Nothing going on "downtown"

January 11th, 2009, 01:07 PM

Hi!- New to the group here and trying this for advice from other women. I've been married for going on eight years now and I'm a little frustrated with my husband in intimate areas. Particularly, I am always the one who has to initiate intimacy and it is rarely quite long enough for me to achieve "true happiness". Additonally, he has developed a strong aversion to pleasing me orally- AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! Any suggestions from anyone who may have ever experienced this problem?

- C

m3seow · February 8th, 2009, 11:01 PM

Try talking to him and find out the reason for his aversion. Communication is always important in everything, even sex.

star · December 15th, 2009, 03:52 PM

i have been married for 14 yrs., and out of the last two and a half yrs. my husband has only iniated it very few times.

February 15th, 2010, 06:14 PM

I am having the same issue- my husband sex drive doesn't match mine at all. I could have sex twice a day and he would prefer once a month- I am at my wits end with this- it is all I think about. I wonder what life would be life if we separated, how it would effect our daughter and all that mess that would go along with spliting. I am consumed by this- I wonder if it's me and it is playing heck on my selfesteem. I'm over sensitive about everything and I fight with over stupid things because I really want to just lash out at him for causing this painful situation. he doesn't deserve me or appreciate my womanhood. this is really more a rant and less of a question I guess but I have no one to talk to- everyone that knows him thinks he is soo wonderful and they all tell me how lucky I am. the bad part is when we do have sex it is AMAZING!!! that is another problem when it's good I want more of it. drives me crazy

Wolf_angel · February 15th, 2010, 07:19 PM

Well I have been there before. Yet now I have chosen not to have intercourse or sex with my husband due to his infidelity. I have been checked out and I am clean. For the others on here, your best bet is to sit him down and simply tell him straight. Dont bring hysterics or yelling or anything of that sort. For its a simple way to get him to NOT listen whatsoever. Hope this helps.
Have a great day!

PoohsBigSister · February 15th, 2010, 10:21 PM

good advice wolfie!!

i have found that with my guy.... we have open and frank discussions about likes, dislikes, and any problems or things we want to try. communication is imperative to having a good realationship...not just sex.

Lingerie Goddess · April 20th, 2010, 10:39 AM

I agree with the other women about communicating and seeing if you can create time to be intimate with each other. One of my friends, who has been married over 15 years, has what she calls, "surrender days" with her husband. One day she will "surrender" and let him come up with a sensual night for them which focuses on him giving her pleasure. Then the next week, she will reciprocate to him. That way it keeps it exciting and has both partners initiating sex.

December 13th, 2011, 07:58 PM

I have been married 11 years, no sex with hubby since June, he has medical issues and lots of stress, before we stopped h was having trouble even using Viagra. I noticed in his pill drawer he has been using Viagra again. We are happy together but I am not sure where or why he is using again since we have had no sex. He did mention that the doctor told him some things about his sex issue but we never got around to discussing it. Please tell me what I should do, risk a blowup and argument about me knowing he is using the drug with out me or just ignore it. I have checked his cell, computer and no signs of any other women, my only thought is he may be pleasing himself, should I ask him?

confusedforever · December 21st, 2011, 03:06 AM

Sometimes sex takes a back stage after many years in marriage. There might be something else in his mind that is keeping him diverted. After being together for so many years, having an open channel to communication always helps. Ask him the issues he might be having.

Also, try to spice up your sex life a little. Bring innovation, you never know what might work.

confusedforever · December 21st, 2011, 03:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Begley

I have been married 11 years, no sex with hubby since June, he has medical issues and lots of stress, before we stopped h was having trouble even using Viagra. I noticed in his pill drawer he has been using Viagra again. We are happy together but I am not sure where or why he is using again since we have had no sex. He did mention that the doctor told him some things about his sex issue but we never got around to discussing it. Please tell me what I should do, risk a blowup and argument about me knowing he is using the drug with out me or just ignore it. I have checked his cell, computer and no signs of any other women, my only thought is he may be pleasing himself, should I ask him?

