Is this normal?

hopefaithlove · June 5th, 2012, 12:54 PM

My boyfriend is home seldom due to work. Usually he works 5 weeks on 1 week off. The day he gets home we normally have sex. When I want to have sex again I'm often refused. It's only when he wants to. Which is usually once or twice in that week time frame. When we do have sex it lacks the intimacy that was once there. He says it is because he is getting older and can't perform like he once did(he is 40) He climax's really fast, before I do. He used to not have a problem with that, and we had sex frequently. And he does nothing to help me climax. It's like I got what I wanted, I'm done. I've tried talking to him about this and all he says is that our relationship isn't based on sex. I know it isn't but I still have needs. Is anyone else experiencing these issues? Is it normal?

sara jones · June 7th, 2012, 04:39 AM

It's not normal because..you two are not having your usual normal sex life. Something has changed.

Men hide things and we all react to our own personal unidentified feelings thru denial. I think your bf is in denial about something. Just a guess.

Get him to talk about it. which means that you are going to have to be very clever and selective with your approach. ask us for advice as what to say to him. Write down some things to say to him and think about how he is going to respond.

I would say:" honey, this is a real issue and if we can't communicate through our real issues maybe we aren't compatible" "I need someone willing to work on relationship issues, because no matter who I'm with there will be issues" I can't be in a relationship with someone who is unwilling to work out a problem" I love you but do you See what I'm trying to say? This is a chance for you and me to find out if we have a healthy relationship and how we will solve our issues"

Good luck, and be true to yourself. Don't stay with a bf out of love. define your needs and desires and analyze if he is suited for you.

Jennifer23 · June 7th, 2012, 11:10 PM

Simply stated . . . I agree with Sara.

hopefaithlove · June 9th, 2012, 08:01 AM

Thanks Sara, your words encourage me. When he left for work this time he said we couldn't have sex that he had to leave. I was so hurt I couldn't find any words. Its not about the sex it's about the connection and the fact he no longer wants to. He hasn't been in touch with me since he left 5 days ago, usually he calls everyday two or three times and at least calls to tell me goodnight. I don't think he wants to be in this relationship any longer...my heart is breaking. We have lived together for the past 3 years and have had a great relationship. Very confused, this is so unlike him.

Rachael815 · July 7th, 2012, 12:27 AM

He' either gay or cheating on you. But maybe kinky sex could help.
Did you body change much since you got toghter? Ask me Rachael815

June 5th, 2012, 12:54 PM	#1
hopefaithlove Member Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 3	Is this normal? My boyfriend is home seldom due to work. Usually he works 5 weeks on 1 week off. The day he gets home we normally have sex. When I want to have sex again I'm often refused. It's only when he wants to. Which is usually once or twice in that week time frame. When we do have sex it lacks the intimacy that was once there. He says it is because he is getting older and can't perform like he once did(he is 40) He climax's really fast, before I do. He used to not have a problem with that, and we had sex frequently. And he does nothing to help me climax. It's like I got what I wanted, I'm done. I've tried talking to him about this and all he says is that our relationship isn't based on sex. I know it isn't but I still have needs. Is anyone else experiencing these issues? Is it normal?

July 7th, 2012, 12:27 AM	#5
Rachael815 Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 15	Is this normal? He' either gay or cheating on you. But maybe kinky sex could help. Did you body change much since you got toghter? Ask me Rachael815

June 7th, 2012, 04:39 AM	#2
sara jones just sara Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 4	It's not normal because..you two are not having your usual normal sex life. Something has changed. Men hide things and we all react to our own personal unidentified feelings thru denial. I think your bf is in denial about something. Just a guess. Get him to talk about it. which means that you are going to have to be very clever and selective with your approach. ask us for advice as what to say to him. Write down some things to say to him and think about how he is going to respond. I would say:" honey, this is a real issue and if we can't communicate through our real issues maybe we aren't compatible" "I need someone willing to work on relationship issues, because no matter who I'm with there will be issues" I can't be in a relationship with someone who is unwilling to work out a problem" I love you but do you See what I'm trying to say? This is a chance for you and me to find out if we have a healthy relationship and how we will solve our issues" Good luck, and be true to yourself. Don't stay with a bf out of love. define your needs and desires and analyze if he is suited for you.

June 7th, 2012, 11:10 PM	#3
Jennifer23 Jennifer23 Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 3,187	Simply stated . . . I agree with Sara.

June 9th, 2012, 08:01 AM	#4
hopefaithlove Member Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 3	Thanks Sara, your words encourage me. When he left for work this time he said we couldn't have sex that he had to leave. I was so hurt I couldn't find any words. Its not about the sex it's about the connection and the fact he no longer wants to. He hasn't been in touch with me since he left 5 days ago, usually he calls everyday two or three times and at least calls to tell me goodnight. I don't think he wants to be in this relationship any longer...my heart is breaking. We have lived together for the past 3 years and have had a great relationship. Very confused, this is so unlike him.