Question to All women

unknown-ml · January 22nd, 2010, 01:40 PM

Hi, this is my first time here. I am single, never married, and still a virgin, im 45. I am not in nor have i ever been in a relationship. i may some day (which i doubt), and get married which requires sex. i am not looking forward to that, in fact im dreading it. now, my question is this: what was your first time like? how did you deal with the pain? what did you think about before, during and after? since it hurt, why did you do it again?

my religious beliefs are keeping me from having sex till marriage. thank you for your time.

Wolf_angel · January 23rd, 2010, 12:37 PM

Well tis normal for the first time to hurt. Yet after a few minutes the pain is replaced with untold pleasure. Hence tis why you would enjoy it again. Dreading and the fear of it will only make things worse. Your spouse would put you at ease. Just a glass of wine sometimes helps as well to help you relax. Sex is one of life's greatest enjoyments! Especially with someone you love!
Have a great day!

unknown-ml · April 9th, 2010, 09:41 PM

thank you wolf angel for responding. i appreciate your in put. i also want to thank those who have read this and not responded, by not responding i feel that you agree with me that sex is really not worth the pain. i am still single and a virgin and unfortunatly may remain so till i die. thank you all very much.

Saucy Sabrina · April 10th, 2010, 12:18 AM

well that is your choice. no one can tell you what to do on that one. but i know its something that may with the right person is good. but again its your choice. be happy

crazymomma · April 10th, 2010, 11:20 AM

If you have dwelled on this for this long no wonder you are so scared. Wolf angel is right. when the time is right you will know it and it will be worth it.It may not be that the nonrespance was an agreement more that some of the ladies and men many not have believed that you were being honest with us. One thing I can tell you is this. Your first time sexual experince is a private thing that most of us at my age can't even remember cause it was so long ago. For me personally I think it has been almost as many years as you have been alive! So, it was not meant in my case as disbelief or not intress but just plan I don't remember.
Then again ask most who know me and I can't even tell you what I had for lunch yesterday let alone what I did so many years ago!

unknown-ml · April 11th, 2010, 10:20 AM

I am 46 yrs old now and have never had sex, because it is my belief not to have it til married. but lately my body is wanting it but my brain is telling me that it will hurt like hell. because there is no way that big thing can be forced into a womans small thing without pain. Thank you for your imput.

Lingerie Goddess · April 20th, 2010, 10:34 AM

Before you can enjoy having sex with a partner, it might be fun to get in touch with your own body, explore your sensuality and see what turns you on. When the time comes to be with a partner, it will help you communicate your desires, your fears and express what you would like your partner to do to give you pleasure. You have a voice in the bedroom, you can tell your partner to take it slow and ease yourself into love-making that feels pleasurable for both of you. A loving partner should be compassionate to your needs and make sure that your experience feels good-no matter what the pace.

unknown-ml · April 20th, 2010, 06:35 PM

well Lingerie Goddess, i gave myself the first orgasim that i have ever had. and if that is what sex is like, i don't want it. i felt like i was having a seizure, my whole body got very cold and i shook all over and my body twitched. i did not like that feeling. thank you for your imput

Wolf_angel · April 21st, 2010, 08:43 AM

Sex itself is ok but with the right person is awesome. This person makes sure that their partner gets enjoyment out of it along with themselves. Sometimes the enjoyment of the other fuels their own. Just a thought!

unknown-ml · April 21st, 2010, 06:49 PM

I'm never going to find the RIGHT one, he does not exist for me. I am as ugly as sin and no fella wants that. I've given up hope.

Thanks for your imput.

unknown-ml · April 24th, 2010, 09:24 AM

can anyone tell me what an orgasim is and what it feels like to have one? my 29 yr old niece has more experience in this than me and she said they are awesome but that is all she will tell me. i thought i had one, i got extremely cold and my body shook all over and my whole body twitched. it felt like i was having a seizure, i did not like that feeling. now was that an orgasim or not? how am i suppose to know when i have one if i don't know what they feel like? thank you for your time

eleanor5 · May 18th, 2010, 08:02 AM

Makes me all warm and fuzzy. Do not give up!

