i'm married and love someone else - Page 9

angelroxy · April 26th, 2012, 01:32 PM

Its just a very difficult and sad situation when one loves another and is in a marriage with someone else. I just think, the feelings can never go away, one just has to find the strength within oneself to deal with this emotion. Sometimes its really vital to identify what form of love one feels, it could be based on lust, emotional hunger, infatuation or simply a need. We all know the real thing is obviously love that grows stronger with time even though there is a distance and it is not a selfish form. It is solely interested in the other persons needs rather than ones own. Lust and infatuation become weaker and eventually disappears with time whereas love survives. The worst part of it is not to be able to have someone who you feel so deeply for, and you cannot control those feelings. But it is good to love and not acquire than to not love at all. Hope this helps!!

angelroxy · April 26th, 2012, 01:44 PM

One thing ive learnt in life is to wait for that one guy, who you feel the real emotion for no matter how long it takes. Because love can only happen, cannot be created no matter how hard you try and convince yourself it may happen or grow. There is no such thing. If you are or have been in love, it will grow with time and strengthen even if you never see the person again and there has been a distance formed. If this doesnt occur then simply you havent experienced love but just an infatuation. Love is just so very painful, becomes stonger and intense with time no matter how hard you try deny it. You only realise you been in love later on when it is lost. Then it just haunts you for years and years, it has its sweet and sour moments. But the desire of wanting someone never never fades away.

May 10th, 2012, 05:27 AM

Help! I've been happily married to a wonderful man for 15 years, have four great kids, a beautiful home, friends and life in general but now find myself hopelessly and mysteriously head over heals in live with someone else. I can't eat, sleep or think of anyone or anything else. I assumed it was part of a mid-life crisis when it first started over six months ago (the feelings) but it's getting worse. I have not cheated on my husband, not even touched or spoken to this other person other than casual conversation when we meet in the presence of others but I now realize this man is in love with me too. It feels almost inevitable that something will happen but this goes against everything I believe. I have always been proud of my loyalty. i am experiencing internal warfare between my emotions, my head and heart. It's very painful. I imagine having a life with this other person but know that I would never want to hurt my husband, not even in the slightest. What on earth am I going to do?

Synful_Poet · May 11th, 2012, 09:46 PM

Hello Braveblue, welcome to WOW.

Sorry to hear you're going through this situation. It sounds horrible, and it also sounds like you're really struggling with what to do. I don't have any experience in this, but I guess if I were in your shoes....Id be freaking out too.

Fifteen years is a long time and I know you don't want to hurt your husband. In my opinion, and I'm sure you already know this, you need to figure out if what you feel for this other man is real or if it's referred. By this I mean, sometimes when you've been with one person for such a long time and someone else pays attention to you...it's the greatest feeling in the world because it's been so long since you've had that much attention thrown in your direction.

Now, I'm not saying this is the case, and I'm certainly not trying to belittle what you feel. Just something to think about.

Best of luck.

May 14th, 2012, 03:52 AM

Thanks for your advise. I suspect the problem is rooted in my marriage. I don't feel a great sense of intimacy with my husband anymore. Inexplicable chemistry with someone who asks and expects nothing of you is a refreshing and exciting feeling but I know in my heart that it's not real because I don't know anything about this person and am doing my best to be as distant as possible so as not to risk anything real developing between us. I just hope these emotions go away soon. It's making me sad.
Thankyou.

Mada2012 · October 2nd, 2012, 05:16 AM

I am in a lot of turmoil right now. I was fired from my job after a brief stint but about half way into the job I realized I am in love with one of my co workers. He is interested in me but does have a girlfriend. I've been married for 4 years. He seemed quite upset at my firing and this is the first real conversation we have had. I feel so torn and afraid because I believe what I feel for him is actual blossoming love, a feeling I have not felt for anyone in so long.
I feel so compelled to keep I contact with him and somehow tell him how I feel but I am terrified. I feel like I can't go on without him.
Please someone advise me. How can I make these feelings go away. Do I have to just try to forget about him? The thought just aches my heart.

