Hello everyone....here's my story

thisdesparatewife · June 20th, 2012, 10:45 PM

Hey there. Not really sure how to do this, as I typically don't share this kind of information, but I am so sad and lonely, I don't know who to turn to.

Here's how I got here....

Seven years ago, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. At that time, I had been married for 9 years. We had 2 children. I went to each and every appointment on my own. I felt terrible having to beg my husband to be at the hospital on the day of my surgery so I wouldn't be alone. I came later to understand why. He was having an online affair with a woman and was getting ready to leave me for her. He was doing all this while I was recouperating from surgery. I eventually got a phone call from this woman and found out everything. He had depicted me as a deadbeat mom. I was furious as that was anything but the case, as I was the one recovering from surgery, keeping a house together, taking care of children and meals, while he was spending all hours in the basement with this woman online. After months of talking and trying to work things out, we agreed to try and save our marriage. This turned out to be the first of numerous online affairs all of them ending the same way. Two years ago, he got caught up in some pretty crippling financial issues, to which i also forgave him for. Then he moved back onto the online affairs. Four months ago, he told me he couldn't be with me "like that" anymore as I wasn't as attractive as the women he was having these online affairs with. That completely devastated me. I was at a point where I think I could have summed up the courage to leave. He went into emergency thinking he had kidney stones two months ago, a few doctors appointments later and we find out he needs a transplant. Things have gotten so bad that he acts as though my touch simply is the most repulsive thing to him. I am trying to look at our relationship differently, I am trying to make it work, I really do love this man, but the more I try, the worse I feel. He makes me feel like I am the worst thing that has ever happened to him. I m beginning to wonder if my love for him is really enough anymore to get me through this? I love him, I want to stay, I want to figure this out....I just don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. Our neighbour was killed in a car accident almost one month ago. She was a wonderful mother, she was a good friend, she gave love and was loved in return. It has gotten so bad that I wish it was me instead of her. Her family would be happy as they would still have her and my husband would be happy as he would finally be rid of me. Perhaps inthe end, love really isn't always enough, perhaps love doesn't really conquer all. I hate giving up, but perhaps I am beating the proverbial dead horse and it is time to give up now. I am so lost and lonely, I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want us to be happy again.

Synful_Poet · June 22nd, 2012, 03:01 PM

Dear TDHW,

Please, don't think that way. Your husband isn't the only one in your life who could possibly care about you. You have your children, and I'm sure they would be devastated if anything ever happened to you.

Your husband, obviously, doesn't appreciate what a wonderful woman you are. And you deserve more then that. Your husband, to me, seems to be a very superficial person, especially if he bases worth and value on appearance.

You are a very strong and capable woman, to have endured all of his nonsense while fighting for your life and even accepting him time and time again with all his faults.

You deserve so much more then what he has to give. You deserve happiness and love without limitations. To find someone who loves you...all of you, and gives you the respect you deserve.

Have a great day, and welcome to WOW!

Jennifer23 · June 22nd, 2012, 04:56 PM

TDHW, I can't add anything to what Syn has said. She is totally right.

Wolf_angel · June 23rd, 2012, 09:49 PM

Hi (((( Thisdesparatewife )))) Welcome to WOW!

Well Syn put it most efficiently and to the point. If you got the time look at what I have been thru and thus I hope to move on. I dont need a man to love me I love myself as I am. I dont need a man to fix things I will figure it out. I am to the point that I am happy finally being me. No one likes it they can lump it.

You need to cut your losses and move onward for yourself and your children. You deserve to be happy and loved. Your children need one of you to do that for them. So its going to be you.

Get things in order and move forward. This man who you love doesnt really know what love is apparently. Leave him and let him hang in his own mess he created. Do it for yourself, your self respect and your children. Things will be hard at times but you are a WOMAN and Women all over the world have done that and more.

Who is more important? Your kids or him? Then its YOU! Now if you need more help just ask we are all here to help you in whatever way we can for info and etc.

Good Luck!
Hugs

MiaMiou · July 6th, 2012, 05:28 AM

Hi !
I just read your story and im totally with you.. dont give up and think about your childrens, them they can be with you, helping you fight... Im so angry at your "..." to stay polite, you should forgive him, how can a human can be so cruel, talking with sl... while you are fighting so hard, seriously, me i ll think of you because between you and him, its you who deserve to live, you who have a pure heart, like a flower, dont let him make you give up and disgusted about the life. Obviously hes not a real man, no respect (its just my opinion..) and he choose the easy way staying with you and talking with other women, seriously dont suport that, it ll not help you. its better you take a little apart, even small but when you go back home you dont have to suport seeing this... I know what im saying its just words, but think about yourself, preserve you like you was a rose and dont worry everyman are not like this, you deserve better, your are stronger than him, we are not on the earth to suffer believe me, and after your fight, you will put a nice dress and bite the life like an apple !! kiss...

