I get a lot of deppression!!!Help...

caye072909 · December 22nd, 2011, 10:09 AM

Hello everone,
Im new in here,
I need you people to hear me out,
Im married for two years now, and I have a 11 year old girl and 9 year old boy(step children) I have a 3 year old son(before i got married) and I have a 1 year old baby with my Husband,
It is very hard for me because im having depressions.
My 11 year old stepdaughter, is very hard headed she is turning my marriage horrible, she does not listen to me, everything what i say to her is like the worst words sheve ever heared, I told her father about her, but then I feel like he is taking her side, by the way she is not a daughter of him, that we just knew a month ago, her mother was 1 month pregnant when my husband and her mother were together, he did not recognize it because when he Knew that she was pregnant and he thought it was his and she tooked advantage out of it, The Child did not know that she is not a daughter frommy Husband, Shde is just a too much of 11 year old for me and they are four of them, I have to take care, because the mothers of the two are different, and my Husband is so much of a martyr that tooked both of them, but he is everyday out of the house and i see everything, i see what they are doing, also what they do to me, okay i have my son, my 3 year old, but i am disciplining himto the point that my husband could not say anything about my boy, i feel like im not happy, my husband is good,loving,caring but when it comes to this girl who is not ever her child i really get depressions...I wish icould just ignore her, pretend that she was not here...
I need some help.

Wolf_angel · December 24th, 2011, 07:41 AM

Twould seem that some counselling is needed not just for the child but for the girl your husband. Yet first thing is set some ground rules and the consequences of breaking them. Then stick to it. Make sure your husband is on the same page. If you have to post the rules and consequences. Doesnt matter who the father is of the child. You are in her life and what she knows is what she knows. Meaning if you told her the truth she'd turn probably worse. Yet take it out on you not her Mother. Thus get yourself some help along with the child and the father. Yet set those ground rules up and the consequences. Then follow thru. If need be contact your pastor or priest or someone from Child Services as the last resort. THis way the child will see you are serious. Hope this helps as it was meant too. Hugs

FreeMarkCosmetics · December 26th, 2011, 03:27 PM

why did you get yourself in this situation in the first place it obviously not working out so move on and let it go but if you choose to stay you are going to have to stand your ground its your house and his and if he is not going to be on your side he needs to take the stupid little bitch and hit the road ! youll be fine if anything raising the baby on your own if anything you get him for child support and tell him to go fuck himself you CANT let a stupid little girl get the best of you

FreeMarkCosmetics · December 26th, 2011, 03:30 PM

don't get anyone involved in *your personal problems * you have to be a woman and stand up for yourself its your life and your world everyone else is just in it !

Wolf_angel · December 27th, 2011, 09:55 AM

Well other than the mention of the "F" word your words sound like a good idea. Just remember to be more a Lady/Gentleman when posting. I call it common courtesy. Have a great day!

By the way I usually say Frick or Frack LOL

janni2525 · December 27th, 2011, 06:54 PM

Hello. First of all let me explain something. Who is the parent? You are. Who should put the rules and the rules into place? You do. If she doesn't want to pay any attention to you then you will have to become stricter. You just can't let a child step all over you. If this child is out of control you are going to have to put her in bording school. Send her away until she learns to behave and listen to you. If you want to save your marriage then you are going to have to take some action. Sometimes when children don't behave there are options. Group homes, social services. Put them away. You look like you have had it and before you do loose your mind put her away. Your husband has to take your side. Or else separate from your husband if he doesn't care enough. Sometimes separation is the best thing. I hope this helped. You can't take it all in by yourself. Wake up now. Get in touch with Social services in your county. You have to do something. It's for your own good and well being.

caye072909 · December 28th, 2011, 12:13 PM

Thank you ladies, We made strict policies here in the House specially for her..24hours she follows, after she comes back to her attitude and how many times we I have and his dad punished her, House arrest, taking her things grounded... She is so hard headed, can you imagine that during christmass she made me and his father fight because of her, We were couple the whole time at the Kitchen, she heared that my 1 year old baby is crying all through out, she never picked and played with him, she was the whole time in the computer, and before at meal, i said to my husband, im gonna fucking throw that girl out, i have very long patience but if in this house i dont get respect, than i dont give too...His father escalated that to the point it came out from him that i was the one who is 50percent provoking the situation, i felt so SHIT... that i was about to count that i am taking care of his children with different mothers and were not able to be cared of by there mothers because they were unresponsible enough for thier Kids, and now I got that message from him... I dont know how long will i take it, when i see these Kid, it really breaks my Soul... And this Kid even if you bring this to any pschycologists... She will and she will be back with her attitude, I started hating her... The House seemed so small fo both of us, I dont deserve the stress shes giving...

Sorry but i need you people to hear me.. Have no real friends at all.

Wolf_angel · December 28th, 2011, 12:18 PM

Well real easy let her go to a group home. Sometimes that is best. She apparently wants to run things her way. So let her go. Let her choices make up for whatever she decides and let it be on her own head. Thus tis hard but nothing else is working so far. Tell your husband why that this is the best solution to the problem. She needs some counselling which she can get there. She will learn to budget and get her high school diploma. This way she can face the real world with her own decisions so if they come and bite her in the end its on her own head. I hope this helps. Hugs and just so you know you have friends here.

