Not sure if she's a lesbian

Massiveworld · January 8th, 2011, 04:05 AM

*apologies ahead of time for the amount but I don't want to leave anything out.

There's a girl that joined our class this year, and from the beginning I've noticed her looking/staring/gazing at me quite often and even smiling to me a times. She's very very tomboy, wears shirt/mostly wears sweaders, hair always up in a pony tail, loves metal (so do I), wears Converse all the time and just has that type of personality you know? Anyway, looks and personality of a lesbian do not lack her. So we were chatting here and there getting to know each other over the months, and a few months later, when we sat next to each other in the school lobby (the school is tiny less then 100 studnets) and we were in a convo that was going quite well, and I straight out asked her: "Are you gay?" which I know now was prob not the best and nicest thing to do, since we weren't THAT close for me to ask her and the timing was also not right and I also should have played with it like go around it to see how she reacts to other subjects rather than just suddenly asking her in the school lobby if she's gay. I know it wasn't right for me to do and I regret but but it's been done and there's nothing I can do to change it.
I sent her a msg on facebook later apologizing since she didn't want to have any contact with me anymore (although she wouldn't admit it) and she said it's ok (which I didn't believe I could see she was comforable), and was VERY curious in knowing the reason why I thought she's gay. Basically I answered her, and she said that she was shocked when I asked her since no one had ever aked her that before, and went on saying that she is the straightest person as can be and that she's really really really really in love with some guy. (at the time) She said those things but in a very big exaggeration.
So a while went by and since then she has severely distanced herself from me up to a point where if I put my bag somewhere and she put her bag right next to me which would mean to sit next to me, she'd move her bag literally to the other end of the class, and even when the teacher would assing us to sit together to do a thing in class she wouldn't talk or even look at me when we had to communicate. Let me just say that everytime we'd get "close" to each other (like talk or sit next to each other) she'd bite her nails, like when someone's nervous. (before I asked and after)
So lately, been for about two months already, she has suddenly started "liking" me again I guess. I find her gazing, looking, staring constantly, and each time I would catch her she will most of the time smile and giggle and look away or she will immediately look away. When I sit/talk/or standing next to someone else (especially a boy) I find her just staring at me all the time, and when she's around other girls or boys, I find her looking at me as if to see If I'm jelous or if I care. When she's with other people and I'm either alone or with other people as well, I find her trying to get a look at me whenever she can.
lately she's been talking to me alot, and when I talk to her on facebook chat about LGBT related topics, I find her either interested, curious or she's just ok about it.
If it means anything, in facebook pictures she's like 90% photographed with girls, and I find that with the girls she's kind of close and with the guys she's distanced. She hardly ever hugs men, mostly girls. And anytime she hugs men, they hug her, she doesn't hug them.
I was a million percent sure she's gay and I still kind of am, but on the other hand, why would she be so ignorant about the whole situation?
I have the feeling that it's something she has never thought of before since she was in an all girls school for 3years and suddenly when she's brought up with the idea she's starting maybe to realise she's gay or maybe even bisexual (which I very highly doubt) and it's freaking her out or I don't know. Also the getting close, popping the question and then the sudden distancy and then the slow liking again is also something to say about it?
Lately she's always trying to find a reason to talk to me, look at me, she gazes at me, when she walks to other people she looks at me, she is SUPER nice to me, and it happens at at times where I find her staring at me body and it happens often that she looks at me so much that when she's standing near by she sees me suddenly looking at her body for a few seconds (checking her up and down) and she kind of like smiles as I walk off.
Although, she's still kind of shy to sit next to me although all off the above. Could it be she's realizing that she could be gay and she's scared?
You may or may not be asking yourself why does it matter to me so much if she's gay or not.. Well.. It's because I'm starting to like her and I know it's not a good idea I'm trying not to but I just can't control my feelings. Let me just say that between the time after I asked her and her distancy I stopped liking her in that way but now that she's like this liking me again It's making me like her and I can't control it. But still doesn't mean I'm going to act out on it.

