th, 2010, 07:37 AM	#6
Minou Minou Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Canada Posts: 7	Thanks MsFlo, Thanks for your comment. I've been reading a book about male meno-pause and it has helped a lot. In the past, when he'd get into a mood where he would see everything black, I would argue it and say something like: You're not like that. You know that's not true!. He'd get furious. Now I just go and do my own that I enjoy-like going for a walk with my dog, or go to another room to read my book in peace and quiet and let him sit. When I come back, he is over his dark mood. It's a lot more peaceful-even though it doesn't always work, there are a lot less arguments. I'm starting to realize that I cannot be responsible for his moods. Let him sit and brew. I also learned that it is okay to be angry at him for being such a shit-before I felt guilty about that. Now- let him sit and brew and I can be a angry at him as I want. Funny enough, I direct some anger to him, and I feel very peaceful away from him when he is in those moods. A friend of mine talked to him in general about depression- and her having episodes of depression. He came back to tell me about it and said that person wasn't strong in life. He would never get something like that. He doesn't see it. I hope he will at one point. You are right, it is common to take things out on the ones we love- strange but true. thanks again. It is good to know that I can talk about it and release some of the tension that I feel at times.

October 2nd, 2010, 07:15 AM	#8
Sunflower52 Guest Posts: n/a	Dear Minou, I wrote you a private Message. Greetings Sunflower52

April 30th, 2011, 03:36 PM	#9
sistergirl Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 648	I agree with the depression and "man o pause" thing. This to him means he is getting closer to death and that seems to be something that men fight with...Would he be willing to talk to a counselor? Also it would be in both of your best interests to share a hobby together for coming retirement...something you both would truly enjoy.

April 30th, 2011, 03:41 PM	#10
sistergirl Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 648	It also could be other things such as his job coming to an end soon. Men's jobs reflects who they are, it is their life, man hood. Whatever it might be, communication is the way to go. Best of luck!

January 27th, 2012, 12:50 AM	#11
entrepreneurweek Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 4	I think you should have to spent some good time with your friends. This will relief you to some extent.

March 10th, 2012, 03:47 AM	#12
JANE20/20 Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 67	Hi....Minou....I have been reading the post(s)...I feel warm and teary just reading and looking at the support for you from different people....I however can't really add much on the subject because I've never been married or had the experience of living with a man....yet....so for me my suggestions are from the outside looking in....but it does sound like there was or is something going on with your husband that he is not talking about......you sound like you love him....so I would say go to counseling...before you start building up resentment because of the name calling and the way that he is mistreating you during his dark moods....which will create more distance between you....and for times when your giving him space....what are you doing for you?....I would make sure that I stayed get pretty for me....meaning that I would get into myself...and workout,get the hair done...monthly if the budget allows....nails (fingers and toes done)....some new undies...or a outfit...nothing extravagant...but something that makes you look and feel good.....don't forget the new shoes or sandals...have some me time where you take care of and love you....that's what I would do....be the best that I can be.....for me......I hope that everything is working out for you and your husband......

July 17th, 2012, 11:40 PM	#13
maddiemondie Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 19	Divert your mind into positive things and search for your own happiness.