QueenEsther · May 23rd, 2010, 12:51 PM

UNKNOW, you have to first of all change your viewpoint about yourself. Second, you need to have a different view about sex, whether you chose to have it or not. Tell yourself that sex is great! Give yourself permission to think that way. It's natural and okay to engage in it under the "right" condition, being a religious person myself. Your posts sound like you think SEX is a bad thing. If that's the case, you won't desire it and would only think bad things about it. No matter what you look like, TELL YOURSELF that's you're beautiful. Futhermore, we can all improve what God gave us. We hold the key to that! Think of ways to feel good about yourself, man or no man, marriage or no marriage, sex or no sex. Stop focusing on the pain! The flip side is the pleasure... LOL

unknown-ml · May 24th, 2010, 07:09 AM

thank you queenesther and eleanor5 for your input. the only way for me to find out for sure is to become a slut and have sex with several men, ive been looking for a man to love me before i had sex but that is never going to happen. pain and pleasure are separate things they dont go hand in hand. when i feel pain i dont feel pleasure and visa versa. thank you for your time.

November 24th, 2010, 11:24 PM

Unknown>> I had a very bad experience when I first had sex. (I was 20.) But, I was so starved for love and acceptance that I didn't receive from my family,(mother, father, etc.) It was the way that I was thinking inside my brain. I am now finding out that our brain is a remarkable tool that we use everyday, though our thoughts are ours, YOU are able to control what you think about yourself. I am not there yet with self-asteem, but my thoughts are working and practicing to ackowledge myself as a worthy person of loving myself, FIRST. Putting into practice what those positive, loving thoughts that YOU ARE, worthy of that love. Then by all means, share the love you have with yourself, it's not a selfish act to express love to yourself, (for yourself). I wasn't able to express love to anyone until I had changed my thoughts about myself. Until I did, I was abusing myself by having sex many times, when I didn't feel worthy. I wasn't being fair to myself or to my own body. I had to learn to express and feel the pleasures that only I would know about my own body. Everything about learning about my sexuality was learned over a period of years. Because it was many years, that I spent in the dark about what loving and accepting me for who I am. Noone can let you know, what you know about you. God knows you though.
Be Blessed, Unknown
Love, Gennie45

January 22nd, 2010, 01:40 PM	#1
unknown-ml Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 71	Question to All women Hi, this is my first time here. I am single, never married, and still a virgin, im 45. I am not in nor have i ever been in a relationship. i may some day (which i doubt), and get married which requires sex. i am not looking forward to that, in fact im dreading it. now, my question is this: what was your first time like? how did you deal with the pain? what did you think about before, during and after? since it hurt, why did you do it again? my religious beliefs are keeping me from having sex till marriage. thank you for your time.

January 23rd, 2010, 12:37 PM	#2
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	Well tis normal for the first time to hurt. Yet after a few minutes the pain is replaced with untold pleasure. Hence tis why you would enjoy it again. Dreading and the fear of it will only make things worse. Your spouse would put you at ease. Just a glass of wine sometimes helps as well to help you relax. Sex is one of life's greatest enjoyments! Especially with someone you love! Have a great day! __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

April 10th, 2010, 12:18 AM	#4
Saucy Sabrina Universal Free Spirit Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: California Posts: 5	well that is your choice. no one can tell you what to do on that one. but i know its something that may with the right person is good. but again its your choice. be happy __________________ Sing DanceLive

April 10th, 2010, 11:20 AM	#5
crazymomma awesome cookie lady Join Date: May 2003 Location: Leechburgh, PA Posts: 1,993	If you have dwelled on this for this long no wonder you are so scared. Wolf angel is right. when the time is right you will know it and it will be worth it.It may not be that the nonrespance was an agreement more that some of the ladies and men many not have believed that you were being honest with us. One thing I can tell you is this. Your first time sexual experince is a private thing that most of us at my age can't even remember cause it was so long ago. For me personally I think it has been almost as many years as you have been alive! So, it was not meant in my case as disbelief or not intress but just plan I don't remember. Then again ask most who know me and I can't even tell you what I had for lunch yesterday let alone what I did so many years ago! __________________ It feels like home to me. Bonnie Rhatt

April 20th, 2010, 10:34 AM	#7
Lingerie Goddess Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: NYC & South Beach Miami Posts: 16	Get in touch with yourself first Before you can enjoy having sex with a partner, it might be fun to get in touch with your own body, explore your sensuality and see what turns you on. When the time comes to be with a partner, it will help you communicate your desires, your fears and express what you would like your partner to do to give you pleasure. You have a voice in the bedroom, you can tell your partner to take it slow and ease yourself into love-making that feels pleasurable for both of you. A loving partner should be compassionate to your needs and make sure that your experience feels good-no matter what the pace.

