Depression

[crazymomma]

((((ANGEL_WOLF)))) Thank you for the posive words.When I started reading it I almost laughed if I'd ran away last night I still wouldn't be home! I guess depressed wasn't the word for my mood then or now. It's more like home sick. I talked on the phone yesterday with Shimmer, my grandkids and 4 year old neice. All 3 kids got crying not whining but crying. I was told how much I am missed and my neice broke my heart. She started to cry and told me she can't wait a year for me to come down. That I need to come home now. So, I haven't been very good company.I have 2 friends who I spoke to after and both just kept calling I wanted to yell at them both to just leave me alone. Insted,I went to chat. Didn't say too much just played trivia and talked after with pearlcat. It helped but I'm still a litle blue today. Thanks all for letting vent. This helped. (((to all)))

[lilithdelmonte]

Help!!! I need someone that can understand what I'm going through. My mother is tearing me apart inside. She called me last night at my boyfriend's house, where I am now living. She told me that I am a lier and all this other bad stuff. I told her I learned it from her. She then told my that my dad didn't give a rats a** about me. I cried so hard and she only told me to stop asking for pity. I don't know what to do. She does this to me all the time and thinks she is the worlds greatest mother.

[gsf]

Angel_Wolf,before I needed several hours to make my messages.Now it is easier for me to do.Perhaps I can understand 70 percent of messages in this site by consulting English dictionary.I'm sorry I can't understand them completely.I'm very concerned about the possibility that I might hurt you by using mistaken expressions.So I can't communicate all of what I want to say.If my English improves,I will post messages even when I'm busy.I'll study hard.

[Cinderellen]

(((((lilith))))) I have some experience with that. It won't stop until you make it stop. At some point you will have to say "Mom, I love you. However I'm 21 now and you can't run my life for me. You don't get to decide what I do or how I feel. You may call me back when you are ready to talk civilly." Then hang up and stick to your guns. It might be rocky for a while, but if she loves you, it will get better. If not, do you really need that for the rest of your life? I know it sounds harsh, but at some point, the apron strings have to be cut.

Now, having said that, I don't know all the details. You'll have to temper that with what you know about your situation. But you don't have to be her puppet unless you let her pull your emotional strings.

[brede]

Mothers - gotta be the greatest love/hate relationship of all time! LOL! I have one and I am one. My mom used to be very nasty with me.

She didn't like that I had a college degree and got married.

She said she wanted grandchildren.
I told her I was pregnant.

She said she thought I should be an independent woman. (She said this knowing that I had had 3 early 2nd trimester miscarrages AND that I had been told that I wouldn't be able to have kids after I was 25 - I was 25 when I managed to stay pregnant)

She hated that I got divorced (my brother did, but that was okay)

She hated when I got remarried.

And on and on. Finally, everytime she started down that path, I would interupt her and tell her that she could call back when she could treat me with respect. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. Now, we have a very close, supportive relationship. She even compliments me! LOL

She did teach me something though. She taught me how to let my child grow up and respect his decisions. I was determined not to do to Pirate what Mom did to me.

And as someone else said (memory is fried today), do <B>only</B> what you are comfortable with doing. Anything else could be a mistake for you. Think about the relationship you would like to have with her and work towards it as a long term goal.

Feel free to email me. Anytime.

[brede]

Depression usually springs from two sources. No, not the "anger turned inward" stuff. It is situational and neurobiochemical. Situational can actually can lead to changes in brain chemistry adding that organic component. The neurobiochemical is inborn, but, it can be very aggravated by situations.

There are two treatment approaches. Well, three.

For situational that hasn't affected neurochemistry: Counseling that helps you learn to cope with whatever is happening.

With neurochemical, everything can be just perfect in your life and you can be extremely happy; and it can knock you down in no time. The appropriate treatment is medication to rebalance your neurochemisty.

When situational develops the neurochemical changes and when neurochemical causes problems in you life: the appropriate treatment is both therapy and medication.

