Yours Orally

mandymonday · June 6th, 2010, 02:52 PM

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 months. He's 43 and I'm 26. He's my first boyfriend and I was a virgin when we met. I lost my virginity last week. It doesn't mean that we hadn't had sex before. The thing is this time "it" got to that part and blood was involved plus awful pain afterwards. Before then, he managed to get it deep enough and, oh, let's skip it. He always got an orgasm.

My problem is my boyfriend craves for oral sex but I truly don't want to do it. He's been asking for it since the first few times. My refusal was perfectly understandable at first because "his" was the first and only one I saw in my whole life. I was so afraid of it that I couldn't look at or touch it. Now I've got used to it, though the sight of it still bothers me sometimes. However, the idea of putting it in my mouth scares and disgusts me.

He said, "Everbody does it." and "It's totally normal."

Is it true? Is oral sex being performed in general by every couple?

Thank you in advance for your advice.

crazymomma · June 7th, 2010, 08:31 AM

I know by saying this if my daughter found out she would be shocked that I told anyone but, my daughter who has been married for 11 years now has never done this with her husband and she refuses to give him oral sex. So, the answer is no, not everyone one does it.

mandymonday · June 7th, 2010, 10:59 PM

Thank you, crazymomma.

crazymomma · June 9th, 2010, 10:34 AM

You are more than welcome. I'm glad I could be of some help.

June 28th, 2010, 02:08 AM

Well Mandymonday, the question is not whether every couple does it. If you do not want to do it, don't! I belong to India, an orthodox nation. My husband - who read your question said, no matter what, never force your partner to do something he/she does not want to do!

Wolf_angel · June 28th, 2010, 06:13 PM

Thank you AshaFromIndia. Hugs to your husband and yourself.

mandymonday · July 5th, 2010, 03:10 PM

AshaFromIndia, big thanks to you and your husband. You're so lucky to have had each other.

amy4friend · July 27th, 2010, 01:43 PM

Respect and understanding are very important in every relationship. Also you should never do what you do not feel is not soo right.
What you can try doing which is good is get KY jelly and take it in your palm and then rub it there, its supposed to be as good as the oral thing. Also after he takes a shower you can try other things as he will be super clean and you wont feel so yucky.
Also, there are people who do different things for different reasons.
Nothing is a compulsion.... Enjoy ur married life

moniker · February 11th, 2011, 09:49 PM

There are two things to consider.

1. You shouldn't do anything you're uncomfortable with.
2. If you are in love (you don't actually say), you need to ask yourself why you're disgusted by his body.

You say that your aversion to putting your penis in your mouth is "understandable" just because his is the first you've seen, and I have to disagree. The fact that a penis is an ugly thing to you, you found sex painful and explain that "he" got an orgasm (implying you didn't) tells me that maybe you aren't ready for sex or shouldn't be having sex with men. It seems like you may not understand that sex shouldn't hurt you...not like how you relayed it with such distaste. It also sounds like you may not understand that your orgasm is YOUR responsibility, not his.

May I ask, how often do you masturbate? With what? And how often do you make yourself orgasm?

The other thing to consider is, as I said, you may not be ready for sex or you may not realize that you are a lesbian. I have never been put off by a penis in my life (you know, assuming it was recently washed and all).

As I said, you shouldn't do anything you're uncomfortable with...within reason. By that, I mean something that violates your feelings (like if you don't want him sleeping with other women don't agree to an open relationship) or that you find just unsanitary (like eating his feces...some couples are into that), that's something you shouldn't do. But if you don't want to do it because you think his body, the body of your lover, is "icky" or "gross" or "off-putting" to the point that you don't want to do something to please your lover, there's a problem.

misspantiepink · February 12th, 2011, 07:08 AM

Hi mandymonday,

After reading your article, I too feel that maybe you are not really ready for a good sexual relationship. You say that you have only just lost your virginity at 26, where have you been?
However i remember my first time and it wasn't pretty, but as you gain experience sex can be a most wonderful thing between two people who are in LOVE.

I must say i enjoy full oral sex with my man both giving and recieving in the 69 position, and nearly always welcome his sexual advances.
I do not think/feel that a mans penis is ugly or tastes horrible.

Further, i also enjoy sex with one or two of my really bestest girlfriends when we are chatting and drinking wine together i.e girlie nights in but im not a lesbian is that another discussion?

Mandymonday you must try to be patient and talk with him and slow things down, get in the mood, romance etc, try a candlelit dinner with wine music.
Wear some really sexy underwear and i am sure sex with him will improve, and then slowly in the passion of it all you may feel the urge to take his manhood into your mouth and give him what he "craves".

I hope this helps, take care and good luck!

