I don't know what to do anymore

Idon'tknow · April 25th, 2012, 02:21 AM

About a year ago my boyfriend and I broke up because he cheated on me. We had been together for about 9 years. He had cheated on me years earlier but I never thought he would do it again. I was horrified to learn on New Years Day that what he had been doing on New Years Eve is sleeping with a girl I knew and trusted. Since then I have got into a new relationship but for some reason I can't seem to let all of the past relationship stuff go. I still miss him frequently and whenever my new boyfriend does something that I find hurtful I feel like it effects me more than it should. Every little thing hurts me so bad. I have found myself not wanting to hang out with anybody but my new boyfriend. I guess when I am actually physically with him I do not think about the pain from my past relationship so there is some relief in it. I just do not know how to move on. My ex was my best friend for 10 years, we grew up together, his family had become my family and now they are all gone. It makes me feel so alone sometimes. I want to be able to give my new relationship a chance but I don't think I can until I find a way to let the past go. Please help me! I am quite young, this was my first serious boyfriend so I am not sure how to handle this loss.

Synful_Poet · April 25th, 2012, 03:29 AM

Well, personally, I don't have alot of experience with long term ex's, but the loss and hurtfulness I totally get.

Ofcorse your feelings get hurt more easily now, I mean, when you've so recently been through something that hurts as much as cheating obviously would. At the risk of sounding cliche... think of it like you would a stab wound, until it's healed completely, it doesn't take much to make it bleed again.

And the loss... well that's what it is, isn't it. I think it's just a time game. Dealing with a loss of that magnitude (best friend & boyfriend), it's just going to take time. I know thats the last thing you want to here. I really wish I could give you a time frame, but there just isn't one. Everyones time frame is different.

Hope this helps. And if it doesn't, I'm not the only one here. I'm sure one of these other fine ladies can give you some insight with the experience to back it up. I hope things get better for you, soon.

Wolf_angel · April 25th, 2012, 06:20 AM

Their mistakes should be a way to empower you to move on. If you had been friends with his family for years in time you can resume only those friendships. Not his or that girl. Yet take time out for yourself right now. Become comfortable with your self, your trust issues and etc. Let your current Bf know what is what. This way He knows its not just him. Maybe he will help you thru this. But personally I dont need or want a bf right now til I get the garbage of the last 15 or so years cleaned out. Hugs

maddiemondie · July 17th, 2012, 11:56 PM

Clear your mind and never give up.

April 25th, 2012, 02:21 AM	#1
Idon'tknow Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 1	I don't know what to do anymore About a year ago my boyfriend and I broke up because he cheated on me. We had been together for about 9 years. He had cheated on me years earlier but I never thought he would do it again. I was horrified to learn on New Years Day that what he had been doing on New Years Eve is sleeping with a girl I knew and trusted. Since then I have got into a new relationship but for some reason I can't seem to let all of the past relationship stuff go. I still miss him frequently and whenever my new boyfriend does something that I find hurtful I feel like it effects me more than it should. Every little thing hurts me so bad. I have found myself not wanting to hang out with anybody but my new boyfriend. I guess when I am actually physically with him I do not think about the pain from my past relationship so there is some relief in it. I just do not know how to move on. My ex was my best friend for 10 years, we grew up together, his family had become my family and now they are all gone. It makes me feel so alone sometimes. I want to be able to give my new relationship a chance but I don't think I can until I find a way to let the past go. Please help me! I am quite young, this was my first serious boyfriend so I am not sure how to handle this loss.

April 25th, 2012, 03:29 AM	#2
Synful_Poet Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: IA Posts: 540	Well, personally, I don't have alot of experience with long term ex's, but the loss and hurtfulness I totally get. Ofcorse your feelings get hurt more easily now, I mean, when you've so recently been through something that hurts as much as cheating obviously would. At the risk of sounding cliche... think of it like you would a stab wound, until it's healed completely, it doesn't take much to make it bleed again. And the loss... well that's what it is, isn't it. I think it's just a time game. Dealing with a loss of that magnitude (best friend & boyfriend), it's just going to take time. I know thats the last thing you want to here. I really wish I could give you a time frame, but there just isn't one. Everyones time frame is different. Hope this helps. And if it doesn't, I'm not the only one here. I'm sure one of these other fine ladies can give you some insight with the experience to back it up. I hope things get better for you, soon. __________________ "Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior" - Socrates

April 25th, 2012, 06:20 AM	#3
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	Their mistakes should be a way to empower you to move on. If you had been friends with his family for years in time you can resume only those friendships. Not his or that girl. Yet take time out for yourself right now. Become comfortable with your self, your trust issues and etc. Let your current Bf know what is what. This way He knows its not just him. Maybe he will help you thru this. But personally I dont need or want a bf right now til I get the garbage of the last 15 or so years cleaned out. Hugs __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

July 17th, 2012, 11:56 PM	#4
maddiemondie Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 19	Clear your mind and never give up.