IRISH_EYES_99 · January 3rd, 2012, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FreeMarkCosmetics

why did you get yourself in this situation in the first place it obviously not working out so move on and let it go but if you choose to stay you are going to have to stand your ground its your house and his and if he is not going to be on your side he needs to take the stupid little bitch and hit the road ! youll be fine if anything raising the baby on your own if anything you get him for child support and tell him to go fuck himself you CANT let a stupid little girl get the best of you

FreeMarkCosmetics-- you sound more bitter and hateful. Check your vocab at the door. Why is everything the child's fault. You need serious help. Hope you get it. God Bless.

cayee,

First & formost she is not a stupid little girl-- She is a little girl who is tossed around & doesn't understand it. Sure she rebells. Wouldn't you? Seriously.
Sounds like she need a lot more love & understanding. Sounds like your resenting her because she's not "your child". How can you teach her love when you have so much resentment.

Give her some time. I'll bet if you take time to sit & talk or take her out for a day.. you'd get a lot better response from her. Stop blaming the child for things that go wrong in a marriage. Marriage is between the two adults. Show the child love & you'll get futher in life with her. That would be a win win situation.

Yelling & blaming gets resentment & rebellion. Try the love & caring route. Stop putting the blame on the child. God Bless each of you. Hope your New Year get some Resolve to it.

Bliss ladee · July 18th, 2012, 05:08 AM

don't focus on her.... Stop telling her and controlling her. Bc you are forcing her in some way as trying to npbe her mom when she aint ready to accept that you just npbeing in the family. Let the father, your husband deal with her. You need to focus on keeping your marriage and deal with your own kids. Soon the spoil girl would want you to be her mother when she sees how you handle your kids with love and support. She gonna seek that just like what every kids need a real mother.

Maureen · August 22nd, 2012, 04:13 AM

The heart of a child is easy,buy her good gifts like clothes,fancy stuffs. Love her despite what she does,she will change soon.

janni2525 · May 24th, 2013, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maureen

The heart of a child is easy,buy her good gifts like clothes,fancy stuffs. Love her despite what she does,she will change soon.

Maureen you're so funny. She will be opening another can of worms and this one is financially. Do you know that when children get what they want they act worse? I have seen this happen.

It's proven over and over. Look at the kids that kill their parents. We hear about things like this on the news all the time.

Jennifer23 · May 26th, 2013, 06:25 PM

I think that there should be a happy medium between spoiling a child with gifts and depriving that child of certain items that he/she would appreciate.

Wolf_angel · May 29th, 2013, 04:32 PM

I agree with Jennifer! Hugs

rjsfeminist · June 6th, 2013, 07:30 AM

I wonder how things worked out for caye and her family. I notice she only posted twice here, and it been a little over a year-and-a-half. Hope it somehow worked out, though I think that, from what I read, the whole family needed counseling. Blended families take some work, especially when the kids are young-ish; throw in a holiday or two, and it can be even weirder...

December 22nd, 2011, 10:09 AM	#1
caye072909 mommaluv216 Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 2	I get a lot of deppression!!!Help... Hello everone, Im new in here, I need you people to hear me out, Im married for two years now, and I have a 11 year old girl and 9 year old boy(step children) I have a 3 year old son(before i got married) and I have a 1 year old baby with my Husband, It is very hard for me because im having depressions. My 11 year old stepdaughter, is very hard headed she is turning my marriage horrible, she does not listen to me, everything what i say to her is like the worst words sheve ever heared, I told her father about her, but then I feel like he is taking her side, by the way she is not a daughter of him, that we just knew a month ago, her mother was 1 month pregnant when my husband and her mother were together, he did not recognize it because when he Knew that she was pregnant and he thought it was his and she tooked advantage out of it, The Child did not know that she is not a daughter frommy Husband, Shde is just a too much of 11 year old for me and they are four of them, I have to take care, because the mothers of the two are different, and my Husband is so much of a martyr that tooked both of them, but he is everyday out of the house and i see everything, i see what they are doing, also what they do to me, okay i have my son, my 3 year old, but i am disciplining himto the point that my husband could not say anything about my boy, i feel like im not happy, my husband is good,loving,caring but when it comes to this girl who is not ever her child i really get depressions...I wish icould just ignore her, pretend that she was not here... I need some help. Last edited by caye072909; December 22nd, 2011 at 10:10 AM. Reason: some words lacking

December 24th, 2011, 07:41 AM	#2
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	Twould seem that some counselling is needed not just for the child but for the girl your husband. Yet first thing is set some ground rules and the consequences of breaking them. Then stick to it. Make sure your husband is on the same page. If you have to post the rules and consequences. Doesnt matter who the father is of the child. You are in her life and what she knows is what she knows. Meaning if you told her the truth she'd turn probably worse. Yet take it out on you not her Mother. Thus get yourself some help along with the child and the father. Yet set those ground rules up and the consequences. Then follow thru. If need be contact your pastor or priest or someone from Child Services as the last resort. THis way the child will see you are serious. Hope this helps as it was meant too. Hugs __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