Misspantiepink

JANE20/20 · February 14th, 2011, 12:44 AM

@ Mandymonday.....I read you letter and I have to say....well having sex after only knowing him 2 months is a little too soon.......but hopefully yor're using protection...condoms!...reguardless of what he tells you....make him use them...3 minutes of pleasure can take your life...it's not worth the risk....and about the pain...thats natural....the penis is a foreign object and you're not used to it or the other activities that he is suggesting....that's natural too...and just because you're anxious and feeling scared doesn't in any way mean that you are a lesbian....everthing that you feel is natural until you get used to it.....don't do anything that you do not want to do.....and at 43...he should be worth his salt in bed and be able to get you to an orgasam...it is his job...sex starts in the mind first...you need to be comfortable enough to get in the mood so that he can do what you like and get you to climax also...being in a relaxed state of mind has alot to do with how much you enjoy the sex with him...and he has to be patient with you......don't rush it you have plenty of time to discover what you like with him....but make him use a condom... and hopefully you made him do the STI and HIV test...if not make him get it......Good Luck!....

August 18th, 2011, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mandymonday

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 months. He's 43 and I'm 26. He's my first boyfriend and I was a virgin when we met. I lost my virginity last week. It doesn't mean that we hadn't had sex before. The thing is this time "it" got to that part and blood was involved plus awful pain afterwards. Before then, he managed to get it deep enough and, oh, let's skip it. He always got an orgasm.

My problem is my boyfriend craves for oral sex but I truly don't want to do it. He's been asking for it since the first few times. My refusal was perfectly understandable at first because "his" was the first and only one I saw in my whole life. I was so afraid of it that I couldn't look at or touch it. Now I've got used to it, though the sight of it still bothers me sometimes. However, the idea of putting it in my mouth scares and disgusts me.

He said, "Everbody does it." and "It's totally normal."

Is it true? Is oral sex being performed in general by every couple?

Thank you in advance for your advice.

Mandy
not all couple have oral sex. some do some don't othes love it. What is it that you do not like about it?

Wolf_angel · August 21st, 2011, 07:58 AM

It just boils down to what you are comfortable with. Having orgasms is a partnership. Starts in the mind and flows to the heart and thus body. If for some reason, you aren't ready for other things then let him know. If he is 43 then he would be more than willing to work with you to make your pleasure a mutual one. I hope this helps. Hugs P.S. take your time.

Jennifer23 · August 21st, 2011, 07:31 PM

I don't know if Mandy is still here, but if she is . . . . I give oral to my bf and he does the same to me. We both love it, but it does end up being a choice with you and your partner.

June 6th, 2010, 02:52 PM	#1
mandymonday Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 4	Yours Orally I've been with my boyfriend for 2 months. He's 43 and I'm 26. He's my first boyfriend and I was a virgin when we met. I lost my virginity last week. It doesn't mean that we hadn't had sex before. The thing is this time "it" got to that part and blood was involved plus awful pain afterwards. Before then, he managed to get it deep enough and, oh, let's skip it. He always got an orgasm. My problem is my boyfriend craves for oral sex but I truly don't want to do it. He's been asking for it since the first few times. My refusal was perfectly understandable at first because "his" was the first and only one I saw in my whole life. I was so afraid of it that I couldn't look at or touch it. Now I've got used to it, though the sight of it still bothers me sometimes. However, the idea of putting it in my mouth scares and disgusts me. He said, "Everbody does it." and "It's totally normal." Is it true? Is oral sex being performed in general by every couple? Thank you in advance for your advice.

June 7th, 2010, 08:31 AM	#2
crazymomma awesome cookie lady Join Date: May 2003 Location: Leechburgh, PA Posts: 1,993	I know by saying this if my daughter found out she would be shocked that I told anyone but, my daughter who has been married for 11 years now has never done this with her husband and she refuses to give him oral sex. So, the answer is no, not everyone one does it. __________________ It feels like home to me. Bonnie Rhatt

June 9th, 2010, 10:34 AM	#4
crazymomma awesome cookie lady Join Date: May 2003 Location: Leechburgh, PA Posts: 1,993	You are more than welcome. I'm glad I could be of some help. __________________ It feels like home to me. Bonnie Rhatt

June 28th, 2010, 02:08 AM	#5
AshaFromIndia Guest Posts: n/a	Not the question of being normal or not Well Mandymonday, the question is not whether every couple does it. If you do not want to do it, don't! I belong to India, an orthodox nation. My husband - who read your question said, no matter what, never force your partner to do something he/she does not want to do!

June 28th, 2010, 06:13 PM	#6
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	Thank you AshaFromIndia. Hugs to your husband and yourself. __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

June 7th, 2010, 10:59 PM	#3
mandymonday Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 4	Thank you, crazymomma.

July 5th, 2010, 03:10 PM	#7
mandymonday Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 4	AshaFromIndia, big thanks to you and your husband. You're so lucky to have had each other.

