Celibacy - Page 2

January 2nd, 2005, 09:47 PM

This is kind of a different twist to this conversation but I am 36 and still a virgin. I have had several sexual encounters in my lifetime but never full flegded intercourse. I was brought up believing that you were to wait until marriage but I have had no prospects so far. I am getting tired of waiting and am afraid my belief system is limiting my life but the thought of giving it up so easily and casually is heart wrenching. I have someone in my life now who wants very much to have sex with me but I have been holding him at arms length because he told me early on that he wanted to spend time with me but not to expect committment and marriage. He makes me feel so good and I don't want to lose him but feel I might lose myself if I give in to him and miss out on saving myself for "the one". Please, any opinions out there?

Cod · January 3rd, 2005, 10:10 AM

I say follow your own feelings and wishes. If you truly want to save yourself for "the one", I don't think you mean someone who is unwilling to commit.

Unome · January 3rd, 2005, 07:06 PM

To thine own self be true....

Kalli · March 25th, 2006, 07:09 PM

I can only speak for myself, but being celibate has enriched the freindships i have. I've been celibate for years and it reduces the amount of emotional baggage collected and helps you see people a little more clearly, as opposed to seeing them as potential possessions or "not interesting, because they're not attractive". I do think that this applies to all sexualities, but not necessarily all people.

MintyFemme2 · March 27th, 2006, 10:44 AM

You know people are always going to have this discussion. To be or not to be . I could probably remain celibate for the rest of my life and me satsified. But I can't live one day without the human touch.
People on the whole ( not all) compare intimacey with sex. I can tell you from my experience it isn't the sex I miss since loosing Peggy. I miss the intimacy more then anything. Of course people are more intimate before and after sex most of the time. But the sexual act itself does not give me the intimacy I am missing.
The next time you are thinking about weather or not to have sex think of what it would be like with out the actual sex to fullfill your intimacy needs/wants. Being celeibate is not hard if you have your other wants /needs met.

tongue30 · March 28th, 2006, 04:29 PM

Celebacy...hmmm!!!

Now this is a good discussion topic! I am trying to be celebate until I am married in less than two months. And Yes it is very hard to do, but I am trying my damndest to accomplish this task. Since being engaged almost two months ago I have told him that there will be no more hanky-panky until we are married. He says he'll die without it, but I keep reminding him that he has gone without it before, he can do it again!! (He went w/o for over 8 months before meeting me) He can definately make it another 2 months, right?!

Nimue · December 18th, 2008, 11:22 PM

I have been celibate for over two years. I am middle-aged and I have never been married, also I have never had any children. I found myself in relationships with abusers, men who I was drawn to because they had qualities similar to my father and mother. It felt familiar to me and like an opportunity to try to gain the person's love, trust and acceptance, just like when I tried to gain the love, trust and acceptance of my parents. Also I kept finding myself with married men, I guess they were the available ones and I never found out till I had committed in some way. Anyway.. I had enough and I got hurt one too many times. Also my conclusion now is that if someone can't love you for who you are then they never will no matter what you do for them. Love probably shouldn't have to be earned. I might try dating again in the future but I have needed the time off.

Divine4me · October 9th, 2009, 05:02 PM

I love this topic. Would like to know more about being celibate. I believe it is a gift and I would like to improve in this area

Divine4me · October 9th, 2009, 05:03 PM

That's right. You goal girl I hope you made I would like to do that

tjterri63 · November 13th, 2009, 08:55 PM

Like Divine4me, I also love this topic. I just read the entire thread and have great respect for those who choose this lifestyle and the many reasons for it.

MintyFemme2, I completely understand what you wrote about intimacy and how that has nothing to do with sex. How right you are!!! I enjoy the "intimate feelings" I have because of a sexual encounter, but the intimacy I feel with my partner is almost too much for words and something I did not experience in past relationships, including my marriage of 15 years. I am sorry for your loss, and wish you well in the future

December 8th, 2009, 11:17 PM

hello, my name is shunda i'm pretty new here and i have been celibate for 9yrs now and it doesn't bother me at all. I don't have sex with anyone including myself!. I read an article that it is not healthy to remain celibate, is this true?