Restless · October 8th, 2012, 03:48 PM

I've allowed myself to fantasise abt him more than I should n it has made me v unhappy w married life. I get nervous n giggly arnd him. I imagine him feeling de same way but it is not so n I feel so embarrassed n stupid n rejected n disappointed. I'm s terrible mum who doesn't pay attention yo my kids. I hate it when they cry. I pay more attention to the tv than to them. They crave for my attention but I get so bored doing nothing w them. I've never truly enjoyed sex w my husband n try to avoid it s much s I can. Mayb that's y I'm seeking love elsewhere. I want to b happy to live my dream to b a good mum n wife. Maybe I'll start today. Stop thinking of de other guy cos he only brings me pain.

annie1 · October 10th, 2012, 10:34 AM

I am inlove with this guy I use to study with.He is married and I am I have 3 kids and I am so unhappy with my marriage I have not been sexually invloved with anyone but told my husband that I had feelings for N.
i sexual fantasies about him and always think of how he would treat me .Its like I have this imaginary relationship with this man .I have feelings for him but its all in my head I am damaged goods been damaged too bad ,But I will just keep on dreaming.I try to hide the feeling but everytime say every2 or 3 years it pops up and the more I supress it the more it grows.I dont love my husband anymore just together for the kid he verbally abuses me Always acusing me of F around and telling me how he is the best thing that happen to me other will on use me for sex,but strangly I wont mind if Mr N uses me .I call him to chat sometimes and feel like teenager fall over my words and shake when I hear his voice .Ahh yahh !!!

Jennifer23 · October 14th, 2012, 01:51 PM

Hi Annie. You're staying with your verbally abusive husband because of the kids. You should find a way to rid yourself of him while maintaining contact with your children. If you end up with Mr.N, as much as you're attracted to him, if he uses you then you're in the same predicament.

englishroses · October 14th, 2012, 04:51 PM

Thank goodness for this website! I am happily married for just over 10 years with three beautiful children, but in love with a man that is also married, for 11 years, with three children. We met 12 years ago and started seeing each other when my boyfriend (now husband) and I broke up for awhile. He became a very dear friend to me during the time we were seeing each other and we became inseparable. He told me that his ex-girlfriend (now wife) was pregnant, but he loved me and wanted us to be together. As a result of that news, I decided to go back to my then boyfriend (now husband) and told him to marry her because of their child. We never stopped loving each other even though he got married later that year and I did the next year. It has been complete agony to say the least. It hurts so much that we can both hardly stand it. We have stayed in contact for the past 11 years and kissed for the first time since we both got married two years ago. We both love our spouses, but are truly in love with each other. I have never experienced this kind of pain in my life. I write poetry and wrote a poem about this 11 years ago because I knew we would end up like this. Shortly after I got engaged, we met and I cried uncontrollably because of the hurt that was sure to come the years ahead. Here we are 11 years later and our love has not withered, but grown. He is a man that I would do anything for, without any question, had he been my husband. He was there for me when my husband did things that really hurt me while we were dating and even since we've been married. There are no words to describe loving someone that you cannot be with. His wife cheated on him 8 years ago, but he forgave her and stayed with her for their children. I saw him last night for the first time in almost a year (we live in two different states - THANK GOD) and all I could do was cry when we talked. We both agreed that it hurts to live with someone while your heart is with someone else. The only thing I can say is that I am thankful that I am not alone because the pain associated with love is overwhelming. My best friend knows and she tries to comfort me as much as possible, but I am considering getting a therapist to help me work through my feelings and pain. I wouldn't wish this on anyone! Be encouraged all...

Wolf_angel · October 24th, 2012, 08:48 AM

Good words englishroses! The point of Love is that its universal so remember if you think about it Love yourself first your children and be happy tis all anyone of us can do.

annie1 · October 29th, 2012, 03:18 AM

Thanks J I think you right I think maybe N is me dream man and because I am so deeply unhappy so much that I have been diagnosed as depressed seein therapist today took my bags and the kidsand started with the devorce.He came to fetch the kids and told me YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY.