December 27th, 2011, 09:55 AM	#5
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	Well other than the mention of the "F" word your words sound like a good idea. Just remember to be more a Lady/Gentleman when posting. I call it common courtesy. Have a great day! By the way I usually say Frick or Frack LOL __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

December 28th, 2011, 12:18 PM	#8
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	Well real easy let her go to a group home. Sometimes that is best. She apparently wants to run things her way. So let her go. Let her choices make up for whatever she decides and let it be on her own head. Thus tis hard but nothing else is working so far. Tell your husband why that this is the best solution to the problem. She needs some counselling which she can get there. She will learn to budget and get her high school diploma. This way she can face the real world with her own decisions so if they come and bite her in the end its on her own head. I hope this helps. Hugs and just so you know you have friends here. __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

May 29th, 2013, 04:32 PM	#14
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	I agree with Jennifer! Hugs __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

December 26th, 2011, 03:27 PM	#3
FreeMarkCosmetics FreeMarkCosmetics Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: hialeah,fl Posts: 3	why did you get yourself in this situation in the first place it obviously not working out so move on and let it go but if you choose to stay you are going to have to stand your ground its your house and his and if he is not going to be on your side he needs to take the stupid little bitch and hit the road ! youll be fine if anything raising the baby on your own if anything you get him for child support and tell him to go fuck himself you CANT let a stupid little girl get the best of you

December 26th, 2011, 03:30 PM	#4
FreeMarkCosmetics FreeMarkCosmetics Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: hialeah,fl Posts: 3	don't get anyone involved in your personal problems you have to be a woman and stand up for yourself its your life and your world everyone else is just in it !

December 27th, 2011, 06:54 PM	#6
janni2525 Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 29	Hello. First of all let me explain something. Who is the parent? You are. Who should put the rules and the rules into place? You do. If she doesn't want to pay any attention to you then you will have to become stricter. You just can't let a child step all over you. If this child is out of control you are going to have to put her in bording school. Send her away until she learns to behave and listen to you. If you want to save your marriage then you are going to have to take some action. Sometimes when children don't behave there are options. Group homes, social services. Put them away. You look like you have had it and before you do loose your mind put her away. Your husband has to take your side. Or else separate from your husband if he doesn't care enough. Sometimes separation is the best thing. I hope this helped. You can't take it all in by yourself. Wake up now. Get in touch with Social services in your county. You have to do something. It's for your own good and well being.

December 28th, 2011, 12:13 PM	#7
caye072909 mommaluv216 Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 2	Thank you ladies, We made strict policies here in the House specially for her..24hours she follows, after she comes back to her attitude and how many times we I have and his dad punished her, House arrest, taking her things grounded... She is so hard headed, can you imagine that during christmass she made me and his father fight because of her, We were couple the whole time at the Kitchen, she heared that my 1 year old baby is crying all through out, she never picked and played with him, she was the whole time in the computer, and before at meal, i said to my husband, im gonna fucking throw that girl out, i have very long patience but if in this house i dont get respect, than i dont give too...His father escalated that to the point it came out from him that i was the one who is 50percent provoking the situation, i felt so SHIT... that i was about to count that i am taking care of his children with different mothers and were not able to be cared of by there mothers because they were unresponsible enough for thier Kids, and now I got that message from him... I dont know how long will i take it, when i see these Kid, it really breaks my Soul... And this Kid even if you bring this to any pschycologists... She will and she will be back with her attitude, I started hating her... The House seemed so small fo both of us, I dont deserve the stress shes giving... Sorry but i need you people to hear me.. Have no real friends at all.

July 18th, 2012, 05:08 AM	#10
Bliss ladee Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: South California Posts: 8	don't focus on her.... Stop telling her and controlling her. Bc you are forcing her in some way as trying to npbe her mom when she aint ready to accept that you just npbeing in the family. Let the father, your husband deal with her. You need to focus on keeping your marriage and deal with your own kids. Soon the spoil girl would want you to be her mother when she sees how you handle your kids with love and support. She gonna seek that just like what every kids need a real mother.

August 22nd, 2012, 04:13 AM	#11
Maureen Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 16	The heart of a child is easy,buy her good gifts like clothes,fancy stuffs. Love her despite what she does,she will change soon.

May 26th, 2013, 06:25 PM	#13
Jennifer23 Jennifer23 Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 3,187	I think that there should be a happy medium between spoiling a child with gifts and depriving that child of certain items that he/she would appreciate.

June 6th, 2013, 07:30 AM	#15
rjsfeminist Member Join Date: May 2001 Location: west central Florida Posts: 1,564	I wonder how things worked out for caye and her family. I notice she only posted twice here, and it been a little over a year-and-a-half. Hope it somehow worked out, though I think that, from what I read, the whole family needed counseling. Blended families take some work, especially when the kids are young-ish; throw in a holiday or two, and it can be even weirder...