Is my husband cheating?

slferguson88 · May 2nd, 2012, 03:55 AM

Hi everyone! I wanted to get some input on the problem I came across today. I was putting away laundry and found a web cam in my husband's dresser drawers. I know he already has one built in on his computer so I assume this was being used on his old computer that didn't have one. I got on his computer to see what I could see about why he needs a web cam for his computer. I found nude pictures of him and some emails from girls who he has been chatting with online. We have had this problem in our relationship in the past and we got passed it and got married. He said that he would never do it again and there has been no signs that he had done it again until now. We fought so badly because he was upset because I was on his computer being "nosey" and I shouldn't have done that. I am really torn about if I should bring it up to him because of this reason. He will know that I was on his computer again looking at his emails. Is this considered a form of cheating and if so, what should I do about it? We have such a good relationship and I really don't want it to be ended over something like this. I would love some advice from you guys! Thanks a bunch!

Synful_Poet · May 2nd, 2012, 11:46 PM

Okay, I'm gonna try to give this a go, even though I haven't really had personal experience with this kind of situation. Mind you, I have known several women who have gone through the whole spousal cheating thing.

First, in my opinion...yeah, thats definitely cheating. If he has to hide it, it's wrong!

Second, people who are/feel guilty about something usually like to throw the blame first. In other words, when you confronted your husband last time, he basically tried to "share" some of the guilt he was feeling by placing blame at your feet.

Third, you have every right to know what's going on. And if he hadn't given you a reason to be suspicious, you would have gone looking for answers.

I hope this helps. I know there are others here at WOW who might be able to give better advice on this subject. And I'm really sorry your husband's putting you through this again.

slferguson88 · May 3rd, 2012, 08:58 AM

Thanks for your response! I appreciate your advice.

justjanenh · May 6th, 2012, 10:42 AM

Being that I am in the same boat. Mine is the same way... He gets mad at me for me being nosey...

I don't see that you are doing anything wrong. I don't trust my husband and I am sorry you are going through this so early in your marriage. I would just put it in the back of my mind, until something else happens. I would also email to that acct... so he knows you know the addy. (I did this)

Sorry again.

Jane<<<< who is re-evaluating all her life choices except her kids right now.

Synful_Poet · May 6th, 2012, 06:06 PM

Ohhhh, Jane, how...devious of you.

LMAO I love it!!

Good for you!

Shelley66 · May 14th, 2012, 10:12 AM

Hi, my partner has been and still is on dating sites. This breaks my heart as we've been together almost 3 yrs now and the first time I found out, was just awful. I decided to join the site under a false identity, find him and start chatting. He said he was single etc and wanted to meet up. We arranged a meeting, he set the time and date when he knew I was busy!! Anyway, to cut a long story short, I obviously didn't meet him, I was busy but online I pretended that I had turned up. I even got another mobile telephone and we started texting!! We ended up arguing one day and I told him that the person he had arranged to meet had actually been ME!! His face just dropped, he did try to put the blame on me, saying I pressured him for sex, he needed to just have some release and chatting to women online was his release! I didn't believe him and I still don't. We are still together, he promised not to do it again, to delete all his profiles and telephone numbers but he hasn't!! He ALWAYS hides his mobile or puts it on silent and I have recently found his profile on atleast 2 dating sites and I'm currently striking up a conversation with him.....again! This time though, if we arrange to meet, I WILL BE THERE....to show him up for what he is, a liar and a cheat and I will end the relationship there and then although it will break my heart because I love him but I know that I am worth more and I believe that I will only find what I am looking for with another woman.
I believe if your partner is chatting etc online and using a webcam, they are cheating and it will not stop. You deserve better that that but the decision must be yours. I am just waiting for the right time then I will end this relationship and be true to myself.
Good luck in whatever choice you make.