JANE20/20 · October 27th, 2010, 03:49 AM

Hi....I enjoyed reading the articles about people who are practicing celibacy ....I am a single parent 44....one adult son.,never married,never lived with a man...I have been celibate for 9yrs..I started abstaining because I was a single parent...and I had ended a bad relationship....and I wanted off of the "merry -go- round"...and so I go off of that ride and I have been on the side lines every since...by choice...and it is like a peace I have never known.....at this point celibacy is just like breathing...kind of second nature...although my choice is rooted in religion...I am more spiritual than religious....celibacy does provide the best protection from contracting sexually transmitted infections ....because in relationships and marriage....there is still a risk of contracting a STI...simply because people are not always faithful....I do however, desire a relationship....even though I haven't dated in several years....I can enjoy a man now in so many ways because I'm not acting on it sexually...I can go on a date with a man without sex being a part of it....but we live in an age where if you are dating a man...then you are expected to have sex...sooner than later...and if you don't then something must be wrong with you....it's the general consensus....but that type of belief can make dating challenging...I read a couple of articles above where people felt that celibacy contributed to their creativity....I can't say if it does or not...I've always had a creative side wheather it's sewing, crocheting.,baking...but I can say that having a bad day at work, or financial issues can be a catalysts to create something and my hobbies help me to unwind...while at the same time provide an outlet for that energy and emotion....for the younger people (esspecially the females, who are deciding if they should have sex with a guy who isn't willing to commit...don't do it....let him go...you will meet a guy who loves and respects you and who will commit)....even at 44.... I want a man who loves and respects me...and who will commit....I know that nowadays most people see it as just sex....and for them maybe it is....for me it's a little more than that....spiritually you are joining with that man when having sex....I know that it's not a popular belief....it's kind of old fashioned....but it's how I feel....I still believe in love.......

Dhanfel · November 8th, 2010, 04:26 AM

[i][b][b][b][b]Hi i have read this thread and i am shocked as to how familiar all the stories and reasons are to mine for being and becoming celibate. I am a 32 year old young woman and have been celibate for 5 months so far and out of a serious relationship for almost 4 years. Sex messed up things in my life so much that i realised that taking it out of the equation of my life would possibly solve some issues. Surprisingly it did. My view on men and what i eventually would want in a relationship if ever i decided to get one again is totally different from 6 months ago. The qualities and attitudes, etc i would accept or ignore or put up with are totally mapped out now (adding more everyday). Being celibate is a challenge everyday and i believe it will until the day i decided not to anymore. The part about being creative is true until i read it here i didnt actually realise how much of an impact celibacy is playing in my new life (the celibate woman). I am writing now. Journals, blogs, commentaries etc and they are good. However I never thought that i could ever do it. I am more confident when it comes to blowing off men and i am now determined to make a lot more of my life. I am going back to school and getting my medical degree. However i try to keep total sexual experiences at bay, no intimacies with men or myself. Intimacies can lead to sex and being in control at the point where you may lose control can damage the vow for celibacy...so for all those who are not sure about celibacy...it's a great lease on life and what God has to offer...Also it can be hard to be in a relationship and be celibate because attraction to the person can send you mad....

JANE20/20 · January 28th, 2011, 12:18 AM

@Dhanfel...Hi...idid recieve you message acople of moonths ago...and have tried to reply several times since includind today....but when I post or try to...the web site tells me that I'm not logged in....even though I am so I lose everything that I post....so for know on I'm going to save all of my info on hard drive....or get another profile and post it to under the celibacy topic.....this has been aleast my 4th time trying to post over a couple of months.....Jane20/20....

JANE20/20 · February 14th, 2011, 12:14 AM

@Dhanfel....Hi I just wanted to give another try at responding to your comment about celibacy....I hope that it's going well for you...but my advice is to be careful about who you share tht information with...it may surprise you but some people can become very intimidated by your personal choice....I 've had it happen to me and I work in the health care/medical field...and no matter how much education one has...esspecially in health care concerning all of the STI's/ incurable dieases that can be contracted...which should deffinately have an impact on sexual activity....but it doesn't...people are having unprotected sex whether they are educated or not....and they believe that everybody should be partaking in this activity....or it's something wrong with you....unfortunately the thought process I've found in relations to this subject is equivalent to that of teenagers...which is really sad but true...people become intimidated esspecially after you've reached a number of years...I don't know why but they do....and they have said some of the most vulgar, lewd and ignorant things about me personally because I'm celibate.....because they don't understand it....and I'm not a prude...if you saw me you wouldn't know....but some say that my behavior is a little different...it the spiritual side I guess....just some food for thought about my experience...everyone is not enlightened....feel free todrop me a line any time if you start to feel alone in this.......Good Luck!.....

March 25th, 2006, 07:09 PM	#19
Kalli Registered User Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: VA Posts: 5	love and attraction I can only speak for myself, but being celibate has enriched the freindships i have. I've been celibate for years and it reduces the amount of emotional baggage collected and helps you see people a little more clearly, as opposed to seeing them as potential possessions or "not interesting, because they're not attractive". I do think that this applies to all sexualities, but not necessarily all people.