So frustrated about all this ^_^
What do you think? Could she really be gay? :\

(*ps, I posted this same thing in Relathionships section yesterday, but I didn't realize that there's this forum which I think will suit the question best)

moniker · February 11th, 2011, 09:13 PM

I was actually going to post something kinda like this...but from the point of view of your friend. You see, I give off a really, really, really gay vibe. I have no idea why...well, I actually know exactly why, haha. My own mother used to ask me monthly if I was gay when I was growing up (or every time I try to explain to her that Sodom and Gomorrah wasn't burned because of homosexuals). I have had lesbian friends who hit on me because they thought I was gay or curious and just Tuesday a friend of mine did as you did and outright asked, "Are you gay?" She also felt bad about it, like you did, so I checked the date on the post to see if you could have been her, haha!

Anyway, I'm not gay. I'm not but...it's like I want to be a lesbian, if that makes sense. I do find myself staring at women, I find myself thinking about a woman in the throes of pleasure...but when I try imagining me being the cause of that pleasure or sexually touching another woman, I just...no offense to any lesbians here but I just am very put off. All the desire shuts down. A woman's supple breasts are all well and good until I try to imagine my mouth on a nipple, for example. It's like everything's okay until I enter the equation.

I've had my chances to have lesbian experiences, but it just...it's off-putting to me. I have to believe that being gay isn't a choice because if it was I would totally be gay. I feel a deeper connection with women than I do with men, and I feel like I would rather be in a romantic, long-term relationship with a woman. I just can't imagine it sexually.

PinkAmelia · March 19th, 2011, 06:37 PM

I really understood this thread. I am the same way. Every so often I'll meet a woman, and I'll be interested, but won't really know how to approach her or what to do. The interest is there, but when they find out that I'm married with two kids, they lose interes anyway.
I suppose the nutshell version of it is that you can't tell if she is or isn't a lesbian. She may be interested but isn't ready to admit it yet. She may be curious but, like me, take years to actually get up the confidence to act on those feelings.
I don't know if that makes any sense or not.

cassandra · March 20th, 2011, 09:47 AM

Im also a woman who gives off that gay vibe..Ive been married forever but still...

Maybe its because I can see the beauty in every person regardless of gender..

The point is you cant force it anyone..She may or may not be lesbian or bi but its up to her to decide if and when she comes out ..Then again she may just be giving out that vibe...and have decided to forgive you for your blunder and just wants to be friends.

April 18th, 2011, 02:01 PM

Hi people
This is the 1st time I've posted on a group like this (or any group at all actually)
I am nearly 42 and have been married for 25 years, kids grown, left, etc.
I still have regular sex with hubby but have been friends with a lady for a number of years now and find myself really attracted to her, but I don't know if she finds me attractive in the same way.
About 20 years ago I had a short lived fling with a good friend (at hubbys instigation because it turned him on). Actually it was a 3 in my bed, - with hubby one night and with my friends hubby a couple of nights later.
I will always remember that.
But this friend I have got now is a widow and doesn't seem interested in sex and I relly don't know how to approach her or if I should as she never talks about sex even after I have made some sexual reference after telling a joke.
I'm afraid of approaching her as I don't want her to become my X friend.
Any suggestions out there??

Babyle · September 25th, 2012, 04:46 AM

I must say i do have the same problem sometimes, i see i woman i love sometimes but am not sure how she will react, and sometimes afraid to have a negative reaction, but must importantly i know am a lesbian and cannot change the fact that i am.

Jennifer23 · October 2nd, 2012, 06:45 PM

I'm not a lesbian but have a good friend that is. We're both 25 and have been friends for a number of years now. She kind of feels like Babyle does. She's told me that she is attracted to a particular woman, but is reluctant to approach her, fearing what her reaction would be. Love is love, but I can kind of understand the concerns involved.

Kalynn · October 15th, 2012, 10:20 PM

Have u ever asked just about how she feels about lesbian relationships?

Jennifer23 · June 24th, 2013, 06:49 PM

Gay people are still PEOPLE!

janni2525 · August 6th, 2014, 12:12 PM

I made a few mistakes about other people in the past myself. They gave all the signals and when I told them my true feelings they laughed at me and walked away. I was mocked and that made me feel very small. This is why it's hard to be nice to people these days. I have a problem trusting anyone ever again. On top of that people tend to use your body for a while and then they discard it after they are done. If there was a law against this there would be a few people under arrest for playing with people's minds and bodies. You can't always tell the look of a rapist. They come in sheep's clothing.

