i need advice

catbird767 · May 29th, 2011, 10:57 PM

I'm a 21 year old recent graduate who just had to move back home. The problem is, i hate home. Looking back I think I had severe depression, usually triggered by my dad. This man is both emotionally and physically abusive to me, my mom, and my brother. In high school I went to school on several occasions with bruises on my body caused by this man.
Long story short: I know that in order to relieve my own depression and for the sake of my own sanity I need to move as far away from him as I can. Unfortunately I can't in good conscience leave my mother and brother to fend for themselves with him. While my brother is physically big enough to combat dad's abuse, he doesn't because he is still afraid of dad. On more than one occasion I have stepped in while he was hitting my mother to defend her, the most recent altercation was just a couple hours ago.
How can I get out of here and do what I must to take care of myself without leaving the rest of my family to fend for themselves? I would never forgive myself if something happened to either because I left and wasn't around to help defend them from this tyrant of a father.

DACDjr · May 30th, 2011, 12:42 AM

Hiya cat!

Well first and most importantly, has anyone gone to the police?
(I think that should be done). Second have you talked to your mother and brother about getting out before something real bad happens? I commend you for not wanting to leave your family.

Try these sites

www.helpguide.org

www.safehorizon.com

Not sure if they will help any, but I hope they do...

May God be with you and your family..

catbird767 · May 30th, 2011, 08:11 AM

Thank you for your kind words. I've tried calling the police in the past, but my mom has taken the phone out of my hands and hung up before the call goes through. Although for most of my life my mother has been the primary bread winner and dad has "done things to help around the house", Mom refuses to leave him because she is convinced he would get everything and leave her with nothing. She refuses to leave, and whereas it breaks my heart to think that she believes she's stuck, I don't think I could ever convince her to walk out. Which makes me focus my concern on my brother. He doesn't have the option to leave this environment unless my mom goes because he nowhere else to go. Both continually make up excuses for why dad's behavior is all right. I just feel stuck.

DACDjr · May 30th, 2011, 11:45 AM

May ask how old your brother is?

catbird767 · May 30th, 2011, 01:10 PM

DACDjr · May 30th, 2011, 02:45 PM

I am not sure... If I was in your situation I would take the phone and hide and call the police..
I would be obligated to protect my brother as I am an adult. 15 is still a little voice.. Your mom on the other hand may not want "out" but as you said, your brother has no other choice.. Be his VOICE!

I have seen and heard of too many child abuse cases gone wrong, causing death because no-one spoke out for the little voices. If I was your friend or neighbor, I WOULD SPEAK OUT....

I rest my case...

StacyH. · May 30th, 2011, 07:15 PM

I am sorry you and your brother are going thru this. I too went thru something similar. Have you talked to your mom one on one and let her see how much this is effecting you and your brother ?? There are steps you can take depending on what state you are in. I know a friend of mine who just turned 23 got temporary custody of her sisters when her mom would not leave an abusive man. Sometimes the women just feels she has no choice, let her know she does. I will keep your family in my prayers. I wish you luck !!!

sistergirl · May 30th, 2011, 08:25 PM

Wow! Safety first.

May 29th, 2011, 10:57 PM	#1
catbird767 Member Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 3	i need advice I'm a 21 year old recent graduate who just had to move back home. The problem is, i hate home. Looking back I think I had severe depression, usually triggered by my dad. This man is both emotionally and physically abusive to me, my mom, and my brother. In high school I went to school on several occasions with bruises on my body caused by this man. Long story short: I know that in order to relieve my own depression and for the sake of my own sanity I need to move as far away from him as I can. Unfortunately I can't in good conscience leave my mother and brother to fend for themselves with him. While my brother is physically big enough to combat dad's abuse, he doesn't because he is still afraid of dad. On more than one occasion I have stepped in while he was hitting my mother to defend her, the most recent altercation was just a couple hours ago. How can I get out of here and do what I must to take care of myself without leaving the rest of my family to fend for themselves? I would never forgive myself if something happened to either because I left and wasn't around to help defend them from this tyrant of a father.

May 30th, 2011, 12:42 AM	#2
DACDjr Senior Memeber Join Date: May 2001 Location: Indiana Posts: 864	Hiya cat! Well first and most importantly, has anyone gone to the police? (I think that should be done). Second have you talked to your mother and brother about getting out before something real bad happens? I commend you for not wanting to leave your family. Try these sites www.helpguide.org www.safehorizon.com Not sure if they will help any, but I hope they do... May God be with you and your family.. __________________ KAP-AJS

May 30th, 2011, 11:45 AM	#4
DACDjr Senior Memeber Join Date: May 2001 Location: Indiana Posts: 864	May ask how old your brother is? __________________ KAP-AJS

May 30th, 2011, 02:45 PM	#6
DACDjr Senior Memeber Join Date: May 2001 Location: Indiana Posts: 864	I am not sure... If I was in your situation I would take the phone and hide and call the police.. I would be obligated to protect my brother as I am an adult. 15 is still a little voice.. Your mom on the other hand may not want "out" but as you said, your brother has no other choice.. Be his VOICE! I have seen and heard of too many child abuse cases gone wrong, causing death because no-one spoke out for the little voices. If I was your friend or neighbor, I WOULD SPEAK OUT.... I rest my case... __________________ KAP-AJS

May 30th, 2011, 08:11 AM	#3
catbird767 Member Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 3	Thank you for your kind words. I've tried calling the police in the past, but my mom has taken the phone out of my hands and hung up before the call goes through. Although for most of my life my mother has been the primary bread winner and dad has "done things to help around the house", Mom refuses to leave him because she is convinced he would get everything and leave her with nothing. She refuses to leave, and whereas it breaks my heart to think that she believes she's stuck, I don't think I could ever convince her to walk out. Which makes me focus my concern on my brother. He doesn't have the option to leave this environment unless my mom goes because he nowhere else to go. Both continually make up excuses for why dad's behavior is all right. I just feel stuck.

May 30th, 2011, 01:10 PM	#5
catbird767 Member Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 3	15

May 30th, 2011, 07:15 PM	#7
StacyH. Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: With my kids Posts: 83	I am sorry you and your brother are going thru this. I too went thru something similar. Have you talked to your mom one on one and let her see how much this is effecting you and your brother ?? There are steps you can take depending on what state you are in. I know a friend of mine who just turned 23 got temporary custody of her sisters when her mom would not leave an abusive man. Sometimes the women just feels she has no choice, let her know she does. I will keep your family in my prayers. I wish you luck !!!

May 30th, 2011, 08:25 PM	#8
sistergirl Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 648	Wow! Safety first.