July 27th, 2010, 01:43 PM	#8
amy4friend Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 5	Hi Respect and understanding are very important in every relationship. Also you should never do what you do not feel is not soo right. What you can try doing which is good is get KY jelly and take it in your palm and then rub it there, its supposed to be as good as the oral thing. Also after he takes a shower you can try other things as he will be super clean and you wont feel so yucky. Also, there are people who do different things for different reasons. Nothing is a compulsion.... Enjoy ur married life

February 11th, 2011, 09:49 PM	#9
moniker Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 44	There are two things to consider. 1. You shouldn't do anything you're uncomfortable with. 2. If you are in love (you don't actually say), you need to ask yourself why you're disgusted by his body. You say that your aversion to putting your penis in your mouth is "understandable" just because his is the first you've seen, and I have to disagree. The fact that a penis is an ugly thing to you, you found sex painful and explain that "he" got an orgasm (implying you didn't) tells me that maybe you aren't ready for sex or shouldn't be having sex with men. It seems like you may not understand that sex shouldn't hurt you...not like how you relayed it with such distaste. It also sounds like you may not understand that your orgasm is YOUR responsibility, not his. May I ask, how often do you masturbate? With what? And how often do you make yourself orgasm? The other thing to consider is, as I said, you may not be ready for sex or you may not realize that you are a lesbian. I have never been put off by a penis in my life (you know, assuming it was recently washed and all). As I said, you shouldn't do anything you're uncomfortable with...within reason. By that, I mean something that violates your feelings (like if you don't want him sleeping with other women don't agree to an open relationship) or that you find just unsanitary (like eating his feces...some couples are into that), that's something you shouldn't do. But if you don't want to do it because you think his body, the body of your lover, is "icky" or "gross" or "off-putting" to the point that you don't want to do something to please your lover, there's a problem.

February 12th, 2011, 07:08 AM	#10
misspantiepink Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: London Posts: 4	Hi mandymonday, After reading your article, I too feel that maybe you are not really ready for a good sexual relationship. You say that you have only just lost your virginity at 26, where have you been? However i remember my first time and it wasn't pretty, but as you gain experience sex can be a most wonderful thing between two people who are in LOVE. I must say i enjoy full oral sex with my man both giving and recieving in the 69 position, and nearly always welcome his sexual advances. I do not think/feel that a mans penis is ugly or tastes horrible. Further, i also enjoy sex with one or two of my really bestest girlfriends when we are chatting and drinking wine together i.e girlie nights in but im not a lesbian is that another discussion? Mandymonday you must try to be patient and talk with him and slow things down, get in the mood, romance etc, try a candlelit dinner with wine music. Wear some really sexy underwear and i am sure sex with him will improve, and then slowly in the passion of it all you may feel the urge to take his manhood into your mouth and give him what he "craves". I hope this helps, take care and good luck! Misspantiepink

February 14th, 2011, 12:44 AM	#11
JANE20/20 Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 67	@ Mandymonday.....I read you letter and I have to say....well having sex after only knowing him 2 months is a little too soon.......but hopefully yor're using protection...condoms!...reguardless of what he tells you....make him use them...3 minutes of pleasure can take your life...it's not worth the risk....and about the pain...thats natural....the penis is a foreign object and you're not used to it or the other activities that he is suggesting....that's natural too...and just because you're anxious and feeling scared doesn't in any way mean that you are a lesbian....everthing that you feel is natural until you get used to it.....don't do anything that you do not want to do.....and at 43...he should be worth his salt in bed and be able to get you to an orgasam...it is his job...sex starts in the mind first...you need to be comfortable enough to get in the mood so that he can do what you like and get you to climax also...being in a relaxed state of mind has alot to do with how much you enjoy the sex with him...and he has to be patient with you......don't rush it you have plenty of time to discover what you like with him....but make him use a condom... and hopefully you made him do the STI and HIV test...if not make him get it......Good Luck!....

August 21st, 2011, 07:58 AM	#13
Wolf_angel A survivor of chaos Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Where my heart is Posts: 3,147	It just boils down to what you are comfortable with. Having orgasms is a partnership. Starts in the mind and flows to the heart and thus body. If for some reason, you aren't ready for other things then let him know. If he is 43 then he would be more than willing to work with you to make your pleasure a mutual one. I hope this helps. Hugs P.S. take your time. __________________ May you walk in the shadow of the Great Spirit~To help others is a special gift we can either give or take~The more you give the more you receive~

August 21st, 2011, 07:31 PM	#14
Jennifer23 Jennifer23 Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 3,187	I don't know if Mandy is still here, but if she is . . . . I give oral to my bf and he does the same to me. We both love it, but it does end up being a choice with you and your partner.