January 8th, 2011, 04:05 AM	#1
Massiveworld Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 2	Not sure if she's a lesbian apologies ahead of time for the amount but I don't want to leave anything out. There's a girl that joined our class this year, and from the beginning I've noticed her looking/staring/gazing at me quite often and even smiling to me a times. She's very very tomboy, wears shirt/mostly wears sweaders, hair always up in a pony tail, loves metal (so do I), wears Converse all the time and just has that type of personality you know? Anyway, looks and personality of a lesbian do not lack her. So we were chatting here and there getting to know each other over the months, and a few months later, when we sat next to each other in the school lobby (the school is tiny less then 100 studnets) and we were in a convo that was going quite well, and I straight out asked her: "Are you gay?" which I know now was prob not the best and nicest thing to do, since we weren't THAT close for me to ask her and the timing was also not right and I also should have played with it like go around it to see how she reacts to other subjects rather than just suddenly asking her in the school lobby if she's gay. I know it wasn't right for me to do and I regret but but it's been done and there's nothing I can do to change it. I sent her a msg on facebook later apologizing since she didn't want to have any contact with me anymore (although she wouldn't admit it) and she said it's ok (which I didn't believe I could see she was comforable), and was VERY curious in knowing the reason why I thought she's gay. Basically I answered her, and she said that she was shocked when I asked her since no one had ever aked her that before, and went on saying that she is the straightest person as can be and that she's really really really really in love with some guy. (at the time) She said those things but in a very big exaggeration. So a while went by and since then she has severely distanced herself from me up to a point where if I put my bag somewhere and she put her bag right next to me which would mean to sit next to me, she'd move her bag literally to the other end of the class, and even when the teacher would assing us to sit together to do a thing in class she wouldn't talk or even look at me when we had to communicate. Let me just say that everytime we'd get "close" to each other (like talk or sit next to each other) she'd bite her nails, like when someone's nervous. (before I asked and after) So lately, been for about two months already, she has suddenly started "liking" me again I guess. I find her gazing, looking, staring constantly, and each time I would catch her she will most of the time smile and giggle and look away or she will immediately look away. When I sit/talk/or standing next to someone else (especially a boy) I find her just staring at me all the time, and when she's around other girls or boys, I find her looking at me as if to see If I'm jelous or if I care. When she's with other people and I'm either alone or with other people as well, I find her trying to get a look at me whenever she can. lately she's been talking to me alot, and when I talk to her on facebook chat about LGBT related topics, I find her either interested, curious or she's just ok about it. If it means anything, in facebook pictures she's like 90% photographed with girls, and I find that with the girls she's kind of close and with the guys she's distanced. She hardly ever hugs men, mostly girls. And anytime she hugs men, they hug her, she doesn't hug them. I was a million percent sure she's gay and I still kind of am, but on the other hand, why would she be so ignorant about the whole situation? I have the feeling that it's something she has never thought of before since she was in an all girls school for 3years and suddenly when she's brought up with the idea she's starting maybe to realise she's gay or maybe even bisexual (which I very highly doubt) and it's freaking her out or I don't know. Also the getting close, popping the question and then the sudden distancy and then the slow liking again is also something to say about it? Lately she's always trying to find a reason to talk to me, look at me, she gazes at me, when she walks to other people she looks at me, she is SUPER nice to me, and it happens at at times where I find her staring at me body and it happens often that she looks at me so much that when she's standing near by she sees me suddenly looking at her body for a few seconds (checking her up and down) and she kind of like smiles as I walk off. Although, she's still kind of shy to sit next to me although all off the above. Could it be she's realizing that she could be gay and she's scared? You may or may not be asking yourself why does it matter to me so much if she's gay or not.. Well.. It's because I'm starting to like her and I know it's not a good idea I'm trying not to but I just can't control my feelings. Let me just say that between the time after I asked her and her distancy I stopped liking her in that way but now that she's like this liking me again It's making me like her and I can't control it. But still doesn't mean I'm going to act out on it. So frustrated about all this ^_^ What do you think? Could she really be gay? :\ (ps, I posted this same thing in Relathionships section yesterday, but I didn't realize that there's this forum which I think will suit the question best)

April 18th, 2011, 02:01 PM	#5
Jan49 Guest Posts: n/a	Am I getting too old?http://www.wowwomen.com/boards/images/smilies/smile.gif Hi people This is the 1st time I've posted on a group like this (or any group at all actually) I am nearly 42 and have been married for 25 years, kids grown, left, etc. I still have regular sex with hubby but have been friends with a lady for a number of years now and find myself really attracted to her, but I don't know if she finds me attractive in the same way. About 20 years ago I had a short lived fling with a good friend (at hubbys instigation because it turned him on). Actually it was a 3 in my bed, - with hubby one night and with my friends hubby a couple of nights later. I will always remember that. But this friend I have got now is a widow and doesn't seem interested in sex and I relly don't know how to approach her or if I should as she never talks about sex even after I have made some sexual reference after telling a joke. I'm afraid of approaching her as I don't want her to become my X friend. Any suggestions out there??

