Touchy subject :(

DACDjr · June 17th, 2011, 10:38 PM

So, as most of you know Caleb my son who will be 18 soon and David my husband are just step dad and son for the past 17 years..

Well an issue came up yesterday that I don't know how to handle.. So where else does one go...? To WOW of course...

Caleb's biological father had a daughter 2 years after I had Caleb..
Well I never knew of her until yesterday thanks to facebook... (mumble)
She wants to get to know Caleb, says she has heard about him from her mom over the years and has always wondered about him, what he was like ect...

My problem is, do I re-enter that part of Caleb's life when he is doing so well without it. And risk causing problems with him? Or do I talk to him about her and tell him his "donor" did the same thing to her? And that she wants to meet him and talk with him..

I don't know what to do.. It is a very touchy thing..
Any advice is welcome.. PLEASE gimmie advice LOL as I am dumbfounded here...

Love and Hugs
Daccie

StacyH. · June 17th, 2011, 10:50 PM

I think if he is almost 18 let him decide. Maybe they both can benefit from getting to know each other. Hope this helps !!

StacyH. · June 17th, 2011, 10:50 PM

Of course then there is the feelings of the stepdad too. Something to think about

DACDjr · June 18th, 2011, 01:54 AM

I know right? All around it is confusing.. It makes me want to cry.. Either way someones feelings are going to be hurt, no way around it..

I did find out that Caleb's "donor" is in prison until 2020 and has been there for like 14 years. Great roll model huh? :s

Thanks Stacy, hugs

StacyH. · June 18th, 2011, 07:24 AM

wow he must of done something real bad !!!!

IRISH_EYES_99 · June 18th, 2011, 09:12 AM

((((((((( DACD))))))))))), #1 question is that Caleb know that David is his "step" dad? I know he's been a hell of a lot more of a "real" dad than the sperm donor is.
It may be good for the siblings to meet. That doesn't take anything away from David or you.
In fact DACD it may make him appreciate even more all his step dad & you have done though the years for him. Love you kiddo. Hope it all works out. Let us know.

DACDjr · June 18th, 2011, 11:41 AM

Yes, Caleb has known that David is his step dad since he was 10... We felt that was a good age to tell
him...

I think I am just worried Caleb and Destiny will end up hurt...

(sigh)

IRISH_EYES_99 · June 18th, 2011, 11:53 AM

A friend of mine told me more than once .. " Never trouble trouble, tell trouble troubles you". Let him know, let him make that decision. Don't take this choice away. Who knows they could end up being not just 1/2 siblings but best of friends.

Don't fret over it. Whatever will be will be.. Let Caleb decide. Love you my friend. All you can do is be there for him, whether the pieces mesh together or fall apart. Let him decide.

DACDjr · June 18th, 2011, 03:07 PM

I agree. That is the only way to do it.. It's time to stop being the over protective mommy and let him make his choices.. (sigh) life sucks at times.. Thanks everyone

IRISH_EYES_99 · June 18th, 2011, 10:43 PM

Love you ((((((((( DACD)))))))))) it will all work out my friend.

Wolf_angel · June 20th, 2011, 07:16 AM

Again I agree with Irish! Hugs

StacyH. · June 23rd, 2011, 01:58 AM

I agree with everyone !! Wish you luck and will have you in my prayers

DACDjr · June 24th, 2011, 07:26 PM

thanks everyone

rjsfeminist · July 1st, 2011, 01:47 PM

Wow, Daccie, talk about a confusing mess! And yeah, I hear that grumble about FB...I think most of us have been there.

You've gotten some sound advice here. If you do decide to let Caleb and his half-sister talk or write, maybe a cheapo pre-paid cellphone, and don't keep a whole lot of airtime on it and have him use that until it can be ascertained that it's safe to keep the contact going...Also, a P.O. box might not be a bad idea...except, of course, that that might be used to trace back to where you guys live. I know it almost sounds borderline paranoid (or not), but it all comes back to everyone's comfort level here. Also, you might not know how much contact anyone has with dear ol' dad...and if he's that sketchy, you have to keep that in mind, when dealing w/the comfort or safety level.

I'm sorry if this sounds like a downer, but really, you do have to keep eveyone's safety and feelings in mind. It could be that the girl is really just wanting to meet her big brother...

DACDjr · July 1st, 2011, 09:44 PM

Yea, I have been talking to her more, even on the phone.. She is a good kid. She just wants to meet him and get to know him more.. I have them to where they are talking online and told them give it a few months and we will discuss them meeting in person. I know that Caleb will be 18 soon and it will be up to him what he will do then. But in the mean time they understand that both myself and her mother are just looking out for them..

I did find out and confirmed their dad is in prison until 2020... NO chance for parole. So he is outta the pic for awhile.

Life will guide you, Faith will steer you. Karma will kick you in the butt~!

