Is sex.....?

unknown-ml · February 18th, 2010, 01:10 PM

Is sex really worth all that pain? If so, please explain

Wolf_angel · February 18th, 2010, 07:40 PM

Well not sure how old you are so not sure to answer this.

unknown-ml · February 19th, 2010, 11:38 AM

hi wolf angel, im 45, never married

IRISH_EYES_99 · February 19th, 2010, 01:53 PM

Pain is not a normal process of sex. Go to the dr. OBGYN & discuss it.

Wolf_angel · February 19th, 2010, 11:39 PM

I agree with IRISH_EYES do as she says. Hope this helps as it was meant too.

unknown-ml · April 9th, 2010, 09:44 PM

just wanted to thank you wolf angel and irish eyes for replying. to all those that did not reply i want to thank you to for i believe that you have agreed with me. thank you all very much.

Saucy Sabrina · April 10th, 2010, 12:16 AM

well i am new here so this first time i see this. all i know is that my mamma didnt tell me much. thanks to other friends i learned it before i did it. funny thing though, that it didnt hurt like they said it would. yet i also ride horses since i was little. yet knowing what i do now, i would do it all over again!

Tammy · April 11th, 2010, 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unknown-ml

to all those that did not reply i want to thank you to for i believe that you have agreed with me. thank you all very much.

It wouldn't be too quick to assume that silence equals agreement. For those who read but didn't respond, it may be that a significant amount of pain simply isn't part of their memory of the first time they had sex as a part of a loving relationship.

For others, pain may be associated with sex that occurred as a result of a rape or while in an abusive relationship, which isn't what you were asking about and is something a lot of women are reluctant to discuss with someone who is new to the board.

And, you certainly can't overlook the subset of people who find pain erotic and enjoy pain during sex to the point of going out of their way to create the combination. But again, that's not something people normally jump in and start discussing with a perfect stranger.

From reading your posts, I think it's important to consider whether or not the thing you're so afraid of really exists, or if it's a monster created in your mind. I wonder about your references to "all that pain" associated with sex. As Irish pointed out, sex in general should not be painful and if it is, you should speak with your GYN about that because there are certain medical problems that can result in painful intercourse.

Losing your virginity doesn't normally cause excruciating pain and the discomfort it can cause is transient and brief - although it's important to realize that doesn't have to be a painful at all. Exploring your own body and educating yourself about the specific physical issues involved (and things you can do to address them) can go along way toward making sure you're physically, mentally, and emotionally comfortable if/when you decide it's time to have a physical relationship. Beyond that, communicating clearly with your partner is key and will take care of just about everything else.

You're not a bystander when it comes to sex. You're an equal participant and you get to control how and when things happen to your body. If you take an active role in your own sexual well-being, then you're more likely to have fulfilling and enjoyable experiences. And, you don't have to violate any religious convictions to do so.

Lingerie Goddess · April 20th, 2010, 10:41 AM

Wow- Tammy- great response!

unknown-ml · April 21st, 2010, 08:16 PM

well tammy, if i am not married when sex occurs then i will violate my religious convictions.

April 22nd, 2010, 02:02 PM

nice groub

unknown-ml · April 24th, 2010, 09:27 AM

what would it be like to have sex with a man that did not love me? i have been holding out for the man that loved me, but that will never happen. thanks for your time.

mouellett · April 30th, 2010, 10:44 PM

Sounds to me like you still haven't found an answer... Also, after reading some of your other posts, it sounds like there's more involved in your not having sex than your religious views. You sound insecure and scared. I'm sorry. Sex is not horrible. The pain the first time is minimal - in fact, I don't even remember the pain. I never believed that there would be 'the one', that any man would ever love me, or that I would be in a loving lasting relationship. I'm not sure why, I just didn't. I've had several long term relationships and am currently with the man I intend to spend the rest of my life with. Sex has taken many forms over the years, but becomes more and more amazing every year with my dearest because of how much we are able to share about ourselves.

I have to agree with Tammy when she said that you seem to have created a monster in your own mind about sex. You should talk to a counselor (of any form), because it seems that you've created such a fear about having sex that you will probably push any man that trys to get close to you away out of fear. You need to deal with your fears before you can open yourself up to love and be loved. I pray that you will find peace with your fears... sex is wonderful, especially when you're in love with the man you're having sex with.

My prayers are with you.

unknown-ml · May 2nd, 2010, 10:08 AM

thank you mauellett for your imput. you are right i still have not found an answer. the only way that i can find out the truth about sex is to become a slut and have sex with several men, and leave love out of it. a counselor would not help. they would just label me as being crazy, so they are out of the question. becoming a slut is my only option because i will never find a man to love me. men don't even want to date me so why would they want to love and marry me. thank you for your time.

moniker · February 14th, 2011, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unknown-ml

thank you mauellett for your imput. you are right i still have not found an answer. the only way that i can find out the truth about sex is to become a slut and have sex with several men, and leave love out of it. a counselor would not help. they would just label me as being crazy, so they are out of the question. becoming a slut is my only option because i will never find a man to love me. men don't even want to date me so why would they want to love and marry me. thank you for your time.