April 9th, 2010, 09:41 PM	#3
unknown-ml Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 71	thank you wolf angel for responding. i appreciate your in put. i also want to thank those who have read this and not responded, by not responding i feel that you agree with me that sex is really not worth the pain. i am still single and a virgin and unfortunatly may remain so till i die. thank you all very much.

April 11th, 2010, 10:20 AM	#6
unknown-ml Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 71	I am 46 yrs old now and have never had sex, because it is my belief not to have it til married. but lately my body is wanting it but my brain is telling me that it will hurt like hell. because there is no way that big thing can be forced into a womans small thing without pain. Thank you for your imput.

April 20th, 2010, 06:35 PM	#8
unknown-ml Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 71	well Lingerie Goddess, i gave myself the first orgasim that i have ever had. and if that is what sex is like, i don't want it. i felt like i was having a seizure, my whole body got very cold and i shook all over and my body twitched. i did not like that feeling. thank you for your imput

April 21st, 2010, 08:43 AM	#9
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	Sex itself is ok but with the right person is awesome. This person makes sure that their partner gets enjoyment out of it along with themselves. Sometimes the enjoyment of the other fuels their own. Just a thought! __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

April 21st, 2010, 06:49 PM	#10
unknown-ml Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 71	I'm never going to find the RIGHT one, he does not exist for me. I am as ugly as sin and no fella wants that. I've given up hope. Thanks for your imput.

April 24th, 2010, 09:24 AM	#11
unknown-ml Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 71	can anyone tell me what an orgasim is and what it feels like to have one? my 29 yr old niece has more experience in this than me and she said they are awesome but that is all she will tell me. i thought i had one, i got extremely cold and my body shook all over and my whole body twitched. it felt like i was having a seizure, i did not like that feeling. now was that an orgasim or not? how am i suppose to know when i have one if i don't know what they feel like? thank you for your time

May 18th, 2010, 08:02 AM	#12
eleanor5 Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 2	Makes me all warm and fuzzy. Do not give up!

May 23rd, 2010, 12:51 PM	#13
QueenEsther Devinely Designed WOMAN Join Date: May 2010 Location: Washington, DC Posts: 2	UNKNOW, you have to first of all change your viewpoint about yourself. Second, you need to have a different view about sex, whether you chose to have it or not. Tell yourself that sex is great! Give yourself permission to think that way. It's natural and okay to engage in it under the "right" condition, being a religious person myself. Your posts sound like you think SEX is a bad thing. If that's the case, you won't desire it and would only think bad things about it. No matter what you look like, TELL YOURSELF that's you're beautiful. Futhermore, we can all improve what God gave us. We hold the key to that! Think of ways to feel good about yourself, man or no man, marriage or no marriage, sex or no sex. Stop focusing on the pain! The flip side is the pleasure... LOL

May 24th, 2010, 07:09 AM	#14
unknown-ml Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 71	thank you queenesther and eleanor5 for your input. the only way for me to find out for sure is to become a slut and have sex with several men, ive been looking for a man to love me before i had sex but that is never going to happen. pain and pleasure are separate things they dont go hand in hand. when i feel pain i dont feel pleasure and visa versa. thank you for your time.

November 24th, 2010, 11:24 PM	#15
Gennie45 Guest Posts: n/a	Unknown>> I had a very bad experience when I first had sex. (I was 20.) But, I was so starved for love and acceptance that I didn't receive from my family,(mother, father, etc.) It was the way that I was thinking inside my brain. I am now finding out that our brain is a remarkable tool that we use everyday, though our thoughts are ours, YOU are able to control what you think about yourself. I am not there yet with self-asteem, but my thoughts are working and practicing to ackowledge myself as a worthy person of loving myself, FIRST. Putting into practice what those positive, loving thoughts that YOU ARE, worthy of that love. Then by all means, share the love you have with yourself, it's not a selfish act to express love to yourself, (for yourself). I wasn't able to express love to anyone until I had changed my thoughts about myself. Until I did, I was abusing myself by having sex many times, when I didn't feel worthy. I wasn't being fair to myself or to my own body. I had to learn to express and feel the pleasures that only I would know about my own body. Everything about learning about my sexuality was learned over a period of years. Because it was many years, that I spent in the dark about what loving and accepting me for who I am. Noone can let you know, what you know about you. God knows you though. Be Blessed, Unknown Love, Gennie45