Jennifer23 · July 6th, 2012, 08:29 PM

Hi Mia. What you said was cool, and welcome in!

MiaMiou · July 7th, 2012, 03:19 AM

Thank you Jennifer

aggie · August 6th, 2012, 08:20 AM

I am new to this and am not sure what I am doing. I have been going through a lot of pretty rough things lately. A lot has to do with my ex-husband and his problems taking over my life. Sometimes I feel like i should have done things different and the outcome would have been better but the problem is his not mine. I feel I have tried to help him and be a good wife in every way I can, putting up with a lot that most wouldn't. I blamed myself for his life going wrong but in reality he needs to take responsibility for his own actions. I know I need to be rid of him, but it is hard when he is the only man I have had a relationship with of any kind since I was 16. I am now going to be 48. I feel hopeless in the fact that I will never experience a normal relationship or know real love. I have my kids and grandkids but I would like to have a special someone to share things with but I don't think men are ever interested in me. I am pretty much alone except for my kids when they are not busy. I don't even have any friends, except for one who lives states away. So I decided to try to find friends on here.

Wolf_angel · August 6th, 2012, 07:02 PM

Well Aggie you have come to the right place. Here you will have loads of friends and support. Dont give up on your dreams. You need to get busy with your life. Maybe a hobby or some schooling just to get out and meet new people. I have found out that when you do then those holding you back fade into nothing. Only those like your kids and grandkids will always be there. So no worries. Hugs

Synful_Poet · August 6th, 2012, 11:27 PM

Welcome, Aggie! It's great to have you here.

Wolfie is right, you should get out...try to find ways to socialize.

You have alot of life left, I wouldn't count yourself out of love just yet...

jimmight · August 7th, 2012, 01:29 AM

Lucky you, to have a green thumb. Wish I could say the same, but unfortunately....just the opposite.

newyorkunivers · November 2nd, 2012, 01:54 AM

hi, To all guies.

June 20th, 2012, 10:45 PM	#1
thisdesparatewife Member Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 1	Hello everyone....here's my story Hey there. Not really sure how to do this, as I typically don't share this kind of information, but I am so sad and lonely, I don't know who to turn to. Here's how I got here.... Seven years ago, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. At that time, I had been married for 9 years. We had 2 children. I went to each and every appointment on my own. I felt terrible having to beg my husband to be at the hospital on the day of my surgery so I wouldn't be alone. I came later to understand why. He was having an online affair with a woman and was getting ready to leave me for her. He was doing all this while I was recouperating from surgery. I eventually got a phone call from this woman and found out everything. He had depicted me as a deadbeat mom. I was furious as that was anything but the case, as I was the one recovering from surgery, keeping a house together, taking care of children and meals, while he was spending all hours in the basement with this woman online. After months of talking and trying to work things out, we agreed to try and save our marriage. This turned out to be the first of numerous online affairs all of them ending the same way. Two years ago, he got caught up in some pretty crippling financial issues, to which i also forgave him for. Then he moved back onto the online affairs. Four months ago, he told me he couldn't be with me "like that" anymore as I wasn't as attractive as the women he was having these online affairs with. That completely devastated me. I was at a point where I think I could have summed up the courage to leave. He went into emergency thinking he had kidney stones two months ago, a few doctors appointments later and we find out he needs a transplant. Things have gotten so bad that he acts as though my touch simply is the most repulsive thing to him. I am trying to look at our relationship differently, I am trying to make it work, I really do love this man, but the more I try, the worse I feel. He makes me feel like I am the worst thing that has ever happened to him. I m beginning to wonder if my love for him is really enough anymore to get me through this? I love him, I want to stay, I want to figure this out....I just don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. Our neighbour was killed in a car accident almost one month ago. She was a wonderful mother, she was a good friend, she gave love and was loved in return. It has gotten so bad that I wish it was me instead of her. Her family would be happy as they would still have her and my husband would be happy as he would finally be rid of me. Perhaps inthe end, love really isn't always enough, perhaps love doesn't really conquer all. I hate giving up, but perhaps I am beating the proverbial dead horse and it is time to give up now. I am so lost and lonely, I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want us to be happy again.