Unknown, it seems like you have a very, very, very negative view of sex. Do your religious views tell you that sex is bad? Do your religious views tell you that sex should hurt?

Your problem is insecurity...not your lack of sex. Do you see how horribly you talk about yourself and about other women? You sit here and assume that no one will ever love you...how can anyone love you if you don't even love yourself? Would YOU want to be around someone who mopes around and talks about extremes (no sex or becoming a slut)? Or would you rather be around someone who is more realistic and rational?

When you start insulting yourself, that should set off a red flag in your head: there's something wrong. You refuse to even see a counselor because you assume they'll label you as crazy, just like you assumed that those who didn't reply instantly agreed with you, just like you assume no one will ever love you. Are you some kind of psychic? Can you read other people's minds and tell the future? I didn't think so. Instead of putting words in people's mouths, why not be more open to suggestions? You seem to talk as if you have everything figured out, as if you know everything and everyone...and that's not the case.

February 18th, 2010, 01:10 PM	#1
unknown-ml Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 71	Is sex.....? Is sex really worth all that pain? If so, please explain

February 18th, 2010, 07:40 PM	#2
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	Well not sure how old you are so not sure to answer this. __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

February 19th, 2010, 01:53 PM	#4
IRISH_EYES_99 Member Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: in the state of confusion :) Posts: 3,524	Pain is not a normal process of sex. Go to the dr. OBGYN & discuss it. __________________ Smiles are contagious. It's ok to pass them on. *

February 19th, 2010, 11:39 PM	#5
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	I agree with IRISH_EYES do as she says. Hope this helps as it was meant too. __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

April 10th, 2010, 12:16 AM	#7
Saucy Sabrina Universal Free Spirit Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: California Posts: 5	well i am new here so this first time i see this. all i know is that my mamma didnt tell me much. thanks to other friends i learned it before i did it. funny thing though, that it didnt hurt like they said it would. yet i also ride horses since i was little. yet knowing what i do now, i would do it all over again! __________________ Sing DanceLive

February 19th, 2010, 11:38 AM	#3
unknown-ml Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 71	hi wolf angel, im 45, never married

April 9th, 2010, 09:44 PM	#6
unknown-ml Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 71	just wanted to thank you wolf angel and irish eyes for replying. to all those that did not reply i want to thank you to for i believe that you have agreed with me. thank you all very much.

April 20th, 2010, 10:41 AM	#9
Lingerie Goddess Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: NYC & South Beach Miami Posts: 16	Wow- Tammy- great response!

April 21st, 2010, 08:16 PM	#10
unknown-ml Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 71	well tammy, if i am not married when sex occurs then i will violate my religious convictions.

April 22nd, 2010, 02:02 PM	#11
fair Guest Posts: n/a	nice groub

April 24th, 2010, 09:27 AM	#12
unknown-ml Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 71	what would it be like to have sex with a man that did not love me? i have been holding out for the man that loved me, but that will never happen. thanks for your time.

April 30th, 2010, 10:44 PM	#13
mouellett Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 8	Sounds to me like you still haven't found an answer... Also, after reading some of your other posts, it sounds like there's more involved in your not having sex than your religious views. You sound insecure and scared. I'm sorry. Sex is not horrible. The pain the first time is minimal - in fact, I don't even remember the pain. I never believed that there would be 'the one', that any man would ever love me, or that I would be in a loving lasting relationship. I'm not sure why, I just didn't. I've had several long term relationships and am currently with the man I intend to spend the rest of my life with. Sex has taken many forms over the years, but becomes more and more amazing every year with my dearest because of how much we are able to share about ourselves. I have to agree with Tammy when she said that you seem to have created a monster in your own mind about sex. You should talk to a counselor (of any form), because it seems that you've created such a fear about having sex that you will probably push any man that trys to get close to you away out of fear. You need to deal with your fears before you can open yourself up to love and be loved. I pray that you will find peace with your fears... sex is wonderful, especially when you're in love with the man you're having sex with. My prayers are with you.

May 2nd, 2010, 10:08 AM	#14
unknown-ml Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 71	thank you mauellett for your imput. you are right i still have not found an answer. the only way that i can find out the truth about sex is to become a slut and have sex with several men, and leave love out of it. a counselor would not help. they would just label me as being crazy, so they are out of the question. becoming a slut is my only option because i will never find a man to love me. men don't even want to date me so why would they want to love and marry me. thank you for your time.