Shelley xx

slferguson88 · May 15th, 2012, 06:47 AM

Shelley,
Thanks for you best wishes! It sounds like your situation is very similar to mine. After I posted this, my best friend and I went out of town for a night or two just to hang out away from home. While we were out having some fun, I was told about two women that my husband had slept with right before we got married. This on top of the computer stuff was just too much for me to handle. I left him and am currently in the process of moving out. He is really upset and is begging for forgiveness but I am not sure I can do it this time. It's not fair to you to be with a person who is willing to talk and flirt with someone else. Especially if they want to meet up with that person. It is sad that men are willing to do this but it does happen. I am ready to enjoy being single for a while and maybe along the way I can find a man who will love me and no one else!

Synful_Poet · May 15th, 2012, 09:26 PM

Good for you slferguson88, for taking control of your life!!

Enjoy the single life!!! Hope it all works out for you.

Welcome to WOW Shelley!

Wolf_angel · May 20th, 2012, 06:25 AM

All I can say is that if they cheated before they will again. Sad to say, they love putting the blame where its not the root of their problem. They are the root of their problem. Personally slferguson you were not snooping you were putting away laundry. Yet if a person loves you then they wont cheat. Yet its their problem. Get rid of that garbage and move onward forward for yourself. We all dont deserve second best! Hope this helps as it was meant too. Hugs to all.

Shelley66 · May 21st, 2012, 05:22 AM

Good to hear you have moved on slferguson88, I am sure you will eventually find someone just right for you. I know I have to move on too but I keep hoping he will change....even though I know he won't. I know the time is coming for me to tell him what I know and that we are over. I will be so sad but I know in the end I will be more settled and content, not wondering where he is and who he is with. I will keep yous all informed when as they say the proverbial hits the fan!! lol x

slferguson88 · May 22nd, 2012, 10:22 AM

Thanks everyone for your supportive comments! I truly believe that if I can do this, anyone else can too! I hate the thought of living on my own and being alone. I have a great support system though and I know that they will help me through this even if it is difficult. Shelley, I believe that there is someone out there for everyone and that person will not cheat or lie to you! I think you can do this even if you are scared. You shouldn't have to be with someone who is going to do this to you! I believe that men will cheat again and again because it seems they are never satisfied. I hope everything works out for you but know that you have friends and the support you need to make the right decision for your life. Just don't let the gossip and drama influence your decision. It is stressful but worth it!

Bliss ladee · July 18th, 2012, 04:34 AM

I use to date a guy like this. One thing I know about a man is don't ask him or tell him you caught him doing this nasty habit of his too many time bc you come off as the annoying or crazy wife ( he'll leave you). You getting into his account(s), I say delete it w/out telling him. Bc he didn't want to communicate the problem with you when you had asked. Once you delete his account go about acting like everything is normal, he will know u are playing him stupid. He will be embarrass to ask you and if he does just say nicely, " hunnie are you complaining." he will think twice who he married. And I say don't waste to much time showing him you need him, go out or find a good and healthy habit that will make him miss you. Etc,....

Maureen · August 22nd, 2012, 04:19 AM

He chats with girls still do not mean he is cheating,but there is a tendency he would. Love him more,let him see that it hurts you by chatting with those girls.

Wolf_angel · August 22nd, 2012, 01:02 PM

Personal reference here ok? My husband was allowed to chat and do porno stuff ok? But he crossed the line. Now after all this nonsense, he attacks me last night. Cops were called and now I am going to get a PFA Protection From Abuse. So remember what the worse case scenarios is. Have a great day!

rjsfeminist · August 23rd, 2012, 09:56 AM

Whoa, Wolfie! How are you this morning? (Asking "how are you" or "are you okay" seems a little strange, at the moment, especially with all you've endured over the years.) Are there any DV (domestic violence) shelters where you are? Anyone you can stay with?Will be praying for your safety...