Jennifer23 · October 29th, 2012, 02:50 PM

Hi Annie, and thanks for your thanks. My posts are normally short and this one will be, too. Divorce is best for you as long as you can see your children. N just doesn't seem to be a good man, especially for you. Good Luck!
Jennifer

May 11th, 2012, 09:46 PM	#124
Synful_Poet Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: IA Posts: 540	Hello Braveblue, welcome to WOW. Sorry to hear you're going through this situation. It sounds horrible, and it also sounds like you're really struggling with what to do. I don't have any experience in this, but I guess if I were in your shoes....Id be freaking out too. Fifteen years is a long time and I know you don't want to hurt your husband. In my opinion, and I'm sure you already know this, you need to figure out if what you feel for this other man is real or if it's referred. By this I mean, sometimes when you've been with one person for such a long time and someone else pays attention to you...it's the greatest feeling in the world because it's been so long since you've had that much attention thrown in your direction. Now, I'm not saying this is the case, and I'm certainly not trying to belittle what you feel. Just something to think about. Best of luck. __________________ "Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior" - Socrates

October 8th, 2012, 03:48 PM	#127
Restless Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 4	Unhappy I've allowed myself to fantasise abt him more than I should n it has made me v unhappy w married life. I get nervous n giggly arnd him. I imagine him feeling de same way but it is not so n I feel so embarrassed n stupid n rejected n disappointed. I'm s terrible mum who doesn't pay attention yo my kids. I hate it when they cry. I pay more attention to the tv than to them. They crave for my attention but I get so bored doing nothing w them. I've never truly enjoyed sex w my husband n try to avoid it s much s I can. Mayb that's y I'm seeking love elsewhere. I want to b happy to live my dream to b a good mum n wife. Maybe I'll start today. Stop thinking of de other guy cos he only brings me pain.

October 24th, 2012, 08:48 AM	#131
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	Good words englishroses! The point of Love is that its universal so remember if you think about it Love yourself first your children and be happy tis all anyone of us can do. __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

April 26th, 2012, 01:32 PM	#121
angelroxy angelroxy Join Date: Mar 2012 Posts: 8	Its just a very difficult and sad situation when one loves another and is in a marriage with someone else. I just think, the feelings can never go away, one just has to find the strength within oneself to deal with this emotion. Sometimes its really vital to identify what form of love one feels, it could be based on lust, emotional hunger, infatuation or simply a need. We all know the real thing is obviously love that grows stronger with time even though there is a distance and it is not a selfish form. It is solely interested in the other persons needs rather than ones own. Lust and infatuation become weaker and eventually disappears with time whereas love survives. The worst part of it is not to be able to have someone who you feel so deeply for, and you cannot control those feelings. But it is good to love and not acquire than to not love at all. Hope this helps!!

April 26th, 2012, 01:44 PM	#122
angelroxy angelroxy Join Date: Mar 2012 Posts: 8	One thing ive learnt in life is to wait for that one guy, who you feel the real emotion for no matter how long it takes. Because love can only happen, cannot be created no matter how hard you try and convince yourself it may happen or grow. There is no such thing. If you are or have been in love, it will grow with time and strengthen even if you never see the person again and there has been a distance formed. If this doesnt occur then simply you havent experienced love but just an infatuation. Love is just so very painful, becomes stonger and intense with time no matter how hard you try deny it. You only realise you been in love later on when it is lost. Then it just haunts you for years and years, it has its sweet and sour moments. But the desire of wanting someone never never fades away.

May 10th, 2012, 05:27 AM	#123
Braveblue Guest Posts: n/a	Help! I've been happily married to a wonderful man for 15 years, have four great kids, a beautiful home, friends and life in general but now find myself hopelessly and mysteriously head over heals in live with someone else. I can't eat, sleep or think of anyone or anything else. I assumed it was part of a mid-life crisis when it first started over six months ago (the feelings) but it's getting worse. I have not cheated on my husband, not even touched or spoken to this other person other than casual conversation when we meet in the presence of others but I now realize this man is in love with me too. It feels almost inevitable that something will happen but this goes against everything I believe. I have always been proud of my loyalty. i am experiencing internal warfare between my emotions, my head and heart. It's very painful. I imagine having a life with this other person but know that I would never want to hurt my husband, not even in the slightest. What on earth am I going to do?

May 14th, 2012, 03:52 AM	#125
Braveblue Guest Posts: n/a	Thanks for your advise. I suspect the problem is rooted in my marriage. I don't feel a great sense of intimacy with my husband anymore. Inexplicable chemistry with someone who asks and expects nothing of you is a refreshing and exciting feeling but I know in my heart that it's not real because I don't know anything about this person and am doing my best to be as distant as possible so as not to risk anything real developing between us. I just hope these emotions go away soon. It's making me sad. Thankyou.