The reason I writing this post is to let you know that depression isn't a hopeless condition. There are a lot of effective medications and therapy styles out there that DO work. I also have to remind myself of this. There is a certain percentage of people who become depressed. Within that group, about 2% of people have treatment resistant depression. And that group can use counseling/therapy techniques to help them cope.

If ever I can answer any questions anyone has about depression (or other mental illnesses), please don't hesitate to ask me. If I'm not on the board, email me. I am in that 2%, and I spent years as a counselor. I care.

[Sabra]

((((((((((ALL))))))))))))) I've not been in a good space for the last week. Thank you all for your kind thoughts. With my Dad, it is what it is. I've know for a long time, his time on this plane is limited. Thought it had ended in December but he is still here, he will not be here long of this I am certain. It's mostly he's in florida right now and I'm in Virginia. I thought it was the end in December, but my step mother wouldn't let him go in her mind and heart. He sleeps a great deal, is very weak and can not play his beloved game of golf. I'm just very frustrated and not sure where to go with my anger, etc. I call, he's sleeping and when he isn't he is to weak to talk. I'm fumbling, with my frustration, hurt and anger. I'm not sure who or what my anger is directed. it will come in time, just not right now. Forgive me if I ramble, it's not a good place to be is all. Thank you again, all of you

[LiamFan!]

{{{{Sabra}}}}

[gsf]

Sabra,I truthfuly have the affection toward you anytime when you are happy,when you are angry,when you are sorrow,and so on.I love all of yourself.When I was worried about various things,I can tell nobody my suffering.So I never advise you.I am only thinking about and praying for your happiness anytime when you are talking with us or even when you are too pained to tell about it.We are the earth to warm your heart.You are the earth to warm our heart.

[gsf]

I'm sorry.Correction:When I was worried about various things,I could tell nobody my suffering.

[Atman]

Hi, everyone!

First, gsf, I think it's wonderful that you're posting here in English. I'm teaching myself Spanish, so I know what it's like to learn another language. And I'm really impressed with your English!

And I'm incredibly sorry, Sabra, that you're going through all this with your dad. It's important to be able to express yourself, so I'm glad you're doing that. I've suffered with depression, off and on, for most of my life. I thought it was normal, and that I'd be selfish if I bothered people, so I'd try very hard to act cheerful all the time. It was the loneliest feeling. I wish I had something to say to make everything better - something more profound than "Keep communicating" - but I don't. So I'll just say keep communicating. And I'll be thinking of you.

[brede]

((((Sabra)))

I wish I could offer you some words of comfort. You are in a horrid situation right now. My parents are starting to slow way down and they both have life threatening conditions. All I can do is offer you my prayers of comfort.

[gsf]

Thank you,Atman.I hadn't known the life and thinking of people whose native language was English.I have talked with many good friends in this site.Now I feel perhaps they aren't different from those of us very much.Both you and us have consideration for other people.At first it was difficult for me because I thought maybe English didn't have the clear difference between honorific word and modest one.But now ,thanks to you,I can express my true feeling than before.I am learning hearty words of English from you(((everyone))).

[crazymomma]

(((gsf))) your English is quite lovely. Some of the things you say truly touch the heart. I somethings find it hard to express myself. Or to say the right thing. I was born here! Sometimes it's hard to express ourselves no matter our native tounge You doing a great job. How is your mother doing?

[gsf]

Thank you,crazymomma.Now she isn't suffering from a side effect very much.She knows her sickness is so bad.When I went and saw her,she said to me"You don't need to come to a hospital.I want you to pray for me at home.You can't always understand my feeling and I'm tired with you.I know you are worried about me."I think she is very emotional.It is her character.She is often angry but kind to me.I'm rather gentle.I'm hardly angry.But I can't be kind to her as she is doing to me.Before I left a hospital,she was crying.She said"I'm sorry.I'm selfish.Take care of yourself.Eat what you want and excellent dishes every day."I thought I wanted to be much kinder to her.I was crying during the night.