May 2nd, 2012, 03:55 AM	#1
slferguson88 sadly disappointed Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 4	Is my husband cheating? Hi everyone! I wanted to get some input on the problem I came across today. I was putting away laundry and found a web cam in my husband's dresser drawers. I know he already has one built in on his computer so I assume this was being used on his old computer that didn't have one. I got on his computer to see what I could see about why he needs a web cam for his computer. I found nude pictures of him and some emails from girls who he has been chatting with online. We have had this problem in our relationship in the past and we got passed it and got married. He said that he would never do it again and there has been no signs that he had done it again until now. We fought so badly because he was upset because I was on his computer being "nosey" and I shouldn't have done that. I am really torn about if I should bring it up to him because of this reason. He will know that I was on his computer again looking at his emails. Is this considered a form of cheating and if so, what should I do about it? We have such a good relationship and I really don't want it to be ended over something like this. I would love some advice from you guys! Thanks a bunch!

May 2nd, 2012, 11:46 PM	#2
Synful_Poet Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: IA Posts: 540	Okay, I'm gonna try to give this a go, even though I haven't really had personal experience with this kind of situation. Mind you, I have known several women who have gone through the whole spousal cheating thing. First, in my opinion...yeah, thats definitely cheating. If he has to hide it, it's wrong! Second, people who are/feel guilty about something usually like to throw the blame first. In other words, when you confronted your husband last time, he basically tried to "share" some of the guilt he was feeling by placing blame at your feet. Third, you have every right to know what's going on. And if he hadn't given you a reason to be suspicious, you would have gone looking for answers. I hope this helps. I know there are others here at WOW who might be able to give better advice on this subject. And I'm really sorry your husband's putting you through this again. __________________ "Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior" - Socrates

May 6th, 2012, 06:06 PM	#5
Synful_Poet Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: IA Posts: 540	Ohhhh, Jane, how...devious of you. LMAO I love it!! Good for you! __________________ "Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior" - Socrates

May 15th, 2012, 09:26 PM	#8
Synful_Poet Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: IA Posts: 540	Good for you slferguson88, for taking control of your life!! Enjoy the single life!!! Hope it all works out for you. Welcome to WOW Shelley! __________________ "Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior" - Socrates

May 20th, 2012, 06:25 AM	#9
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	All I can say is that if they cheated before they will again. Sad to say, they love putting the blame where its not the root of their problem. They are the root of their problem. Personally slferguson you were not snooping you were putting away laundry. Yet if a person loves you then they wont cheat. Yet its their problem. Get rid of that garbage and move onward forward for yourself. We all dont deserve second best! Hope this helps as it was meant too. Hugs to all. __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

May 3rd, 2012, 08:58 AM	#3
slferguson88 sadly disappointed Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 4	Thanks for your response! I appreciate your advice.

May 6th, 2012, 10:42 AM	#4
justjanenh Member Join Date: May 2012 Location: NH Posts: 17	Being that I am in the same boat. Mine is the same way... He gets mad at me for me being nosey... I don't see that you are doing anything wrong. I don't trust my husband and I am sorry you are going through this so early in your marriage. I would just put it in the back of my mind, until something else happens. I would also email to that acct... so he knows you know the addy. (I did this) Sorry again. Jane<<<< who is re-evaluating all her life choices except her kids right now.

May 14th, 2012, 10:12 AM	#6
Shelley66 Member Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 4	Hi, my partner has been and still is on dating sites. This breaks my heart as we've been together almost 3 yrs now and the first time I found out, was just awful. I decided to join the site under a false identity, find him and start chatting. He said he was single etc and wanted to meet up. We arranged a meeting, he set the time and date when he knew I was busy!! Anyway, to cut a long story short, I obviously didn't meet him, I was busy but online I pretended that I had turned up. I even got another mobile telephone and we started texting!! We ended up arguing one day and I told him that the person he had arranged to meet had actually been ME!! His face just dropped, he did try to put the blame on me, saying I pressured him for sex, he needed to just have some release and chatting to women online was his release! I didn't believe him and I still don't. We are still together, he promised not to do it again, to delete all his profiles and telephone numbers but he hasn't!! He ALWAYS hides his mobile or puts it on silent and I have recently found his profile on atleast 2 dating sites and I'm currently striking up a conversation with him.....again! This time though, if we arrange to meet, I WILL BE THERE....to show him up for what he is, a liar and a cheat and I will end the relationship there and then although it will break my heart because I love him but I know that I am worth more and I believe that I will only find what I am looking for with another woman. I believe if your partner is chatting etc online and using a webcam, they are cheating and it will not stop. You deserve better that that but the decision must be yours. I am just waiting for the right time then I will end this relationship and be true to myself. Good luck in whatever choice you make. Shelley xx

