help?

steph · July 19th, 2012, 02:23 PM

hi all, hope everyone is well!

need some advice?

I've been with my partner for about 2 and a half yrs now i already had a child before i met him but we had a second child together last September. at first our sex life was great but 7 months into my pregnancy he just seems to have lost his desire to have sex with me. at first it was because he felt awkward about the baby then after i had our little one it was because he was afraid of hurting me (which at the time seemed really sweet of him) now its excuse after excuse (he's tired or he's lost his sex drive and so the list goes on) he won't talk to me about it im confused i feel unattractive to him and when sex does happen its always me that instigates it or its after I've had a whine about the lack of sex and it seems like he's 'obliged' to do it!

im so confused i feel ugly fat and worthless, please help i love him so much but i have no clue on what suddenly changed 12 months ago

thanks x

Wolf_angel · July 19th, 2012, 09:32 PM

It seems to me its his issue. Not yours. So just tell him that and let it go. He may need counselling though. Just an idea

Synful_Poet · July 23rd, 2012, 07:30 PM

Hey Steph...

I think the bottom line is you have to get him to communicate with you...it's the only way. Have you tried talking to him directly after sex, some men are more vulnerable at this point and tend to be more talkative...

Also, new fathers...sometimes they feel left out, like you pay more attention to the baby then them. It's actually really common. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning his behavior. And I suppose he's one of those macho guys that would never consider going for couples therapy...

Just something to think about. Have a great day!

July 19th, 2012, 02:23 PM	#1
steph Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: UK Posts: 1	help? hi all, hope everyone is well! need some advice? I've been with my partner for about 2 and a half yrs now i already had a child before i met him but we had a second child together last September. at first our sex life was great but 7 months into my pregnancy he just seems to have lost his desire to have sex with me. at first it was because he felt awkward about the baby then after i had our little one it was because he was afraid of hurting me (which at the time seemed really sweet of him) now its excuse after excuse (he's tired or he's lost his sex drive and so the list goes on) he won't talk to me about it im confused i feel unattractive to him and when sex does happen its always me that instigates it or its after I've had a whine about the lack of sex and it seems like he's 'obliged' to do it! im so confused i feel ugly fat and worthless, please help i love him so much but i have no clue on what suddenly changed 12 months ago thanks x

July 19th, 2012, 09:32 PM	#2
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	It seems to me its his issue. Not yours. So just tell him that and let it go. He may need counselling though. Just an idea __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

July 23rd, 2012, 07:30 PM	#3
Synful_Poet Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: IA Posts: 540	Hey Steph... I think the bottom line is you have to get him to communicate with you...it's the only way. Have you tried talking to him directly after sex, some men are more vulnerable at this point and tend to be more talkative... Also, new fathers...sometimes they feel left out, like you pay more attention to the baby then them. It's actually really common. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning his behavior. And I suppose he's one of those macho guys that would never consider going for couples therapy... Just something to think about. Have a great day! __________________ "Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior" - Socrates