March 27th, 2006, 10:44 AM	#20
MintyFemme2 Registered User Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: CA Posts: 571	You know people are always going to have this discussion. To be or not to be . I could probably remain celibate for the rest of my life and me satsified. But I can't live one day without the human touch. People on the whole ( not all) compare intimacey with sex. I can tell you from my experience it isn't the sex I miss since loosing Peggy. I miss the intimacy more then anything. Of course people are more intimate before and after sex most of the time. But the sexual act itself does not give me the intimacy I am missing. The next time you are thinking about weather or not to have sex think of what it would be like with out the actual sex to fullfill your intimacy needs/wants. Being celeibate is not hard if you have your other wants /needs met. __________________ " Life is what you make of it"

December 8th, 2009, 11:17 PM	#26
javienhyder Guest Posts: n/a	i'm new hello, my name is shunda i'm pretty new here and i have been celibate for 9yrs now and it doesn't bother me at all. I don't have sex with anyone including myself!. I read an article that it is not healthy to remain celibate, is this true?

January 2nd, 2005, 09:47 PM	#16
Karenin1 Guest Posts: n/a	This is kind of a different twist to this conversation but I am 36 and still a virgin. I have had several sexual encounters in my lifetime but never full flegded intercourse. I was brought up believing that you were to wait until marriage but I have had no prospects so far. I am getting tired of waiting and am afraid my belief system is limiting my life but the thought of giving it up so easily and casually is heart wrenching. I have someone in my life now who wants very much to have sex with me but I have been holding him at arms length because he told me early on that he wanted to spend time with me but not to expect committment and marriage. He makes me feel so good and I don't want to lose him but feel I might lose myself if I give in to him and miss out on saving myself for "the one". Please, any opinions out there?

January 3rd, 2005, 10:10 AM	#17
Cod Hooked on The OC! Join Date: Mar 2001 Posts: 1,252	I say follow your own feelings and wishes. If you truly want to save yourself for "the one", I don't think you mean someone who is unwilling to commit.

January 3rd, 2005, 07:06 PM	#18
Unome Registered User Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Here Posts: 6	To thine own self be true....

March 28th, 2006, 04:29 PM	#21
tongue30 Registered User Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Iowa Posts: 4	Celebacy...hmmm!!! Now this is a good discussion topic! I am trying to be celebate until I am married in less than two months. And Yes it is very hard to do, but I am trying my damndest to accomplish this task. Since being engaged almost two months ago I have told him that there will be no more hanky-panky until we are married. He says he'll die without it, but I keep reminding him that he has gone without it before, he can do it again!! (He went w/o for over 8 months before meeting me) He can definately make it another 2 months, right?!

December 18th, 2008, 11:22 PM	#22
Nimue Registered User Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 14	I have been celibate for over two years. I am middle-aged and I have never been married, also I have never had any children. I found myself in relationships with abusers, men who I was drawn to because they had qualities similar to my father and mother. It felt familiar to me and like an opportunity to try to gain the person's love, trust and acceptance, just like when I tried to gain the love, trust and acceptance of my parents. Also I kept finding myself with married men, I guess they were the available ones and I never found out till I had committed in some way. Anyway.. I had enough and I got hurt one too many times. Also my conclusion now is that if someone can't love you for who you are then they never will no matter what you do for them. Love probably shouldn't have to be earned. I might try dating again in the future but I have needed the time off.

October 9th, 2009, 05:02 PM	#23
Divine4me Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 13	I love this topic. Would like to know more about being celibate. I believe it is a gift and I would like to improve in this area

October 9th, 2009, 05:03 PM	#24
Divine4me Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 13	That's right. You goal girl I hope you made I would like to do that

November 13th, 2009, 08:55 PM	#25
tjterri63 Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Decatur, TX Posts: 20	Like Divine4me, I also love this topic. I just read the entire thread and have great respect for those who choose this lifestyle and the many reasons for it. MintyFemme2, I completely understand what you wrote about intimacy and how that has nothing to do with sex. How right you are!!! I enjoy the "intimate feelings" I have because of a sexual encounter, but the intimacy I feel with my partner is almost too much for words and something I did not experience in past relationships, including my marriage of 15 years. I am sorry for your loss, and wish you well in the future

