A little advice?

banana_split · August 27th, 2012, 06:57 AM

Hi Everybody,
How are we all? I'm new here so forgive me if this is posted in the wrong place!

Was just hoping for maybe a little advice or opinions from somebody else's mind apart from my own!

Back in May I experienced the joy of finding out I was pregnant (for the first time), which soon turned into one of the worst experiences of my life, a week or so later, I'd lost the baby.

So I thought I was dealing with this fairly well, but the more time that passes the worst I feel. Thoughts like "Id be half way through my pregnancy if things worked out" or "I wonder if it was going to be a boy or girl" are filling my mind, and I just seem to be getting more sad everyday.

When I went into the doctors for my initial pregnancy test, the doctor done a routine pap smear since id never had one of those before either! Well the results came back abnormal, and I had to go in to have some biopsy's done (which were excruciating by the way!!) which came back as "pre-cancerous" cells, so next month, I'm booked in to have them removed. I guess I'm telling you all this because since the miscarriage, with the abnormal pap amongst other things going on in my life.. I haven't really taken any time to just sit back and actually grieve the loss of the baby. I haven't had time.

So I keep telling myself that everything is OK, that I'm ok and so does everybody else. But reality is, Im not. My family and my partner have told me "it just wasn't the right time" and that "it'll happen" but Its hard, because I don't want another one, I want the one I had. and i know that's impossible, but that's how i feel and I suppose i just want somebody else to relate to about that.

Another thing.... Jealousy!! oh gosh its such an ugly emotion.
I'm not normally a jealous person, but occasionaly that emotion will creep in there with me lol. Im not jealous of pregnant woman in general, just one particular person.. I really really really don't like them, they're nasty and a chronic liar. I believe that all woman who want kids deserve that opportunity to do so. But there is just something in the back of my head that keeps comparing myself to this one particular person and I guess I just get... jealous!! I keep thinking that, there must of been something I have done really wrong in my life to of deserved what is going on with me this year, and I cant get over the fact that there she is with something i want so bad and she's lied and cheated and back stabbed her way through life and yet she still is able to experience the best (in my opinion) part of life. ...and I don't

So if anybody has any advice or opinions, or coping methods at all that would be much appreciated!

Thanks for reading!!

Jennifer23 · August 27th, 2012, 01:32 PM

Banana, I feel for you. I want to marry and be pregnant, but I don't know how I would deal with what you're going through. It's easy for me to say that you should try to move on, but it's hard for you. Try to keep that bad woman out of your thoughts because when she's in your head, it brings you down. I wish you the best.

Wolf_angel · August 27th, 2012, 03:43 PM

Well banana let me tell you this: Go get some grief counseling. I should know ok? Why? my daughter lost her baby boy when he was only 3 1/2 months old from SIDS ok? Normal for you to feel this way. But keeping this bottled up isnt helping you or anyone. I know what you mean about this other person. I have one in my area who is not what I would consider a good Mom cause of the choices she makes. She is the same as that other person who you are jealous of. Now get that procedure done ok? It will help you and hope that it will make any other pregnancies down the road easier. I know not right now is not good for you. But you should get the counselling ok? Hugs

August 27th, 2012, 06:57 AM	#1
banana_split Member Join Date: Aug 2012 Posts: 1	A little advice? Hi Everybody, How are we all? I'm new here so forgive me if this is posted in the wrong place! Was just hoping for maybe a little advice or opinions from somebody else's mind apart from my own! Back in May I experienced the joy of finding out I was pregnant (for the first time), which soon turned into one of the worst experiences of my life, a week or so later, I'd lost the baby. So I thought I was dealing with this fairly well, but the more time that passes the worst I feel. Thoughts like "Id be half way through my pregnancy if things worked out" or "I wonder if it was going to be a boy or girl" are filling my mind, and I just seem to be getting more sad everyday. When I went into the doctors for my initial pregnancy test, the doctor done a routine pap smear since id never had one of those before either! Well the results came back abnormal, and I had to go in to have some biopsy's done (which were excruciating by the way!!) which came back as "pre-cancerous" cells, so next month, I'm booked in to have them removed. I guess I'm telling you all this because since the miscarriage, with the abnormal pap amongst other things going on in my life.. I haven't really taken any time to just sit back and actually grieve the loss of the baby. I haven't had time. So I keep telling myself that everything is OK, that I'm ok and so does everybody else. But reality is, Im not. My family and my partner have told me "it just wasn't the right time" and that "it'll happen" but Its hard, because I don't want another one, I want the one I had. and i know that's impossible, but that's how i feel and I suppose i just want somebody else to relate to about that. Another thing.... Jealousy!! oh gosh its such an ugly emotion. I'm not normally a jealous person, but occasionaly that emotion will creep in there with me lol. Im not jealous of pregnant woman in general, just one particular person.. I really really really don't like them, they're nasty and a chronic liar. I believe that all woman who want kids deserve that opportunity to do so. But there is just something in the back of my head that keeps comparing myself to this one particular person and I guess I just get... jealous!! I keep thinking that, there must of been something I have done really wrong in my life to of deserved what is going on with me this year, and I cant get over the fact that there she is with something i want so bad and she's lied and cheated and back stabbed her way through life and yet she still is able to experience the best (in my opinion) part of life. ...and I don't So if anybody has any advice or opinions, or coping methods at all that would be much appreciated! Thanks for reading!!

August 27th, 2012, 03:43 PM	#3
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	Well banana let me tell you this: Go get some grief counseling. I should know ok? Why? my daughter lost her baby boy when he was only 3 1/2 months old from SIDS ok? Normal for you to feel this way. But keeping this bottled up isnt helping you or anyone. I know what you mean about this other person. I have one in my area who is not what I would consider a good Mom cause of the choices she makes. She is the same as that other person who you are jealous of. Now get that procedure done ok? It will help you and hope that it will make any other pregnancies down the road easier. I know not right now is not good for you. But you should get the counselling ok? Hugs __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

August 27th, 2012, 01:32 PM	#2
Jennifer23 Jennifer23 Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 3,187	Banana, I feel for you. I want to marry and be pregnant, but I don't know how I would deal with what you're going through. It's easy for me to say that you should try to move on, but it's hard for you. Try to keep that bad woman out of your thoughts because when she's in your head, it brings you down. I wish you the best.