Love and hugs
Daccie

June 18th, 2011, 01:54 AM	#4
DACDjr Senior Memeber Join Date: May 2001 Location: Indiana Posts: 864	I know right? All around it is confusing.. It makes me want to cry.. Either way someones feelings are going to be hurt, no way around it.. I did find out that Caleb's "donor" is in prison until 2020 and has been there for like 14 years. Great roll model huh? :s Thanks Stacy, hugs __________________ KAP-AJS

June 18th, 2011, 09:12 AM	#6
IRISH_EYES_99 Member Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: in the state of confusion :) Posts: 3,524	((((((((( DACD))))))))))), #1 question is that Caleb know that David is his "step" dad? I know he's been a hell of a lot more of a "real" dad than the sperm donor is. It may be good for the siblings to meet. That doesn't take anything away from David or you. In fact DACD it may make him appreciate even more all his step dad & you have done though the years for him. Love you kiddo. Hope it all works out. Let us know. __________________ Smiles are contagious. It's ok to pass them on. *

June 18th, 2011, 11:41 AM	#7
DACDjr Senior Memeber Join Date: May 2001 Location: Indiana Posts: 864	Yes, Caleb has known that David is his step dad since he was 10... We felt that was a good age to tell him... I think I am just worried Caleb and Destiny will end up hurt... (sigh) __________________ KAP-AJS

June 18th, 2011, 11:53 AM	#8
IRISH_EYES_99 Member Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: in the state of confusion :) Posts: 3,524	A friend of mine told me more than once .. " Never trouble trouble, tell trouble troubles you". Let him know, let him make that decision. Don't take this choice away. Who knows they could end up being not just 1/2 siblings but best of friends. Don't fret over it. Whatever will be will be.. Let Caleb decide. Love you my friend. All you can do is be there for him, whether the pieces mesh together or fall apart. Let him decide. __________________ Smiles are contagious. It's ok to pass them on. *

June 18th, 2011, 03:07 PM	#9
DACDjr Senior Memeber Join Date: May 2001 Location: Indiana Posts: 864	I agree. That is the only way to do it.. It's time to stop being the over protective mommy and let him make his choices.. (sigh) life sucks at times.. Thanks everyone __________________ KAP-AJS

June 17th, 2011, 10:38 PM	#1
DACDjr Senior Memeber Join Date: May 2001 Location: Indiana Posts: 864	Touchy subject :( So, as most of you know Caleb my son who will be 18 soon and David my husband are just step dad and son for the past 17 years.. Well an issue came up yesterday that I don't know how to handle.. So where else does one go...? To WOW of course... Caleb's biological father had a daughter 2 years after I had Caleb.. Well I never knew of her until yesterday thanks to facebook... (mumble) She wants to get to know Caleb, says she has heard about him from her mom over the years and has always wondered about him, what he was like ect... My problem is, do I re-enter that part of Caleb's life when he is doing so well without it. And risk causing problems with him? Or do I talk to him about her and tell him his "donor" did the same thing to her? And that she wants to meet him and talk with him.. I don't know what to do.. It is a very touchy thing.. Any advice is welcome.. PLEASE gimmie advice LOL as I am dumbfounded here... Love and Hugs Daccie __________________ KAP-AJS

June 17th, 2011, 10:50 PM	#2
StacyH. Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: With my kids Posts: 83	I think if he is almost 18 let him decide. Maybe they both can benefit from getting to know each other. Hope this helps !!

June 18th, 2011, 07:24 AM	#5
StacyH. Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: With my kids Posts: 83	wow he must of done something real bad !!!!

June 18th, 2011, 10:43 PM	#10
IRISH_EYES_99 Member Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: in the state of confusion :) Posts: 3,524	Love you ((((((((( DACD)))))))))) it will all work out my friend. __________________ Smiles are contagious. It's ok to pass them on. *

June 20th, 2011, 07:16 AM	#11
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	Again I agree with Irish! Hugs __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

June 23rd, 2011, 01:58 AM	#12
StacyH. Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: With my kids Posts: 83	I agree with everyone !! Wish you luck and will have you in my prayers

June 24th, 2011, 07:26 PM	#13
DACDjr Senior Memeber Join Date: May 2001 Location: Indiana Posts: 864	thanks everyone __________________ KAP-AJS

July 1st, 2011, 01:47 PM	#14
rjsfeminist Member Join Date: May 2001 Location: west central Florida Posts: 1,564	Wow, Daccie, talk about a confusing mess! And yeah, I hear that grumble about FB...I think most of us have been there. You've gotten some sound advice here. If you do decide to let Caleb and his half-sister talk or write, maybe a cheapo pre-paid cellphone, and don't keep a whole lot of airtime on it and have him use that until it can be ascertained that it's safe to keep the contact going...Also, a P.O. box might not be a bad idea...except, of course, that that might be used to trace back to where you guys live. I know it almost sounds borderline paranoid (or not), but it all comes back to everyone's comfort level here. Also, you might not know how much contact anyone has with dear ol' dad...and if he's that sketchy, you have to keep that in mind, when dealing w/the comfort or safety level. I'm sorry if this sounds like a downer, but really, you do have to keep eveyone's safety and feelings in mind. It could be that the girl is really just wanting to meet her big brother...

July 1st, 2011, 09:44 PM	#15
DACDjr Senior Memeber Join Date: May 2001 Location: Indiana Posts: 864	Yea, I have been talking to her more, even on the phone.. She is a good kid. She just wants to meet him and get to know him more.. I have them to where they are talking online and told them give it a few months and we will discuss them meeting in person. I know that Caleb will be 18 soon and it will be up to him what he will do then. But in the mean time they understand that both myself and her mother are just looking out for them.. I did find out and confirmed their dad is in prison until 2020... NO chance for parole. So he is outta the pic for awhile. Life will guide you, Faith will steer you. Karma will kick you in the butt~! Love and hugs Daccie __________________ KAP-AJS