October 27th, 2010, 03:49 AM	#27
JANE20/20 Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 67	Hi....I enjoyed reading the articles about people who are practicing celibacy ....I am a single parent 44....one adult son.,never married,never lived with a man...I have been celibate for 9yrs..I started abstaining because I was a single parent...and I had ended a bad relationship....and I wanted off of the "merry -go- round"...and so I go off of that ride and I have been on the side lines every since...by choice...and it is like a peace I have never known.....at this point celibacy is just like breathing...kind of second nature...although my choice is rooted in religion...I am more spiritual than religious....celibacy does provide the best protection from contracting sexually transmitted infections ....because in relationships and marriage....there is still a risk of contracting a STI...simply because people are not always faithful....I do however, desire a relationship....even though I haven't dated in several years....I can enjoy a man now in so many ways because I'm not acting on it sexually...I can go on a date with a man without sex being a part of it....but we live in an age where if you are dating a man...then you are expected to have sex...sooner than later...and if you don't then something must be wrong with you....it's the general consensus....but that type of belief can make dating challenging...I read a couple of articles above where people felt that celibacy contributed to their creativity....I can't say if it does or not...I've always had a creative side wheather it's sewing, crocheting.,baking...but I can say that having a bad day at work, or financial issues can be a catalysts to create something and my hobbies help me to unwind...while at the same time provide an outlet for that energy and emotion....for the younger people (esspecially the females, who are deciding if they should have sex with a guy who isn't willing to commit...don't do it....let him go...you will meet a guy who loves and respects you and who will commit)....even at 44.... I want a man who loves and respects me...and who will commit....I know that nowadays most people see it as just sex....and for them maybe it is....for me it's a little more than that....spiritually you are joining with that man when having sex....I know that it's not a popular belief....it's kind of old fashioned....but it's how I feel....I still believe in love.......

November 8th, 2010, 04:26 AM	#28
Dhanfel Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 2	[i][b][b][b][b]Hi i have read this thread and i am shocked as to how familiar all the stories and reasons are to mine for being and becoming celibate. I am a 32 year old young woman and have been celibate for 5 months so far and out of a serious relationship for almost 4 years. Sex messed up things in my life so much that i realised that taking it out of the equation of my life would possibly solve some issues. Surprisingly it did. My view on men and what i eventually would want in a relationship if ever i decided to get one again is totally different from 6 months ago. The qualities and attitudes, etc i would accept or ignore or put up with are totally mapped out now (adding more everyday). Being celibate is a challenge everyday and i believe it will until the day i decided not to anymore. The part about being creative is true until i read it here i didnt actually realise how much of an impact celibacy is playing in my new life (the celibate woman). I am writing now. Journals, blogs, commentaries etc and they are good. However I never thought that i could ever do it. I am more confident when it comes to blowing off men and i am now determined to make a lot more of my life. I am going back to school and getting my medical degree. However i try to keep total sexual experiences at bay, no intimacies with men or myself. Intimacies can lead to sex and being in control at the point where you may lose control can damage the vow for celibacy...so for all those who are not sure about celibacy...it's a great lease on life and what God has to offer...Also it can be hard to be in a relationship and be celibate because attraction to the person can send you mad....

January 28th, 2011, 12:18 AM	#29
JANE20/20 Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 67	@Dhanfel...Hi...idid recieve you message acople of moonths ago...and have tried to reply several times since includind today....but when I post or try to...the web site tells me that I'm not logged in....even though I am so I lose everything that I post....so for know on I'm going to save all of my info on hard drive....or get another profile and post it to under the celibacy topic.....this has been aleast my 4th time trying to post over a couple of months.....Jane20/20....

February 14th, 2011, 12:14 AM	#30
JANE20/20 Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 67	@Dhanfel....Hi I just wanted to give another try at responding to your comment about celibacy....I hope that it's going well for you...but my advice is to be careful about who you share tht information with...it may surprise you but some people can become very intimidated by your personal choice....I 've had it happen to me and I work in the health care/medical field...and no matter how much education one has...esspecially in health care concerning all of the STI's/ incurable dieases that can be contracted...which should deffinately have an impact on sexual activity....but it doesn't...people are having unprotected sex whether they are educated or not....and they believe that everybody should be partaking in this activity....or it's something wrong with you....unfortunately the thought process I've found in relations to this subject is equivalent to that of teenagers...which is really sad but true...people become intimidated esspecially after you've reached a number of years...I don't know why but they do....and they have said some of the most vulgar, lewd and ignorant things about me personally because I'm celibate.....because they don't understand it....and I'm not a prude...if you saw me you wouldn't know....but some say that my behavior is a little different...it the spiritual side I guess....just some food for thought about my experience...everyone is not enlightened....feel free todrop me a line any time if you start to feel alone in this.......Good Luck!.....