June 22nd, 2012, 03:01 PM	#2
Synful_Poet Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: IA Posts: 540	Dear TDHW, Please, don't think that way. Your husband isn't the only one in your life who could possibly care about you. You have your children, and I'm sure they would be devastated if anything ever happened to you. Your husband, obviously, doesn't appreciate what a wonderful woman you are. And you deserve more then that. Your husband, to me, seems to be a very superficial person, especially if he bases worth and value on appearance. You are a very strong and capable woman, to have endured all of his nonsense while fighting for your life and even accepting him time and time again with all his faults. You deserve so much more then what he has to give. You deserve happiness and love without limitations. To find someone who loves you...all of you, and gives you the respect you deserve. Have a great day, and welcome to WOW! __________________ "Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior" - Socrates

June 23rd, 2012, 09:49 PM	#4
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	Hi (((( Thisdesparatewife )))) Welcome to WOW! Well Syn put it most efficiently and to the point. If you got the time look at what I have been thru and thus I hope to move on. I dont need a man to love me I love myself as I am. I dont need a man to fix things I will figure it out. I am to the point that I am happy finally being me. No one likes it they can lump it. You need to cut your losses and move onward for yourself and your children. You deserve to be happy and loved. Your children need one of you to do that for them. So its going to be you. Get things in order and move forward. This man who you love doesnt really know what love is apparently. Leave him and let him hang in his own mess he created. Do it for yourself, your self respect and your children. Things will be hard at times but you are a WOMAN and Women all over the world have done that and more. Who is more important? Your kids or him? Then its YOU! Now if you need more help just ask we are all here to help you in whatever way we can for info and etc. Good Luck! Hugs __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

August 6th, 2012, 08:20 AM	#8
aggie Member Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: I live in Lockport, Louisiana Posts: 1	Hello.Need a friend. I am new to this and am not sure what I am doing. I have been going through a lot of pretty rough things lately. A lot has to do with my ex-husband and his problems taking over my life. Sometimes I feel like i should have done things different and the outcome would have been better but the problem is his not mine. I feel I have tried to help him and be a good wife in every way I can, putting up with a lot that most wouldn't. I blamed myself for his life going wrong but in reality he needs to take responsibility for his own actions. I know I need to be rid of him, but it is hard when he is the only man I have had a relationship with of any kind since I was 16. I am now going to be 48. I feel hopeless in the fact that I will never experience a normal relationship or know real love. I have my kids and grandkids but I would like to have a special someone to share things with but I don't think men are ever interested in me. I am pretty much alone except for my kids when they are not busy. I don't even have any friends, except for one who lives states away. So I decided to try to find friends on here.

August 6th, 2012, 07:02 PM	#9
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	Well Aggie you have come to the right place. Here you will have loads of friends and support. Dont give up on your dreams. You need to get busy with your life. Maybe a hobby or some schooling just to get out and meet new people. I have found out that when you do then those holding you back fade into nothing. Only those like your kids and grandkids will always be there. So no worries. Hugs __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

June 22nd, 2012, 04:56 PM	#3
Jennifer23 Jennifer23 Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 3,187	TDHW, I can't add anything to what Syn has said. She is totally right.

July 6th, 2012, 05:28 AM	#5
MiaMiou Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: England Posts: 7	Hi ! I just read your story and im totally with you.. dont give up and think about your childrens, them they can be with you, helping you fight... Im so angry at your "..." to stay polite, you should forgive him, how can a human can be so cruel, talking with sl... while you are fighting so hard, seriously, me i ll think of you because between you and him, its you who deserve to live, you who have a pure heart, like a flower, dont let him make you give up and disgusted about the life. Obviously hes not a real man, no respect (its just my opinion..) and he choose the easy way staying with you and talking with other women, seriously dont suport that, it ll not help you. its better you take a little apart, even small but when you go back home you dont have to suport seeing this... I know what im saying its just words, but think about yourself, preserve you like you was a rose and dont worry everyman are not like this, you deserve better, your are stronger than him, we are not on the earth to suffer believe me, and after your fight, you will put a nice dress and bite the life like an apple !! kiss...

July 6th, 2012, 08:29 PM	#6
Jennifer23 Jennifer23 Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 3,187	Hi Mia. What you said was cool, and welcome in!

July 7th, 2012, 03:19 AM	#7
MiaMiou Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: England Posts: 7	Thank you Jennifer

August 6th, 2012, 11:27 PM	#10
Synful_Poet Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: IA Posts: 540	Welcome, Aggie! It's great to have you here. Wolfie is right, you should get out...try to find ways to socialize. You have alot of life left, I wouldn't count yourself out of love just yet... __________________ "Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior" - Socrates

August 7th, 2012, 01:29 AM	#11
jimmight Member Join Date: Aug 2012 Posts: 1	Lucky you, to have a green thumb. Wish I could say the same, but unfortunately....just the opposite. __________________ jimmight

November 2nd, 2012, 01:54 AM	#12
newyorkunivers Member Join Date: Oct 2012 Posts: 51	hi, To all guies.