1st time ive expressed myself. Im getting abused.

[MummyBoo]

Ive been with my partner for 5years know. For the first year it was great. I than feel pregnant with my 1st child. My partner worked with the nhs. He took my trust, he was emailing this girl, making her feel better because someone said she was fat. Is it me or has her business got nothing to do with him? When i found the emails he took the laptop off me and closed it down and deleted all the emails and hes account! was there more that happened? i thought i hadn't a clue. After that happened things changed. I didn't trust him one bit. I wanted to leave him but he wanted to stay, so i gave him the chance to rebuild our relationship. But all that happened was.. He changed he was a different person, he treated me like i was crap on the bottom of hes shoe. Disrespected me all the time. He than started getting very personal with me. He called me horrible names, Fat ugly a bad mum he even went as low as calling me a s*** s*** h**.. He than started to harm me. Sometimes there was arguments to bring this side out of him, or it would be for no reason just himself. I've been punched, pushed kicked, spat on, hair pulled, slaps to the face, hes even ripped my clothes of to take the piss out of my body. I'm only 20years old and have two kids. My body is ruined. It seems like he hates my body. He tells me to go sunbathing to get rid of them, he takes the piss and says yeh well look at ur stomach stretch marks everywhere. there's so much that he told me that i couldn't write it down in words. hes been harming me for 3years know and im stuck, he says he dont want to leave because of the kids. im stuck! ive tried sticking up for myself . pretending that all the words hes calls me dont bother me.. But i can hold back anymore i feel so disgusting i feel like i don't want to be in this world anymore. Hes even told me to go and kill myself.. go cut your wrists you f**ing s**. Go jump of a bridge and leave me and my kids alone. I loved him so much so so much he loved me. How can he do this to a woman he tried hard for. A woman that gave up everything to be with him. And a woman that brought hes kids into this world! Men that harm woman and take there confidence away sleep at night? Ive never felt so lost in all my life. ive begged him to stop calling me names ive told him too never hurt me again but he has. Why? Ive never expressed myself like this. I cant tell my mum or dad i cant tell no one. hes a violent man never used to be. Why would this change? Does he not love me? Want me? Is he using me to stay with hes kids? I dont know. Because when he aint calling me names or hurting me hes perfect! The man i want in my life. But the other side to him i cant handle, no woman should have to deal with this. Why cant this world be different!? I just want to look good again but i cant. I would greatly appreciate having a chat with an outsider. To see what other people think of this. I want to know if its me being stupid that it is the fact that he hates me n just walks all over me. Or if hes cheated? And this is the way hes dealing with it? Help

[Synful_Poet]

I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through such an ordeal, and alone with no one to turn to at that. Your partners’ behavior has nothing to do with you at all. It’s more likely his way of controlling the situation. It’s his issue and he is in the wrong!!

I know it’s very difficult to have to think about, but you need to get yourself and your children out of that situation. I’m sorry, dear, but odds are its only going to get worse. I know you love this man (or the man he used to be) but not only is he hurting you, he’s hurting the children as well. I’m sure you’ve heard that children who grow up in abusive homes often become abusers or get involved with an abusive person. I’m not trying to preach; I’m sure that’s what it sounds like but I really only want you to be safe and happy.

Please don't think to hurt yourself and don't listen to your partner. There is always a way to make things better and, I know, with him constantly putting you down, it can be really hard to see that. But you have to try because your children would in no way be better off without you.

I’m sure you’re a wonderful mother and that your kids love you bunches and bunches. You are a strong woman to have put with such horrible things for such a long time. And you are right, no one…..absolutely NO ONE deserves to be treated the way you have been.

I wish you lots of luck and happiness (eventually you will find it).

[Jennifer23]

MummyBoo, I can't add anything to what was just said. Synful Poet is right. Good luck.