Yes you should definitely talk to your husband. After 11 years, all shyness usually goes away. Be fair and square and ask directly.

January 11th, 2009, 01:07 PM	#1
Cassandra1478 Guest Posts: n/a	Nothing going on "downtown" Hi!- New to the group here and trying this for advice from other women. I've been married for going on eight years now and I'm a little frustrated with my husband in intimate areas. Particularly, I am always the one who has to initiate intimacy and it is rarely quite long enough for me to achieve "true happiness". Additonally, he has developed a strong aversion to pleasing me orally- AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! Any suggestions from anyone who may have ever experienced this problem? - C

December 15th, 2009, 03:52 PM	#3
star Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Alabama Posts: 14	me to out of two and a half years. i have been married for 14 yrs., and out of the last two and a half yrs. my husband has only iniated it very few times.

February 15th, 2010, 07:19 PM	#5
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	Well I have been there before. Yet now I have chosen not to have intercourse or sex with my husband due to his infidelity. I have been checked out and I am clean. For the others on here, your best bet is to sit him down and simply tell him straight. Dont bring hysterics or yelling or anything of that sort. For its a simple way to get him to NOT listen whatsoever. Hope this helps. Have a great day! __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

February 15th, 2010, 10:21 PM	#6
PoohsBigSister Long Live WOW!! Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: CO Posts: 1,791	good advice wolfie!! i have found that with my guy.... we have open and frank discussions about likes, dislikes, and any problems or things we want to try. communication is imperative to having a good realationship...not just sex. __________________ "Life is a flower of which love is the honey." Victor Hugo

December 13th, 2011, 07:58 PM	#8
Begley Guest Posts: n/a	Help I have been married 11 years, no sex with hubby since June, he has medical issues and lots of stress, before we stopped h was having trouble even using Viagra. I noticed in his pill drawer he has been using Viagra again. We are happy together but I am not sure where or why he is using again since we have had no sex. He did mention that the doctor told him some things about his sex issue but we never got around to discussing it. Please tell me what I should do, risk a blowup and argument about me knowing he is using the drug with out me or just ignore it. I have checked his cell, computer and no signs of any other women, my only thought is he may be pleasing himself, should I ask him?

February 8th, 2009, 11:01 PM	#2
m3seow Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 2	Try talking to him and find out the reason for his aversion. Communication is always important in everything, even sex.

February 15th, 2010, 06:14 PM	#4
wantmorenow Guest Posts: n/a	I am having the same issue- my husband sex drive doesn't match mine at all. I could have sex twice a day and he would prefer once a month- I am at my wits end with this- it is all I think about. I wonder what life would be life if we separated, how it would effect our daughter and all that mess that would go along with spliting. I am consumed by this- I wonder if it's me and it is playing heck on my selfesteem. I'm over sensitive about everything and I fight with over stupid things because I really want to just lash out at him for causing this painful situation. he doesn't deserve me or appreciate my womanhood. this is really more a rant and less of a question I guess but I have no one to talk to- everyone that knows him thinks he is soo wonderful and they all tell me how lucky I am. the bad part is when we do have sex it is AMAZING!!! that is another problem when it's good I want more of it. drives me crazy

April 20th, 2010, 10:39 AM	#7
Lingerie Goddess Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: NYC & South Beach Miami Posts: 16	I agree with the other women about communicating and seeing if you can create time to be intimate with each other. One of my friends, who has been married over 15 years, has what she calls, "surrender days" with her husband. One day she will "surrender" and let him come up with a sensual night for them which focuses on him giving her pleasure. Then the next week, she will reciprocate to him. That way it keeps it exciting and has both partners initiating sex.

December 21st, 2011, 03:06 AM	#9
confusedforever Confused Forever Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: web Posts: 14	Sometimes sex takes a back stage after many years in marriage. There might be something else in his mind that is keeping him diverted. After being together for so many years, having an open channel to communication always helps. Ask him the issues he might be having. Also, try to spice up your sex life a little. Bring innovation, you never know what might work.