October 2nd, 2012, 05:16 AM	#126
Mada2012 Member Join Date: Oct 2012 Posts: 1	I am in a lot of turmoil right now. I was fired from my job after a brief stint but about half way into the job I realized I am in love with one of my co workers. He is interested in me but does have a girlfriend. I've been married for 4 years. He seemed quite upset at my firing and this is the first real conversation we have had. I feel so torn and afraid because I believe what I feel for him is actual blossoming love, a feeling I have not felt for anyone in so long. I feel so compelled to keep I contact with him and somehow tell him how I feel but I am terrified. I feel like I can't go on without him. Please someone advise me. How can I make these feelings go away. Do I have to just try to forget about him? The thought just aches my heart.

October 10th, 2012, 10:34 AM	#128
annie1 Member Join Date: Oct 2012 Posts: 17	I am inlove with this guy I use to study with.He is married and I am I have 3 kids and I am so unhappy with my marriage I have not been sexually invloved with anyone but told my husband that I had feelings for N. i sexual fantasies about him and always think of how he would treat me .Its like I have this imaginary relationship with this man .I have feelings for him but its all in my head I am damaged goods been damaged too bad ,But I will just keep on dreaming.I try to hide the feeling but everytime say every2 or 3 years it pops up and the more I supress it the more it grows.I dont love my husband anymore just together for the kid he verbally abuses me Always acusing me of F around and telling me how he is the best thing that happen to me other will on use me for sex,but strangly I wont mind if Mr N uses me .I call him to chat sometimes and feel like teenager fall over my words and shake when I hear his voice .Ahh yahh !!!

October 14th, 2012, 01:51 PM	#129
Jennifer23 Jennifer23 Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 3,187	Hi Annie. You're staying with your verbally abusive husband because of the kids. You should find a way to rid yourself of him while maintaining contact with your children. If you end up with Mr.N, as much as you're attracted to him, if he uses you then you're in the same predicament.

October 14th, 2012, 04:51 PM	#130
englishroses Member Join Date: Oct 2012 Posts: 1	Thank goodness for this website! I am happily married for just over 10 years with three beautiful children, but in love with a man that is also married, for 11 years, with three children. We met 12 years ago and started seeing each other when my boyfriend (now husband) and I broke up for awhile. He became a very dear friend to me during the time we were seeing each other and we became inseparable. He told me that his ex-girlfriend (now wife) was pregnant, but he loved me and wanted us to be together. As a result of that news, I decided to go back to my then boyfriend (now husband) and told him to marry her because of their child. We never stopped loving each other even though he got married later that year and I did the next year. It has been complete agony to say the least. It hurts so much that we can both hardly stand it. We have stayed in contact for the past 11 years and kissed for the first time since we both got married two years ago. We both love our spouses, but are truly in love with each other. I have never experienced this kind of pain in my life. I write poetry and wrote a poem about this 11 years ago because I knew we would end up like this. Shortly after I got engaged, we met and I cried uncontrollably because of the hurt that was sure to come the years ahead. Here we are 11 years later and our love has not withered, but grown. He is a man that I would do anything for, without any question, had he been my husband. He was there for me when my husband did things that really hurt me while we were dating and even since we've been married. There are no words to describe loving someone that you cannot be with. His wife cheated on him 8 years ago, but he forgave her and stayed with her for their children. I saw him last night for the first time in almost a year (we live in two different states - THANK GOD) and all I could do was cry when we talked. We both agreed that it hurts to live with someone while your heart is with someone else. The only thing I can say is that I am thankful that I am not alone because the pain associated with love is overwhelming. My best friend knows and she tries to comfort me as much as possible, but I am considering getting a therapist to help me work through my feelings and pain. I wouldn't wish this on anyone! Be encouraged all...

October 29th, 2012, 03:18 AM	#132
annie1 Member Join Date: Oct 2012 Posts: 17	Thanks J I think you right I think maybe N is me dream man and because I am so deeply unhappy so much that I have been diagnosed as depressed seein therapist today took my bags and the kidsand started with the devorce.He came to fetch the kids and told me YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY.

October 29th, 2012, 02:50 PM	#133
Jennifer23 Jennifer23 Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 3,187	Hi Annie, and thanks for your thanks. My posts are normally short and this one will be, too. Divorce is best for you as long as you can see your children. N just doesn't seem to be a good man, especially for you. Good Luck! Jennifer