February 11th, 2011, 09:13 PM	#2
moniker Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 44	I was actually going to post something kinda like this...but from the point of view of your friend. You see, I give off a really, really, really gay vibe. I have no idea why...well, I actually know exactly why, haha. My own mother used to ask me monthly if I was gay when I was growing up (or every time I try to explain to her that Sodom and Gomorrah wasn't burned because of homosexuals). I have had lesbian friends who hit on me because they thought I was gay or curious and just Tuesday a friend of mine did as you did and outright asked, "Are you gay?" She also felt bad about it, like you did, so I checked the date on the post to see if you could have been her, haha! Anyway, I'm not gay. I'm not but...it's like I want to be a lesbian, if that makes sense. I do find myself staring at women, I find myself thinking about a woman in the throes of pleasure...but when I try imagining me being the cause of that pleasure or sexually touching another woman, I just...no offense to any lesbians here but I just am very put off. All the desire shuts down. A woman's supple breasts are all well and good until I try to imagine my mouth on a nipple, for example. It's like everything's okay until I enter the equation. I've had my chances to have lesbian experiences, but it just...it's off-putting to me. I have to believe that being gay isn't a choice because if it was I would totally be gay. I feel a deeper connection with women than I do with men, and I feel like I would rather be in a romantic, long-term relationship with a woman. I just can't imagine it sexually.

March 19th, 2011, 06:37 PM	#3
PinkAmelia Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 22	I really understood this thread. I am the same way. Every so often I'll meet a woman, and I'll be interested, but won't really know how to approach her or what to do. The interest is there, but when they find out that I'm married with two kids, they lose interes anyway. I suppose the nutshell version of it is that you can't tell if she is or isn't a lesbian. She may be interested but isn't ready to admit it yet. She may be curious but, like me, take years to actually get up the confidence to act on those feelings. I don't know if that makes any sense or not.

March 20th, 2011, 09:47 AM	#4
cassandra Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 18	Im also a woman who gives off that gay vibe..Ive been married forever but still... Maybe its because I can see the beauty in every person regardless of gender.. The point is you cant force it anyone..She may or may not be lesbian or bi but its up to her to decide if and when she comes out ..Then again she may just be giving out that vibe...and have decided to forgive you for your blunder and just wants to be friends.

September 25th, 2012, 04:46 AM	#6
Babyle Member Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 6	I must say i do have the same problem sometimes, i see i woman i love sometimes but am not sure how she will react, and sometimes afraid to have a negative reaction, but must importantly i know am a lesbian and cannot change the fact that i am.

October 2nd, 2012, 06:45 PM	#7
Jennifer23 Jennifer23 Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 3,187	I'm not a lesbian but have a good friend that is. We're both 25 and have been friends for a number of years now. She kind of feels like Babyle does. She's told me that she is attracted to a particular woman, but is reluctant to approach her, fearing what her reaction would be. Love is love, but I can kind of understand the concerns involved.

October 15th, 2012, 10:20 PM	#8
Kalynn Member Join Date: Oct 2012 Posts: 5	Have u ever asked just about how she feels about lesbian relationships?

June 24th, 2013, 06:49 PM	#9
Jennifer23 Jennifer23 Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 3,187	Gay people are still PEOPLE!

August 6th, 2014, 12:12 PM	#10
janni2525 Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 29	I made a few mistakes about other people in the past myself. They gave all the signals and when I told them my true feelings they laughed at me and walked away. I was mocked and that made me feel very small. This is why it's hard to be nice to people these days. I have a problem trusting anyone ever again. On top of that people tend to use your body for a while and then they discard it after they are done. If there was a law against this there would be a few people under arrest for playing with people's minds and bodies. You can't always tell the look of a rapist. They come in sheep's clothing.