May 15th, 2012, 06:47 AM	#7
slferguson88 sadly disappointed Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 4	Shelley, Thanks for you best wishes! It sounds like your situation is very similar to mine. After I posted this, my best friend and I went out of town for a night or two just to hang out away from home. While we were out having some fun, I was told about two women that my husband had slept with right before we got married. This on top of the computer stuff was just too much for me to handle. I left him and am currently in the process of moving out. He is really upset and is begging for forgiveness but I am not sure I can do it this time. It's not fair to you to be with a person who is willing to talk and flirt with someone else. Especially if they want to meet up with that person. It is sad that men are willing to do this but it does happen. I am ready to enjoy being single for a while and maybe along the way I can find a man who will love me and no one else!

May 21st, 2012, 05:22 AM	#10
Shelley66 Member Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 4	Good to hear you have moved on slferguson88, I am sure you will eventually find someone just right for you. I know I have to move on too but I keep hoping he will change....even though I know he won't. I know the time is coming for me to tell him what I know and that we are over. I will be so sad but I know in the end I will be more settled and content, not wondering where he is and who he is with. I will keep yous all informed when as they say the proverbial hits the fan!! lol x

May 22nd, 2012, 10:22 AM	#11
slferguson88 sadly disappointed Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 4	Thanks everyone for your supportive comments! I truly believe that if I can do this, anyone else can too! I hate the thought of living on my own and being alone. I have a great support system though and I know that they will help me through this even if it is difficult. Shelley, I believe that there is someone out there for everyone and that person will not cheat or lie to you! I think you can do this even if you are scared. You shouldn't have to be with someone who is going to do this to you! I believe that men will cheat again and again because it seems they are never satisfied. I hope everything works out for you but know that you have friends and the support you need to make the right decision for your life. Just don't let the gossip and drama influence your decision. It is stressful but worth it!

July 18th, 2012, 04:34 AM	#12
Bliss ladee Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: South California Posts: 8	I use to date a guy like this. One thing I know about a man is don't ask him or tell him you caught him doing this nasty habit of his too many time bc you come off as the annoying or crazy wife ( he'll leave you). You getting into his account(s), I say delete it w/out telling him. Bc he didn't want to communicate the problem with you when you had asked. Once you delete his account go about acting like everything is normal, he will know u are playing him stupid. He will be embarrass to ask you and if he does just say nicely, " hunnie are you complaining." he will think twice who he married. And I say don't waste to much time showing him you need him, go out or find a good and healthy habit that will make him miss you. Etc,....

August 22nd, 2012, 04:19 AM	#13
Maureen Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 16	He chats with girls still do not mean he is cheating,but there is a tendency he would. Love him more,let him see that it hurts you by chatting with those girls.

August 22nd, 2012, 01:02 PM	#14
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	Personal reference here ok? My husband was allowed to chat and do porno stuff ok? But he crossed the line. Now after all this nonsense, he attacks me last night. Cops were called and now I am going to get a PFA Protection From Abuse. So remember what the worse case scenarios is. Have a great day! __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

August 23rd, 2012, 09:56 AM	#15
rjsfeminist Member Join Date: May 2001 Location: west central Florida Posts: 1,564	Whoa, Wolfie! How are you this morning? (Asking "how are you" or "are you okay" seems a little strange, at the moment, especially with all you've endured over the years.) Are there any DV (domestic violence) shelters where you are? Anyone you can stay with?Will be praying for your safety...